A Mom's 6 Stages of Dealing with a Traumatic Incident

Being mothers parents, we just want to shield our children from all the bad things in this world; sickness, accidents, crazy people. We want to protect them as much as possible, but we can't all the time. Difficult and horrible things happen, even to kids, and it's the ultimate test for us parents. Our best and worst traits come out. They say you never know crisis until you become a parent. That's true.

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to my kids' well-being, I don't do well with pressure. When my eldest daughter gets sick, or my feisty baby girl had a bad fall, I turn into a big ball of crazy. Of course, I try to be as calm and level-headed on the outside, but on the inside, it's a whole different story. Anyway, in my years of experience of dealing with traumatic incidents such as these, I can't help but see a pattern on how I approach these stressful incidents as a parent. Well, at least these are the five stages that go on in my head when something unfortunate happens to one of my kids:

(I'm no expert, so these are by no means scientific. This is just a mother "thinking out loud." Just humor me.)

1.  Panic
 "Oh my gosh, what happened? (runs to get help from husband or another adult in the area) Look at that big bump on her forehead! What do I do? Are you okay, sweetheart? Should we go to the ER? Should I call the doctor? Do I just get ice for the concussion? What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!?!"

"What's painful, anak? Are you okay? Do you want to drink some medicine? Do you want to go to the doctor? Do you want to make suka (throw up)? Which part of your tummy is painful? This one? This one? Anak, are you sure you're okay?!"

2. Denial
"Oh, it's just a little boo-boo, it's nothing.  The fall wasn't that bad. I can barely see the lump on her forehead."

"Lagnat-laki lang yan." "Baka nag-ngingipin lang." "Kulang sa tulog/tubig."

3. Bargaining

"Lord, if we get through this, if you heal her, I will never, EVER take my eyes off my daughter again. And she is never to play near the stairs for the rest of her life. "

"Kung pwede lang ilipat sa'kin yung sakit mo anak, okay lang talaga.  Lord, kahit magkaroon na ko ng pinakanakakadiring sakit sa buong mundo, kakayanin ko basta gumaling lang po yung anak ko."

4. Paranoia
"Her fever was gone a few hours ago. Now it's spiking up again. 37.6 ... 37.9 ... 38.3 ... 38.6 ... Oh Lord, please make it stop there ... Maybe we should take her to the emergency room. I read on Google that if fever reaches 39.1 then it means we should bring her to the doctor."

"Was her head always shaped like that? Or was it because of the fall?"

and Anger (usually towards my kid)

"Kawaii! How many times do I have to tell you? NO PLAYING ON THE STAIRS!!! Pag nahulog ka dyan, papaluin kita (kawawang bata)."

"Nash, don't go anywhere without Mommy or Tatay or Lola. Sige ka, if somebody gets you, you'll never see me again!"


5. Doubt

"Why did I ever think I could pull this off? Lord, why did you make me a mother? I'm clearly not fit to be one. I'm a mess and my beautiful girls don't deserve a terrible parent like me."

6.  Acceptance and Faith

I initially called this last stage "surrender," but I realized it sounds quite defeatist and if you're a parent, giving up is not an option.

It's a crazy world we live in. There are so many external factors that fill us with worry as parents. Lately, what keeps me up at night is thinking about "The Big One" and the news about kids getting abducted in malls and villages. What was supposed to be a leisurely trip to the mall can instantly turn into one filled with anxiety when I think about those two things.  As if just worrying about my kids' health and keeping them from accidents isn't enough to keep me on my toes. And however tempting it may be to just put them in a little bubble to shield them from getting hurt, our children need to explore for them to learn. It's part of life.

With  all these thoughts going inside my head (and I have to admit, I have a tendency to overthink), I know that at the end of another tiresome day, there are only two things that keep me sane and keeps me from giving up. My love for my family and my faith.

Let me share to you my personal prayer, a prayer that calms me:

Lord, I humbly lift up my child to you. Any pain or sickness that she is having.  I know that you are a God of healing, a God of purpose. I know that You love her more than I can ever grasp, and I know you want what's best for her as you have always wanted what is best for me. You know the desires of my heart. I know that you will not give me anything I can't handle. Thank you for believing that I am capable of being a good mother. Thank you for giving me a great partner in my husband and for surrounding me with people who help me take care of my children.

Lord, please protect my daughters always. Send forth your guardian angels to watch over them in everything that they do, everywhere they go.  I claim that they will be healed, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Can anybody relate? Would love to know in the comments section :) Stand firm in the faith, sisters and brothers!

 

(photo taken from Pinterest)

How Do We Raise Confident Girls?

Another one of those questions that we throw back to the universe for answers.

I have only recently discovered Ted Talks and I'm in awe of these amazing women talking about women's rights and women empowerment. One of the most remarkable speeches I've heard recently is "We Should All Be Feminists" by Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie, a renowned author.  In one of her talks, she said, “We should raise our daughters differently, but we should also raise our sons differently.”

I don’t have a son, so I want to focus on the first part of the statement - raising our daughters to become strong, empowered women. How can you say that a girl is confident? Is there a way to tell if the manner you're bringing up your daughter will make her a strong woman in the future?

I’d like to think that I am raising my daughters well, but sometimes I wonder if their personalities now reflect how they will be as adults, because right now, here’s where we stand: Nash, my firstborn, is one of the most clever four-year olds I know. She’s very articulate for her age. She is also well-behaved, but whenever she sees fighting on TV, or when she watches her Tatay play basketball against another team, she goes into fight mode. She’ll say, “Don’t worry Mommy, I got this,” then proceeds to do flying kicks and punches in the air. She definitely knows how to stand up for herself and protect the people she loves. Kawaii is pretty much still a baby so a little less attacking and more on the defense. You should hear her say "no," "never" and "nothing." I have never heard another two year old say, “I don’t like it,” like our little boss does. She is feisty. 

On the other hand, they are also shy. It takes Nash a while to warm up to other people, even kids, in a large group setting. She and her sister would cling to me like tarsiers does to a branch when they sense new people around. And don't expect them to perform in front of a crowd. All those days of practicing a song for their Christmas party have gone out the window, just because Nash doesn't feel like participating.

This leads me to ask, how do we define confidence anyway? Is it the opposite of being shy? Is it being sociable and outgoing and loud and easy to get along with everybody? Because if that's the case, aren't we mistaking confidence for being extroverted? 

Google simply defines confidence as "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities." I think this definition is better suited for what I want for my girls. I don't expect them to be Miss Congeniality (although I wouldn't be surprised if they inherit that nice trait from their father) and be the most talkative kid on the block. I just want them to be brave enough to express themselves freely and know that they are capable and loved in every way. 

Although I have come across over a dozen articles on Pinterest about raising confident kids (most of the time about daughters), I still don't have any specific answer to the question above. But here are some things that we do that we hope will help achieve that goal:

• Provide them with good role models. 

They say daughters emulate their mothers, so it's obvious that I would be their first and closest example and that they will look at me for guidance. When I became a mother, my kids have become sort of my moral compass.  When faced with difficult situations, I always imagine my daughters watching me, imitating what I'm doing.  Am I being the person that I want my daughters to look up to?

Another way of being their role model is being kind to myself. I don't want to pass on any self-esteem issues to my girls. I think one of the most important things we should teach our daughters is to love their bodies and be comfortable in their own skin.

But at the same time, I know that they cannot be completely like me. Which is why I'm glad that my daughters are also surrounded with other strong women who love to spend time with them; their selfless grandmothers, aunts who are independent, career-driven and creative thinkers, godmothers who are tough yet compassionate, older cousins who can teach them a thing or two.

The men in their lives also serve as a role model to them for how men should treat women.

• Encourage them, but don't rush. 

My husband and I, along with our families, try to provide our children with all the support that they will need to pursue their passion. This early, Nash tells us she wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up. She loves to make up dresses from her Lola's scarves and hand towels. We let her decide what she wants to wear, and lately, she has designated herself to choosing my clothes in the morning. Kawaii loves to sing, and we sing with her all the time. They have their own version of Carpool Karaoke with their aunt. Our daughters are so different from each other, and we see to  it that we celebrate their individuality.

It's okay to throw in compliments. We tell our daughters every day that they are beautiful (we can't help it), but we also tell them that they're strong, and smart, and brave, and kind, and good sisters to each other.

Having been raised by supportive parents, encouraging comes easy for me. The part about rushing them is where I'm having a bit of trouble. I always need to fight the urge to be a stage mom and push them to sing or dance in front of an audience, or make friends at a big gathering. I constantly remind myself to manage my frustrations and let them open up in their own pace. 

True enough, they take their time, but they do things without my prodding. And it makes me so proud to see them being so thoughtful and caring towards their friends, rather than them having a lot of playmates whose names they will not even remember the next day.

• Just love them.

When a child feels loved, they feel happy.  They feel secure. They don't feel judged in any way. 

It's so easy to love and show love to the kids when they're being their huggable, adorable selves, but it's even more important to show them love when they're being difficult. Even when we're disciplining the girls, we encourage them to speak up and tell us (in a gentle tone) why they're mad or why they feel sad.  We tell them it's okay to cry, and that we will love them no matter what. When children see that their parents are there for them, they feel that they are worthwhile, and the more they can build on their sense of self.


Again, with these things, sometimes they're easier said than done. Especially if you're also struggling with some self-esteem or confidence issues. But another Ted Talks speaker, Caroline Paul (she's also a fire fighter, paraglider and author of "The Gutsy Girl:Escapades for Your Life of Epic Adventure") said, "Bravery is learned, and like anything learned, it just needs to be practiced." She also said, "We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves."

So let's practice every day, to be the strong, confident woman we want our daughters to be.

Tale as Old as Time (my thoughts on the new Beauty and the Beast movie)

Warning: Spoilers ahead (naks, feeling film critic naman ako dun!)

I was never the type to watch movies on its first day (let alone its first week), but I found myself making an exception for Beauty and the Beast. And I'm also not the type to give long commentaries about a film on social media (nothing wrong with doing so, by the way. It's just not my thing), so I just decided to write about it here instead.

 (photo from IMDB)

This film has been on my watch list since the news of a remake first broke out, so I thought I would be making a big event out of it. I was planning on watching the animated classic first with my daughters and dressing them up in a Disney princess costume of their choice before we head to the cinemas for the live action remake. Afterwards, we would have a "Be Our Guest" inspired tea party, complete with cupcakes and scones (joke lang yung scones. More like donuts siguro). But alas, we watched the movie as a sort of a spur of the moment decision last night (the husband and I were planning to watch another movie and we just brought the girls along, expecting them to be sleeping inside the theater, but we weren't allowed inside because of the R-16 rating), with the girls in their pajamas.

I'm not going to lie and say it was a remarkable experience for the kids. My girls fell asleep before the second half of the film. In our defense, they woke up really early that day and it was already past their bedtime (we caught the last full show). However, the film captured our daughters' attention within the first five minutes and that's quite good for a non-animated show, since my kids are only ages two and four. I could say Nash was entertained for the most part, at least until her body clock got the better of her. I asked her the next day if she liked the movie, she said she did but she fell asleep.

If, like me, you've seen the Disney classic countless times (thanks to my daughters, I know the words to all the songs by heart), you'll be amused to know that the remake got most of the dialogue on point, with a few tweaks to make it sound more dated and sophisticated (or does anything Emma Watson say sound sophisticated?). They also added some elements to thicken the story line, such as providing some back story about the Beast's childhood and even some reference to the historical French plagues (which has something to do with Belle's past).

The Be Our Guest scene was, in millennial-speak, LIT. The whole production number surpassed everything that I had imagined it would be before watching the movie. The flatware was indeed, entertaining.  It was like Sofitel buffet meets Cirque du Soleil for three minutes. Busog na busog yung mga mata ko. I even had a major tita moment when they showed Mrs. Potts hopping along while the camera pans to the delectable cakes for dessert (it gave me some ideas for a future cupcake and tea shop). The scene in the ballroom (where the theme song was sung) was also nothing short of spectacular. It gave me all the feels.  And I never really cared for Belle's dress in the animated version (yellow is not my color), but I'm having daydreams about this new one.  I also fell in love with the new song, "How Does A Moment Last Forever."

The enchanting dress  (photo from IMDB)

I liked how the characters were portrayed with much more depth in this live-action retelling. That Belle, aside from being the odd girl in the village, was also a promising inventor and Beast was not just this cursed prince who can't read.  But if there was one major game-changer in this movie, it's probably the redemption of Le Fou, played by Josh Gad (who, as we all know, voiced Olaf in Frozen), from being the villain's dumb and loyal (to a fault) sidekick to an openly gay man with a conscience.  Kudos to Disney for having the guts to transcend stereotypes.

 (photo from IMDB)

While some men (my husband and some guys) felt that the film was lacking the magical feel,  especially the part where the beast was levitating and transforming back to his human form (I was kind of expecting the prince to be taller, with silkier hair, but that's just me), I actually found this version quite good and whimsical enough for a live-action fairy tale.  I was enchanted, to say the least. This is the best retelling of a Disney classic that I have seen so far. Ginalingan ng Disney, mga bes. I'm  excited to see what they will do for my other favorites, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin.

The 31-year old me loved the new Beauty and the Beast movie. I'm pretty sure the seven-year old me would love it too. As for the real little girls in this story, they will be watching the film again this weekend, most probably in the afternoon so they don't fall asleep.

(photo from IMDB)

P.S. Luke Evans was awesome as Gaston. That dreamy voice and smolder is definitely the stuff of fairy tales.

Parents, Don't Outsource the Most Important Job - Playing with Your Kids

(February 1, 2017)

Two days ago, the girls' nanny left us. She moved to a different city for a job related to the course she finished, and even though it was us who encouraged her to pursue a career in that field, I can’t help but feel attached. She has been with us since my youngest daughter was born, and she was such a big help to us. She’s like an extended part of our little family. My daughters treat her like their own sister, their favorite friend and playmate.

When she finally decided to leave, I thought of the things that I needed to do in order for my daughters to cope with her departure and I realized, more than those seemingly exhausting things (like preparing their stuff for school or giving them a bath), the thing that I really needed to work on is being there for my kids, and I mean really being there. Being present physically, mentally and emotionally.

Admittedly, although I pride myself on being hands-on with the girls, playtime is one thing that I’ve sort of outsourced to the help. Or if she’s not around, it’s a duty that I have willingly passed on to other people, such as my husband or our siblings. It’s not that I hated playing or spending time with them.  I may even have a few “acceptable” reasons for not doing so:

• Being their mom, I felt like I needed to do more “important” things for them. Things that other people, no matter how much they love my kids, won’t do, such as give them a bath, change their diapers, make a living for them (I used to work at home) or clean up after them. Yes, I skip the fun part and wait for them to finish playing so that I can pack away their toys, which they will mess up again the next day.
•  Being a stay at home mom means I am around my daughters almost 24/7. My youngest also still breastfeeds from me, so having them play with other people grants me a few minutes of “me time.” I'm cool with my children spending time with other members of the family, but if I'm using that as an excuse to stay on my phone, then maybe it's wrong. I hate it when I intend to play with my kids, but then after a few minutes, something catches my attention on Facebook and before I know it, I have already drifted off and let my kids play on their own without Mommy. I feel so guilty when this happens, and it’s also my pet peeve when I see my husband holding his mobile phone while playing with the girls.
•   I want to teach them independence. I don’t want to be the kind of mother who smothers and hovers on her children, not giving them enough room to grow. Really, where do we draw the line between being present and mindful parents and being controlling helicopter moms?

I know my reasons may ring with other parents. I mean, they’re pretty valid if you ask me. It’s not like we’re neglecting them, right? But however justifiable they might seem, we’re still missing a lot by not being present at playtime. We must all know how playing helps the development of our kids and it is the best venue to teach and connect to them without being authoritative.

Barely a week since I stepped back into their playtime routine, I can already see the benefits. I like that I can see how my daughters relate to each other, and I am there to teach them how to share. I also learn more about them as individuals. My first-born is an imaginative four-year old princess who loves to play dress up with her dolls and make up songs (she takes after her Lolo), while my youngest is the most active two year old I’ve ever met. She’s in that phase where she likes to crawl, climb, slide, stand on top of chairs, seeing how long she can balance on top of a rocking wooden horse, those kinds of things. Yes, it’s exhausting, but I realized that spending time with my girls, talking to them, playing pretend makeup and tea party with them, hearing them laughing with each other is really the best use of my time.

As of writing*, we are not looking for a new nanny for the girls. I get a lot of support at home from my husband and my own mother so it’s not that big of an adjustment, but still I have to get used to being the girls’ number one playmate and constant companion. I know it should feel natural for us parents, it is, but I feel like I’ve outsourced it for so long that I still am trying to learn the ropes of playtime. At the back of my head, there’s still that control freak who wants to tidy up the toys before we’re even done playing, and sometimes I still get the urge to use my phone when the girls are not looking (darn you, Google). 

I am now trying this new thing where I play with my kids first, and do the rest of my tasks and have my much needed and well-deserved me-time when they’re asleep.  I catch up on my reading, squeeze in a workout, Netflix and chill by myself at night, while waiting for my husband to come home from work.  I also write at night now, when the day is over and I can reflect on what had happened the whole day. Which means that my blog posts might take longer(er) to finish, but at least, I’m trying to make it a new habit before I go to bed.

I’m  thankful for the opportunity to be with my kids all the time and be their number one playmate. I know some parents don't have that luxury, but I also know of other moms and dads who have full time jobs and are still winning with their kids at play time. It’s not really how long you’re in there with them, just as long as they feel that you’re really present and interested in what they're doing.

I guess it’s just a matter of putting in effort to be with them and really being in the moment, instead of pretending to be around but using your mobile phones. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s worth a try. You know what they say, the days are long but the years are short. So let's make the most out of this phase in their lives.

  Look at them giggle. Doesn't that make every minute of playtime so worth it?

*As of publishing this post, we are still not looking for a new nanny. Some things I noticed recently: my eldest learned to pack away her toys, and my two year old's vocabulary has grown immensely. There are things you only notice when you're paying attention ;)

The Mustard Seed

(January 26, 2017)

Write. Write. Write.

Hello again. As you may (or may not) have noticed, this space have been really quiet the past months. I have been dealing with some things inside my head as a writer. Truth be told, I just didn’t have the- how do I say this? I didn’t have the energy, the will to write something.  I feel like I don’t really have anything “relevant” to write about. Sometimes, I just sit in front of my laptop, stare at a blank screen, and … nganga.  Waley.  Precisely the reason why this blog had been put on a really long hiatus. It felt like I was going to be stuck in this rut forever and I needed to come to terms with myself that I really couldn’t do this blogging thing. It almost felt like the writer has left the building.

But tonight, after reading a blog post about being a stay-at-home mom and embracing that identity, something sparked inside of me. You know when you’re in the mall and you’re walking around just looking at things with no purpose or goal whatsoever and then one second, boom! You remember what you’re supposed to be doing, why you’re in the mall in the first place?  Has that ever happened to you? It did to me just now. It’s like a fire was lit in my heart, and I could either wait for the wind to blow it away and pretend that tiny flame never existed, or do I fan it and ignite that will inside?

I don’t want to use that cliché, “letting life pass you by,” but it is what has been happening lately. Don’t get me wrong. I love each moment that I spend with my family. My husband and I have hurdled challenges of epic proportions the past year and we have never been closer, and the time I spend with my daughters are so precious. But I somehow feel like I’ve been going around in circles trying to find my purpose, trying to listen to God, waiting for Him to reveal His purpose in my life. 

I’ve shared my sentiment with one of my closest friends, and she told me about the journey she’s having (a spiritual one) and recommended that I download the First5 app in my phone. It’s sort of a scripture-reading guide that helps you start your day with a verse in the Bible, along with some commentaries and guide questions to encourage time for reflection. I’m only on day 3 of using that app, but I can somehow feel that it’s helping. Reading a verse or a scripture every morning helps me start the day with some faith and a sense of purpose.

The Gospel for today says, “The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of seeds sown upon the earth. But after it is planted, it grows to be larger than all garden plants and puts forth great branches, so that the birds of the air nest in its shade." Somebody may ask, “What’s the connection?” Well, I just realized, what if God is giving me a mustard seed? What if His plan for me doesn’t come in something grand and monumental? I mean, I know He has great plans for me, but what if it’s not in a big, loud package? Maybe He wants me to start small. Maybe he wants me to take baby steps. To take that mustard seed and cultivate it and see it grow into something big.

I’ve never been a fan of gardening. My husband is, though, and it’s his dream to have a garden of our own where we would grow fruit-bearing trees and plants. I share that dream with him, not only because I’m in love with the idea of having ingredients ready for the picking in my own backyard, but I like the thought of seeing something small and unappealing grow into something beautiful.

Maybe that is the Lord’s plan for me. To take my mustard seed and plant it firmly in faith, and cultivate it. Water it. Take these baby steps of reviving my blog, even if I feel like nobody is interested in it (yet!). And believe. Believe that what He promises, He will deliver. Our God is a God of purpose. Our God is good at being God. Trust in His timing.

So here’s my mustard seed. I’m planting it and I pray that the Lord will grant me the sweetest fruit come harvest season. The writer has not left the building. The writer is a mom and moms don’t quit.

What’s your mustard seed?

About the (Food) Blogger - Part 1

September is my birthday month, and nothing makes a person contemplate life choices better than turning a year older.  So here I am, trying to make up for lost time and doing something a little more special for my birthday.  I'm writing about ME. And not me as a full-time mom to my adorable little girls, which is still my favorite topic and the point of this whole blog, but my next favorite topic, FOOD.

I'm a foodie. I don't know when my love affair with food began; maybe it was when I started embarking on this domesticated phase in my life, or even before that, or maybe I just woke up one day realizing that I love food; making it, devouring it, exploring it, talking (or writing) about it.  How do you know if you're a foodie? Here are some things that confirmed it for me:

• Going on a diet is always a challenge.  Need to state the obvious?  In my path to weight loss, cutting down on food has always been my arch nemesis. I remember crying after the nutritionist told me to avoid chocolates and cream-based pasta because I had gestational diabetes then.
• Most of my money go to food. Some girls spend on clothes, some buy bags or jewelry. For me, it's always been food. Whenever my husband asks me what I want for my birthday or our anniversary, I always say, "Kain na lang tayo sa masarap."
• I get super cranky when I'm hungry. Ask my husband. But he also knows that the quickest way to get on my good side is through my stomach. 
• I always like trying new places to eat. Whether it's the newest it place in town, or those quirky hole in the wall joints, I'm up for it.  Just as long as it looks clean. When I'm visiting a new city or province here or abroad, the first thing I want to find out is "Where is a good place to eat?"

So when my friend told me about Yelp Philippines, I saw that as an opportunity to fulfill my dream of being a food critic. I'm no food expert (yet), but I like to have an avenue where I can write about my good and not so good experiences on places (restaurants) that I've been to. I'm not what you would call an adventurous or sophisticated eater, but I love discovering new and promising places to eat, from the humble village ihaw-ihaw to third wave coffee shops or dessert bars, or anywhere they serve good (cream-based!) pasta. Being a mom, I'm always on the lookout for spots that are family-friendly (since breastfeeding can strike anywhere), and in true kuripot fashion, those that believe in good value for money. 

If you'd like to see some of my reviews, feel free to browse through my Yelp page. Quick disclaimer on my reviews though, I totally suck at food photography.  I need to develop a little more self control and remember to take a decent photo of the dish first before devouring it. You can also find thousands of other reviews about the best spots in Manila from fellow foodies and people who have really been everywhere through Yelp.

I would also love some recommendations for up and coming places to add on my Must Try list, especially those located in the south, because really, life is too short to have a mediocre meal.

The next part of my food blogger post is about my adventures in the kitchen, but for now, let me leave you with some words to chew on:

"People who love to eat are always the best people." - Julia Child

Happy eating!

Enjoying Hong Kong Disneyland with Little kids

*The title specifically said small kids because I would just assume that the experience is different when you're in Disneyland with older kids (7 years old and above). I'm hoping it will be easier, but I don't know for sure.

I dreamed of going to Hong Kong Disneyland when it was built 10 years ago. I've heard a lot about the spectacular fireworks display that brought kids my age to tears. But now that I'm a mom to two little princesses, the dream grew bigger and bigger in my heart that I knew it had to be a reality. My parents were generous enough to treat the whole family to a four-day trip to Hong Kong and a major part of the tour was to bring us kids (yes, myself included) to Disneyland. I'm really super thankful for the opportunity.

As soon as we have established that HK Disneyland was happening, I searched the web for articles about going to Disneyland with a toddler.  I got a lot of useful and practical tips from those, but most of the posts were about Disney World or the Disneyland theme parks in the United States. I found that some of those tips apply, but there are still some additional tips that might be helpful. Also, I've heard some friends and relatives planning to visit the theme park in a few months or later this year, so I'd like to share some of the things I learned based on my experience of bringing kids to this happy place.

• Dress for summer, with a little contingency. 

Hong Kong has a subtropical climate so the days can be pretty humid, but don't disregard any possibility that it might rain. And HK Disneyland is not an indoor park. There's a lot of walking under the sun. One minute we were complaining about how hot and humid it is, the next thing we were cramped in a hotel umbrella waiting for the rain to stop. 

It's best to still dress yourself in light clothing; a shirt, shorts or jeans and walking shoes, and just have a foldable umbrella or a light cardigan with you. Hats are a must-have. If you're breastfeeding a toddler, shawls are the best because it can double as a cover up. And bring an extra shirt. Not just for your child but for you as well. It's going to be quite a long day. 

If you're planning to dress your child in those frilly costumes, I suggest altering their length to one that's summer-friendly. My little girl turned heads in her Princess Aurora full ball gown, but after a few hours, my usually tiis-ganda little darling asked if she can change her dress  into a shirt. Cosplaying is nice, but it's best to make them feel comfortable, especially if you want them to be walking around the park. Her Princess Anna cape was useful though, when it began to rain. (Yes, we brought two costumes with us.)

• Choose to go hands-free.

 My biggest fear in coming to Disneyland was losing my kids inside the theme park, so I made sure that I, or their Tatay or one of our companions is holding their hand as we walk from one attraction to the next. And as the day goes by, the kids will be tired and will ask to be carried. This is why it's best to keep your hands free as much as possible.

During our Disney trip, we opted to ditch the diaper bag and went with a sturdy backpack to carry the essentials. It was even spacious enough to carry our digital camera, when it's not in use and it has side pockets to store our water bottles.

I opted to use our lightweight digital camera instead of our cellphone camera because we can just hang it around our necks instead of reaching in our pockets for our phones to take a photo. 

We didn't have a stroller with us because my kids aren't used to sitting in one and it would be just a waste of space to bring it in our case, but if your kids are okay with it, go bring one so you wouldn't have to carry the kids around especially when they're napping. I wish we brought a carrier with us though. Me and my daughters are joined at the hip, but carrying a toddler for the whole day surely took its toll on my back.

• Go early.  

For theme park hours, visit their official website.  The park opens before lunch time and closes at around 9:00 in the evening, but remember, time flies when you're having fun.  It's best to really be there early to avoid the queues in the ticket booths, go to your chosen attractions (we all loved It's A Small World, so nostalgic) and roam around the park to have your pictures taken with your favorite Disney characters (expect to wait at least 20 minutes for Minnie, Mickey, Anna and Elsa). 

It's also best to get yourself acquainted with the theme park whereabouts and events for the day.  There are three main attractions that you wouldn't want to miss when you go there. The Flights of Fantasy parade at around 3:00 (sadly, we missed this because it was canceled due to the weather), the light show at 7:00 and the awesome fireworks display that follows after that.  Try to work your schedule around these activities so you don't miss them. My little girls loved the light parade. We had the best time there. The fireworks display wowed the adults more than the kids, but still great. 

The queues for the shows were more manageable than I expected (we were there on a Saturday), but it's still good to line up early to get the best seats. 

• Go Disney all the way ...

If you're going to Hong Kong as a family and your main destination is Disneyland, I suggest you book for a night's stay at one of the two hotels inside the resort. It's convenient (they have shuttles going to the main park every 30  minutes), within the vicinity (saves you on the travel time) and definitely completes the whole Disneyland Resort experience (we had buffet breakfast with Chef Mickey!).

We stayed at the Hollywood Hotel, which I hear is more economical than the main Disneyland Hotel.  It is quite expensive to stay the night, but it's definitely worth it. I mean, after an entire day of walking (and carrying the kids) around the theme park,  you wouldn't really want to ride the train (although the Disney train was spectacular) and buses going to the city. You would rather hop on a shuttle bus and chill by the hotel's piano-shaped pool and enjoy the facilities. My husband and I agreed that when the kids are older, we'll go back there and still stay at the Hollywood Hotel. We have to save up big time though.

• But be practical.

One bottle of mineral water inside the theme park costs 20 Hong Kong dollars. Bring your own water bottle instead. Also, if you're planning to bring home pasalubong to friends or officemates, opt to buy them outside of Disneyland to save. Unless it's for someone special or if you have the budget, then go nuts at the Disney stores inside the park. A set of key chains (around 3 or 4) at the Disney store costs a little over 100 HKD, but we bought ours (set of 5) for 50 HKD at Mong Kok (I wouldn't say it's authentic, but it will do). My sister bought these cheap light-up headbands for her nieces at Lan Kwai Fong that they wore during the Light Parade. I would imagine they would be quite costly if we get them inside the theme park. We did buy them some toys at the Disney store though, as a sort of memento for their first time at Disneyland. 

• Manage your expectations.

The moment we stepped inside the theme park, my daughter's jaw dropped, gaping at the sight of Aurora's castle. Well, that's how I pictured it in my head. Instead, she was heavily distracted by the window displays at the Disney stores and wanted nothing else but to get inside and shop for toys.  

Don't get me wrong, my kids had the time of their lives. You should hear my one-year old say the words Disneyland and Hong Kong. But what do we know about little kids and toddlers? They love to surprise us. What we think they'll do might not probably happen (although it's always best to be ready for anything), so while we're waiting for them to be amazed and swept off their feet, it wouldn't hurt for us to have a good time as well. Disneyland is for kids of all ages anyway, right?

My daughter was so shy around the mascots that we didn't even get a decent picture of her and Minnie Mouse (even though she loves to watch her on TV), wouldn't even go near Mickey, but she had a blast at the 3D animation theater.  It rained when we were there, but instead of sulking that my girls wouldn't be able to see the princesses at the afternoon parade, I made the most of the kids' nap time to enjoy one "big kid" ride with my siblings. 

When I wasn't focused on trying to make sure things went according to plan, I had a lot of fun being a kid with my kids; eating corn on the cob, admiring the awesome displays (how cool is Toy Story Land?!), blowing kisses at the Princesses... Fun times indeed. 

So that's about it. I didn't expect this post to be this long, but I hope this helps some parents who are planning on going to Disney with their toddlers, and those who are still contemplating if their two-year olds are too small for it. Go for it, I tell you. You can manage. And don't forget to relax and enjoy the moment. 

What I learned from bringing my daughter to play school aka the "I don't want to be that mother" post (Part 3 -last na!)

(For the first two parts of my post, look at the archives on the right side of the screen.)

The third lesson that I have learned from bringing my daughter to summer school had little to do with her and more with me.

During those first few days in Nash's school, aside from observing the students and teachers at the preschool, I was also, unconsciously, noticing the other parents who would bring their kids to school, and those who would inquire. 

I guess it's human nature to look at another person and make conclusions about them based on what you see on the outside. Most of the parents that I saw were a little advanced in age, maybe a couple was about my age and just one dad younger than me. From how they looked and how they talked to the teachers there, it was easy to fall into the trap of classifying them according to the "5 (or 6 or 8, depending on what blog you read) Types of Parents You Meet at Preschool" and see how you measure up to them or against them. That was me on the first few days at summer school, and the moment I realized I was doing it, I hurriedly snapped myself out of it. I didn't want to be that mother. The kind who has some imaginary scale or standard she uses to compare herself with other mothers.  

It was not on the social scale that I was sizing myself up against them (although I was a little intimidated at the start, I'll tell you that) but on the amount of involvement with our kids. I've always thought of myself as a hands-on mom, so when a mother drops off her kid to the school without even a wave goodbye, and picks him up late, I jump to conclusion that she's the "only looking for a babysitter" type.

I also think, given that most of them are professionals (or retired or businessmen) and I'm a stay-at-home mom with a home-based sideline, what do I have to offer them? That's what I meant by sizing myself up to them. Does what I do reflect on what kind of parent I am to my daughter? Would they want their kids to be friends with mine?

But from days of hanging out at the preschool and chatting with the other moms and the headmistress there, I learned that those stereotypes mean nothing. The only standard of being a good mom in preschool is being open to the changes that your child will experience and being willing to embrace that and share what you have learned with other parents. I realized that I didn't have to measure up to the other moms or dads in preschool. There is no definite description of a good mother that I have to fit into. The only mother that I have to be is the kind that my child needs.

The beauty of preschool for kids is that they have no prejudices. They don't care about stature. They don't care what the other kid is wearing, they don't care what their classmates' parents do for a living, or where they live or what their cars are, they just play and take in everything that they can learn. 

I decided to adopt the same outlook. I am still new to this "parenting a preschooler" thing anyway.  While I won't be spending too much time getting other parents to like me, I can promise that I'll keep in mind that we're all (or at least most of us are) newbies here.  So I'll be more forgiving if their kid accidentally knocks my little girl down on the floor, and not judge them if their three-year old is not as articulate as mine, just like they won't judge me when they see my daughter having a meltdown when she hears loud music. Just as our kids are still learning, so are we.  

It's been weeks since summer school ended and Nash is now officially  a preschooler.  There are still off days where I have to drag her out of the car to go inside her classroom, but I'm learning to take it in stride and not stress too much about it. Because there are also priceless moments when I see my daughter sharing a laugh with her new friends, learning to share and becoming braver and more confident each day. 

As for this Mommy, I have managed to make one mommy friend in my daughter's preschool. She is a few years older than me but we hit it off instantly. Our kids didn't end up being classmates but we would still chat when we see each other in the corridors or at the playground. She was even kind enough to send me some fresh Oregano leaves from her garden when she learned that I had a bad cold. I am on smiling terms with some of the parents who pick up their children from school, and some try to avoid eye contact and that's fine. Maybe she has a lot on her mind, or she's shy like me.

There are so many articles on the web about preparing your child for preschool. I read none of them before Nash started school, although I wish I did.  It is a huge adjustment, especially for me and my daughter who are joined at the hip. But I can't wait for my little girl to discover this new world. I'll be with her every step of the way, that's for sure.

Thanks for reading this three-part post. I hope you picked up something and I hope your little ones settles into school quickly. Have a great school year, fellow parents!

What I learned from bringing my daughter to play school aka the "Idon't want to be that mother" post (Part 2)

Nash is slowly adjusting to the classroom setting. She is learning to interact with other kids and not 'hurt the boys' as she would always say. She's okay being left in the classroom with her teachers and classmates while I stay outside. 

I'm already so at home in Nashie's school and I feel like we're already getting the hang of this preschool thing, the routine. Our little Miss has already started making friends, and even her Mommy too. I'm so excited for my daughter. I'm excited for art classes and her playing with her classmates and field trips, all the fun stuff. Even shopping for school supplies. 

One day, I was folding my daughters' clothes and updating their wardrobe (sorting clothes that are either already too small and we can give away, or getting new ones from their big bag of unused clothes - mostly gifts, I do this every quarter), I looked at some of Nash's new clothes and admired them and visualized how great she would look in these, going to her classmate's birthday parties, performing in school, having play dates ...

Then I had to stop myself. Here I go again. I was turning into another kind of mother I didn't want to be. The mother who was too concerned with their kids' appearances and social calendar.

My kid entering preschool is really bringing out the stage mother in me.  My daughter has only been in play school for a little over a week, she hasn't even fully adjusted yet and here I am, already coordinating her outfits for when she gets asked to attend a birthday party.  No.  I cannot, for the life of me, be that mother.

There's really nothing wrong with dressing up your kids. It's cute, and for a mom of two girls like me, almost normal. It's my mindset that I have to keep in check. When we decided to have kids, my husband and I said we would be raising them to be simple, frugal and confident human beings. I don't want them to have this mindset where much of their time would revolve around thinking about what to wear for a party. I don't like them to be too conscious about their appearance.

Kids these days are different, being exposed to #ootd at such an early age. But I want my kids to be different in a way that they know better than equating  their worth on clothes or shoes. 

Again, really nothing wrong with dressing up. I needed to stress that because I myself love doing it. All those beautiful and shiny pink things. And it's easy to get caught up with all that frivolity. But I just had a wake up call about the message that I'm sending to my girls. As parents we need to be more mindful of that. Actions speak louder than words, as the cliche goes. With my actions, am I saying that they need to have nice clothes to be liked? Or am I saying that it's okay if they don't have new shoes just as long as they are kind to others? I always have to be reminded of that so  I don't lose sight of the big picture.

While I want my girls to grow up knowing the importance of proper hygiene and always looking neat and well-groomed, I want them to know that it's what's inside that counts.  I want them to be confident to go to a party wearing whatever it is that makes them comfortable.  We don't have to be that mother and daughter who shows up to every school activity each looking spotless and very well-coordinated.  Heck, we don't even have to show up if we don't want to (and need to). We just have to be kind and polite to everyone we know, and hope that they like us for who we are.

Nash is not going to turn up in school wearing only a sack anytime soon, but she needs to know that her attitude matters more than the clothes on her back. I'm not going to stop her if she wants to wear a tutu dress every day (she does, fyi), just as long as she's dressing up for own happiness and always bringing her true self in class.

What I learned from bringing my daughter to play school aka the "Idon't want to be that mother" post (Part 1)

Nash is starting school in June, and in preparation for that, we have enrolled her in summer school, which is more like an intro to preschool program at our prospective school. It's so the kids who are first-timers can get a grasp of the school set-up, familiarize themselves with the surroundings and the people. Let me start by saying that this is a really great program where kids can immerse themselves in their new environment, but also for parents to at least know what to expect come June and keep their expectations in check for preschool. This part was so true for me.

The first few days in summer school were tough for Nash, but also for her mommy.  On her first day of school, Nash cried. She was doing well by herself for the first half hour and then she got startled by a loud noise and started crying. As her mother, I can tell if she was only "acting" or if she was really terrified. I saw the latter in her eyes as her teacher handed her back to me and my daughter wrapped her entire body in my arms.

At that moment I wanted to say to hell with all of this, I'm taking my child and I'm going to home school her and we'll be happy in our own little bubble. But I know that she needed this. She needs to learn to adapt and she needs go to school. 

On the second day of summer school, my little diva didn't want to mingle with the other kids, didn't want to participate in the activities and was basically clinging to me. While the other kids were stomping and singing along with the teacher, Nash, who was our home's personal entertainer and production number, was less than keen on joining them. I would encourage her to join in and even tried clapping and singing along with them, but it didn't work. 

That frustrated me a lot. I never really thought of myself as a stage mother, but knowing how great my daughter is in singing or dancing and knowing how much of a superstar she is, I couldn't get with the fact that she was being a wallflower in kindergarten. I got to a point where I felt my temper was simmering and I was close to scolding her for not participating. That was the time that I decided to step out of the room and leave Nash with her Ate (our helper). I knew I wouldn't be able to help her in that posture. 

The moms outside the classroom must have seen the frustration in my face and they reassured me that it was okay. "That's normal," the school's principal said. I told them I needed to step out because I was getting so frustrated. "Please don't be," said the principal. It's part of the first day of school blues. The teachers were used to it. But I was not. I was used to my daughter being so talkative in our house. To her being our Little Miss Sunshine. 

At that point I realized that I've been expecting too much from her. She was always this achiever in my eyes that I couldn't bear with the fact that she's having a little trouble coping up with her new environment. Then it hit me. I was turning into that mother. The mother who expected too much from her kids, who forced them into doing something they're not yet comfortable with. I don't want to be that mother. 

I was also shy and timid growing up, but I never remembered my mother forcing me to open up and participate when I'm not ready. I knew this mother not from my own parents, but from aunts and uncles who would force us to perform a song or dance number in family reunions.  Sometimes we would be cajoled or bribed into doing it, but sometimes we really wouldn't, no matter how much they forced us to. Then they would shake their heads in disappointment and we wouldn't hear the end of it until the party was over. 

While I realize now that maybe they did mean well, like they really thought we were that talented that we should show it to the world, or they just wanted us to experience the same fun they were having being in front of the crowd (being the extroverts that they are), I also remembered feeling awful that we were being forced into doing something we didn't want to do, that we almost dreaded coming to reunions, and even worse, feeling that we disappointed our elders.

I know my daughter is a superstar. I believe that in my heart. But I realized that I shouldn't be forcing her to do something she's not yet comfortable with or channeling my frustrations on her that way.  While it's okay to tell her to keep trying and not give up, I should give her more room to adjust and figure things out in her own pace. When she's ready, she'll open up. It might take time, but as her mother, I have to be patient with her as she starts her journey in this new environment and reassure her that Mommy will always be there guiding and supporting her. 

Stuff My Threenager Says

My three-year old is the boss of everything.

To be fair, I didn't really experience the gravity of the terrible twos with my eldest daughter. Maybe because I found everything she did terribly amusing. But the third year is posing to be more of a challenge for us.  She went from being this cute little toddler who struggles to string words together to make us understand what she wants to say, to this headstrong little lady who can now argue her way into getting something.

 She's opinionated, she's moody and boy does she love to make a face when we tell her to behave.    Yes, ladies and gents, I am now raising a threenager.*

The threenager is that age when your 3-year-old continually acts like they are going on 13. They have an attitude for miles, a stubborn streak, and want what they want... when they want, blogger Kristen Hewitt wrote in the article "10 Signs You Are Living With a Threenager."

Nash has always been advanced with her vocabulary (she learned to talk and sing before she could actually walk), but lately her choice of words has really evolved.  Most of the time I just shake my head because I can't believe that came from the mouth of a three-year old.  No swear words though, that is never allowed in our house.  But let me share them with you while I still find them amusing (it will be a different story if she talks like this when she's 15, that's for sure), some of my threenager's favorite words and how she uses them:

"Come on!" - usually a response to no, or later.  Whenever I don't agree on what she wants to happen.

"That's not gonna happen." - when I ask her to do something and she doesn't want to do it.

"Stop acting, Mommy." - when I pretend to be mad at someone else in the house. How did she know I was just acting, anyway?

"I'm bored. I wanna do something." - basically when she's bored, and the iPad/my phone is nowhere to be found.

"I'm not wearing that." - used quite often.  When she doesn't agree on my choice of outfit for her, which is usually something that isn't pink.

"That's not fair." - when things don't go her way. Like when her Tatay and her uncle has to leave for the office.

"She/he's not my friend." - usually when we have a friend with us (meaning my friend or her Tatay's friend) and she's not feeling that person, and she doesn't want him or her to ride in the car with us.

"Don't shout at me." - I found this totally amusing because she said it with much gusto when the person she was really saying that too wasn't even shouting or raising her voice at her (the woman was just naturally high-pitched). I therefore conclude that threenagers are sensitive.

"Don't be mad at her." - her referring to her baby sister or her favorite cousin, when we try to discipline them.  She can be too protective at times.  #tagapagtanggolngnaaapi

I'm sure there's a lot more that I couldn't remember at this moment. Yes, it really sounds funny and I'm the first one to be really amused when I hear her talk like this, but I try not to laugh and tell her when she's not being nice.  I know, I don't really have to explain myself.

She's growing up too fast and every day I pray that God will grant me the patience and the wisdom to guide her to be the best person that she can be, kind and polite, just like her ... Tatay.

Earlier, after she changed into her jammies, drank her milk, and finished watching "Wreck It Ralph" for the nth time, she called me and said, "Mommy, can you please sleep beside me?" I felt a tug at my heartstrings. At the end of what can be considered a tiring day for the two of us (me watching over her and her little sister and her, playing all day), she still longed for me just like when she was a helpless infant.  So I put my phone aside and lay down beside her.  I asked her if she would want me to sing to her, and she said "Can you please carry me?" She weighs over 16 kilos now, but I happily obliged.  She fell asleep in a few minutes in my arms.  Snoring like an adult. Tomorrow she'll have enough energy to pretend to be Ms. Bossypants, this little diva again.  But I know in my heart, she will always be my little baby.

*Can relate? I'd love to hear from other moms of girls, or moms of threenagers out there.