Defining Your Family's New Normal

 Day 23 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine. And it seems like we're not seeing the end of the tunnel yet.

By now, we’re all already used to being at home the whole day (I’ve been used to it for a while, being a stay-at-home mom) and the novelty of it has probably worn out. Same goes for our kids. They have probably adjusted to their new schedule and to the routine we’ve established for them during this period.

For me, a mom to little kids (from toddler to school-age), this whole lockdown was quite a curveball. Some of you parents may agree. Just when we thought we got parenting figured out, this happens. And again we’re at a loss on what to do. Do we parent in panic mode and traumatize our children for the rest of their lives? Do we try to be normal and attempt to imitate the classroom setting, to ensure our children’s learning continues, since the school year wasn’t actually finished? Do we try homeschooling, unschooling and all those fancy parenting styles we read on the internet?

We’re again faced with the decision and responsibility of explaining the gravity of the situation to our children without instilling (or transferring our) fear. 

Such is parenting in the time of Corona. Our days are filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Going to the supermarket, a task we’ve mastered before now seems like a dangerous chore. We worry about our family, our community as the number of COVID cases rises every day. Yet we still try to spark hope and reach out to our frontliners, and teach our children to do the same. All of these while sounding like a broken record reminding everyone in our household to wash their hands.

And whether we like it or not, what is happening right now will affect our children’s lives in the future.   

Here comes the "silver lining:" We are now given the chance (and for some, the extra time) to change our children’s future. Being at home and being around us mean we can teach them things first hand. We can be available to them, to answer their questions and spark their curiosity. 

Photo by Christopher Ivanov on Unsplash

So if this is the new normal, and we’re building this new way of life for our kids, what attitude and beliefs would you like to be part of it? 

Personally, these are the things that I do NOT want my kids to consider as normal:

• Social distancing and quarantine. Or the lack of freedom. I want to go to the supermarket without having to wear a spacesuit, and worrying if the can of pork and beans I touched will make me sick. I want to be able to meet up with my friends and give my niece a hug. I want my kids to be able to play in the park again and go to the beach.
• Being paranoid with the people around me. I know I’m a “praning mom” and I’ve always warned my children about stranger danger, but I still don’t want them to live in a world where they are always anxious and suspicious. I want them to be carefree and trusting and see the good in people, instead of always looking for warning signs for anyone they meet.
• Hoarding. And people being selfish just because they can. Kids should know that there are plenty of blessings to go around. They should not keep taking just because they have the means, while others are left with nothing.

And if they aren’t yet, these SHOULD be part of the new normal:

• Practicing proper hygiene. Constant hand washing, taking a bath after coming from a public place.
• Praying together as a family. Praying for those who are not part of your social circle.
• Being a good citizen and following the law.
• Being mindful and considerate of others. People now know the importance of staying home when you’re sick, and not touching babies and old people.
• Respect for personal space. Maintaining a safe distance doesn’t mean you’re being a snob or “maselan.” It means you just want yourself and others to feel comfortable.
• Compassion for others. Sending out thank you notes to your doctor, get well soon cards and food to sick people should always be a part of the norm.
• Respect for those who make life easier for us. Not just our doctors and nurses, but also the supermarket attendants, delivery guys, cleaners and street sweepers.
• Respect for teachers. Okay, so it seems homeschooling is not for everyone. We should really honor the teachers for their dedication and the PATIENCE they have for our children. After this pandemic, we should all agree to give them higher pay and better working conditions.
• Respect for those who stay at home. If you’re reading this and you’re fed and safe (and without children constantly distracting you), thank your mom. Or your wife. Our work is REAL and running a tight ship isn’t easy. Now you know why we need a break, even if we “just stay at home.”
• Freedom of speech. I’m not the type to be political, but as Princess Jasmine sang, “I won’t be silenced.” If you raised your kids right, then you shouldn’t be afraid if they want to use their voice. Having a different opinion or questioning their leaders doesn’t make them ungrateful or unpatriotic.  So pay attention to your children. Raise them well so they only know how to speak the truth and they have the integrity to back their words with actions

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Some say we will never go back to the way it was before; we shouldn’t. 

And what we do today as parents, as citizens, as human beings will create a new normal for our children. So we should do our best to make sure we won’t have to say sorry to them in the future.

May we all emerge wiser, stronger and kinder after this pandemic.

Teach These Four Healthy Habits to Your Kids

Photo by Valeria Ushakova from Pexels

As parents, our ultimate goal is the safety and well-being of our children. We consult our doctors, read parenting books and exhaust all possible resources to make sure we’re doing the right things. And doing everything for them is not enough. We must be able to instill in our kids important lessons that they will remember and use throughout their lives.

With all the different parenting styles emerging and new information available out there, it can be pretty confusing to determine which things we should prioritize teaching our kids. But when it comes to health, there are some habits that are universally deemed as important. Being a parent myself, I’ve found that there are four main things that I should follow and implement to ensure my children’s well-being and prevent them from being sick.

Whether you read it on a website or consult a health practitioner, these four healthy habits always make the cut:

Drinking a lot of water

 

From blood circulation and cell growth to proper digestion and supporting the immune system, it’s a universal truth that our bodies would not function well without water. Dehydration or the lack of water in the body has serious health risks such as heat stroke, urinary and kidney problems, even headaches and constipation.

Educate your kid with the importance of drinking water and train him to make it his go-to drink. At six months, babies are allowed a little bit of water to go with their solids. So before you introduce juices and other sugary drinks in his diet, make sure that he has a good habit of drinking water first. Teach him to drink one glass of water after every meal. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also recommends drinking a glass of water before, during and after any physical activity to replace the fluids that were lost, and even more in hot, humid weather conditions.

Being physically active

 

Exercise has so many beneficial effects on our children’s bodies including improvement of their mental and emotional health, sharpening their motor skills, strengthening bones and muscles, and lowering the risk of life-threatening illnesses like diabetes and heart disease.

The AAP recommends at least 60 minutes of physical activity for children ages 6 and up. But as early as age 1, you can help your child develop a love for exercise and being physically active. Take him for a walk every morning or go to the playground. Simple exercises such as running and jumping are fun for kids too. When he’s big enough, introduce him to a sport and teach him some stretching exercises.

If going outside is not an option right now, you can still enjoy some physical activities indoors like doing kids Yoga or dance workouts on YouTube.

Teaching your child to be physically active will also lessen the risks that prolonged exposure to technology has on most kids today.

Hand Hygiene

 

According to the World Health Organization, our hands are the main pathways for germ transmission. A lot of bacteria and infectious diseases can be passed through handshakes or touching dirty surfaces.

With a communicable virus affecting millions of people around the world today, never has proper handwashing been more important. Teach your child to wash his hands with soap and water before and after meals, after using the toilet, after he coughs or sneezes and every time he comes home. Aside from washing his hands, tell him to refrain from rubbing his eyes or touching his face, and putting his fingers in his mouth when his hands are dirty to prevent the spread of bacteria.

Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Getting enough rest

 

After a long day, all we want is to rest our tired bodies and get some sleep. Well, not for our kids. They want to use up all their energy before they can say they’re ready for bed. But the AAP recommends a guideline of adequate sleep duration for different age groups for children to ensure their optimal health. This is because getting enough sleep leads to general wellness and improved quality of health, and lack of it can cause physical illness and behavioral problems to name a few.

Establishing a bedtime routine for your child is essential to develop a good sleeping habit. Setting a regular time for bed is the first step. Don’t wait for your baby to be yawning or throwing tantrums before you put them to bed. Other suggestions include turning off the TV and all screens at least 30 minutes before bedtime (or not putting those gadgets in your kid’s bedroom in the first place), taking a relaxing bath, reading a book and setting up the room (lighting) to be conducive to sleeping.


They may sound simple, but it’s essential for your child to acquire these healthy habits at an early age so they can stay fit and have a generally well-balanced life. Proper education, training, and modeling are key so that they can develop these valuable habits. It may require some effort on our part, but it’s worth it knowing that our kids will lead a healthy lifestyle in the long run.

To My Husband, While We're in this Season of Raising Small Kids

There's this photo of us that I love. It was taken maybe when we were still engaged or before that. I was wearing my favorite Aubrey Hepburn shirt, and you were wearing a baggy shirt. You didn't care for slim fit clothing then. We were smiling, looking at something. You were probably saying something funny, and I was just trying hard not to laugh, or to look cute.

That felt like ages ago. We looked so carefree. We were so carefree. Going into marriage, we never thought we'd have children so soon. Then we had our first child. And then another. And another.

We're in this season. This tumultuous season of raising small kids.

We're in the season of wiping butts, and of wiping tears. Of repeating words and fixing messes.
We're in the season of playing referee, of "teaching while having fun," of navigating parenting styles and learning how to discipline three unique individuals, and what all of these means for us as a family.

We're in the season of midnight snacks and Netflix and Chill are our kind of date nights.
Of being sandwiched and squished by three little people on the bed, and the only thing we can do is reach for each other's hand and say goodnight as we're careful not to wake the baby.

People will look at us, with our frazzled looks, stained shirts, furrowed brows and they will not think of us as couple goals. If they don't know any better, they might even think, "I'm never having kids!"

But while we're here, I just want you to know, there's nobody else I would want to be with in this season but you.
Nobody else I want to argue parenting styles with, play good cop-bad cop with.
At the end of a really long day, I look forward to rehashing everything our children did, with you. No hand I'd rather reach for in bed but yours.

Sometimes it feels as though (at least for me) our kids are all we have. That everything is about them.  But you know what they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." Someday we'll hope that we're all they have and their lives only revolve around us.

We've been married for almost 10 years, and a big part of it, we've spent taking care of our children. Sometimes I wonder, some of the things we promised to do after we got married, we haven't gone around to doing yet. But then I remember that we're in this season, and even though it feels like forever, it is fleeting.

But as our children grow, we also grow with them.  We grow as individuals, we grow as parents, and we grow as a couple. You've seen me turn from being a starry-eyed girl in my twenties to a striving mother of three in my thirties. And you've been so gracious to all the changes that happened. Change of status, change of address, change of plans, everything.

Some things haven't changed though. You still make me laugh with your awesome sense of humor, something that our kids got from you. My blood still boils with that unbelievable temper of yours.  Something that I pray our children will not inherit. I'm still in awe of your passion, determination, and generosity.

Looking at us, I think we're still the same couple in that photo. We're still smiling, looking at the same thing together. You're still trying to make me laugh, but it's not about some silly thing anymore. We're staring at our cute little kids, probably wondering how our lives would be without them.

So we're in this season. This epic, exhausting, exhilarating season of being parents of little kids. And however long this stage of our life turns out to be, I'm glad that I'm in it with you. 

When You Grow Up, I'll Remember

When I was a kid, your grandfather would bring us to parks, good places to eat and play, or anywhere the family could have fun, and then he would encapsulate a nice memory we have together by saying, "Paglaki niyo, maalala niyo ito," which translates to "When you grow up, you'll remember this (specific memory)."

I wanted to have moments like that with you, but sometimes I feel like you're too young to actually remember anything. Raising you though, made me realize that this phase we're in right now is different. It's me who wants to remember everything about you today. The things you say and how you make me so happy. And then when you grow up, I'll remember.

My darling, you're only four years old, but there's already so much I want to remember about you.

I'll remember your butt dance and your funny faces, and how you want to make everybody around you laugh. And after your great-grandpa died, you asked your Lola, "Do you miss your dad?"  And when she said yes, you tried to console her. You said, "You'll see him in heaven, with Jesus." We laughed. When we talk about you, you always ask, "Are you talking about me?" And we laugh because you always find a way of making things lighter.

You have a way with people that always makes them feel better when you're around. You entertain them by talking to them, asking them questions or serving them pretend food. Every time I remember that about you, I always feel so proud.

Usually, parents are proud when their children achieve something in school, or in sports. You're a very smart, athletic and talented kid, but what makes me proudest is your personality. How you make everybody smile. One time, you asked Instagram if you're cute. And our followers gushed at how adorable you are. Sometimes I wish I can share your videos with the world, but that's another issue about protecting your privacy and preserving your childhood. And we have moments that are way too precious to be reduced to an IG story.

I'll fondly remember them so that when you grow up, I'll tell you. That even as a kid, you were so precious and kind. When the time comes that you doubt how good of a person you are, I'll tell you that you were the sweetest child on the planet.

Because you're such an easy child, I worry about you for the future. I wonder if more years on earth or adolescence will change you. I know I still have a decade to prepare for that, but I hope you remain to be the sweet, good-natured girl that I love.

But when the rebellion years begin and you start to find me annoying, I'll remember how you told me that when you're already a grown-up, we'll be the best of friends. When you want to move out or be as far away from me as possible, I'll remember how you promised to visit me all the time. When you start getting all those teenage angst and emotions, I'll remember how you always forgive me when I'm having mom tantrums, and I'll try to give you the same patience that you should be accorded.

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

One day, you asked, "When will my life change?" and I'm not sure you really understood what that question meant. You and me both, sweetheart. You're always excited to grow older, and taller, and to be able to do more things like your big sister. But there are also days when you want to be carried and pretend to be the baby. I wish I can keep it that way forever. That all you need is a hug from Mommy to be okay.

As much as we want everything around you to be perfect, and you can bet that Tatay and I will make sure you have the best life, the truth is life gets a little harder each time you get older. And when those challenging situations start to dampen your spirit, I'll tell you the things that I remember about you. I'll remind you of how strong and brave you are. I pray that I'll be there when the time comes that you need me to tell you these things. And I hope you don't cringe when you find out how sentimental your mother is.

All these things, I'll keep in my heart, because it is my job as your mother to be the keeper of everything about you, tangible and intangible, including your dreams, your fears, and your memories, to be imparted to you in the future.

But when you grow up, there's just one thing that I want you to remember: you have me. When things get hard, never forget that you have a family who believes in you and will always be there for you. Even when the time comes that you stop seeing me in rose-colored glasses, I hope you remember that Mommy loves you.

When you grow up, I'll remember how much you loved me and that will never fail to put a smile on my face.

When Mommy Throws a Tantrum

Yesterday, Nash and I went to her new school for an orientation. It was supposed to be a fun morning for the upcoming first grader, but it turned out to be a very frustrating experience for both of us. My headstrong little girl didn't want to join the games, didn't want to line up with the other children, she did not want to participate at all. It was like the first day of preschool all over again. (Remember my blog post about that? No? Read it here.) To add to that, she was making a face about not wanting to join as I was trying to talk her into it and it annoyed me so much that I pushed her more to the point where she was almost in tears. Needless to say, she threw a tantrum in her new school.

But as the story progressed, someone threw an even bigger tantrum. It was me. The mom.

See, as a mom, I always looked forward to things like these. My firstborn's orientation in big school. I pictured it being an awesome activity for our little family. I prepared everything my child would need the night before, and woke up extra early to give the kids a bath, even skipping breakfast (me, not my daughter) to make sure we would make it there on time. But alas, life happened and things didn't go as planned. Because we were already running late, my husband decided to stay home with the other kid who didn’t want to wake up yet, leaving me to go with our eldest and baby boy in tow. When we got there, the first graders were already lined up, all ready and rowdy to play games. My daughter, overwhelmed by the number of kids, started clinging to me. I gave her a gentle nudge to go with the other kids, even look for a familiar face (she had a previous classmate also going to that school). But she wouldn't budge. She just kept saying no. I could feel eyes on me as I struggled to hold my one-year-old baby while trying to get his big sister to fall in line. I also heard my voice get a notch higher. Nash was determined to say no, and I just kept insisting she should join. Our discussion was so heated that it came to the point where she said, "I don't want to go to school anymore." and I told her she was grounded (no watching TV or on the phone for the whole day).

Remember my previous post when I said, "I don't want to be that mother?"  Well, guess what? I felt every bit like that mom yesterday. Everything I learned about positive parenting and the right way to encourage my kid just flew out the window.

I got so frustrated that my temper was no better even after the event. In the car, Nash was back to her playful mood, but I was still seething. I threw a fit when my husband told me he couldn't go with us to lunch because he had work (I'm usually more understanding), and when we got home, I was just so mad that I asked the babysitter to feed my youngest. I felt that my emotions were too high that I couldn't focus on the simple task of feeding my baby.  I did not make a scene or had an outburst of any kind, but like the typical introvert, being in a bad mood meant grumbling to myself and slamming the door, being irritable even when other people around me were not doing anything wrong. I threw a tantrum and left a trail of destruction and wounded emotions behind.

Photo by nrd on Unsplash

After being alone in my thoughts for a few minutes, a light meal and some dessert, I calmed down and returned to my usual self. Then I was able to reflect on what happened. Why was I so mad earlier? Was it because I skipped breakfast so I felt so cranky and "hangry?" Was it because people were already looking and I was starting to feel embarrassed? Or because despite all my efforts and sacrifices, nothing was working out as planned? It can also be because I knew how far my daughter has come when it comes to her social skills, so it frustrated me that she was having a hard time again.

 But I have already anticipated that happening since the school she would be going to has triple the number of students in class than her preschool. I knew she would be overwhelmed by the changes and I know we would be able to overcome it like we did before.

So if I kind of knew that was going to happen, then the problem wasn't her resistance to participate, the problem was how I reacted to it. I let my frustration get in the way of responding the best way I know how when we encounter those situations. All I wanted was for my daughter to be excited about her new school. Instead, I managed to achieve the opposite of that. She even told me, "I don't think I'm ready for big school," and that stung. We have been preparing for this day and I thought she was ready.

I felt so bad. But fortunately, in motherhood, we’re given plenty of chances to right our wrongs. Once I was calm, I asked Nash if she was still mad at me. She nodded, and when I asked her why, she said, "Because you kept forcing me to join and I didn't want to." After I asked the question, I apologized and left her alone to play. She was actually okay after. There was no trace of the moody little girl of that morning.

When it was time to get ready for bed, I started talking to her again about what happened. She was now ready to open up, and she told me about her favorite parts and her not so favorite parts of the event. I explained to her, confessing that I acted the way I did because I wanted her to enjoy and make some friends in her new school.  My favorite part is this: when I told her why I was so frustrated, she replied, "Maybe I just didn't get the hang of it yet." She said those words calmly, acting all mature, that it gave me a glimpse of the conversations that I would be looking forward to in the future. "It will be okay," I finally said. "Everything will be much better next time." She forgave me for being so hard on her. We're lucky our kids don't hold grudges.

Looking back at what happened, I realized that maybe I was just feeling tired and frustrated that day, and I took it out on the closest target - my child. It didn't dawn on me until later on that maybe she was feeling the same way. Lesson learned for me. I guess I needed a refresher. I got so used to her being able to handle things by herself (she's the Ate in the house), I forgot she needed some reassurance that I would be proud of her no matter what.

So, Mommy had a tantrum. That means I'm not perfect. There will be times that I will fall short, and things won't go according to plan. And I have to acknowledge that I need to take a breather sometimes. Yes, even mommies need a time-out. But only so we don’t lose our minds and we can bounce back, stronger and wiser than the last time. Because as parents, we cannot let one setback stop us from what we were made to do, who we were meant to be, and that's being the kindest, most understanding and loving people in our child's life.

I had a weak moment, but now I’m ready to help my little girl in this new chapter in her life. So, bring it on, big school, we're ready for you!

The Gift of Motherhood

The phrase "Motherhood is a gift" gets thrown around a lot of times that it almost feels like a cliche. Why do they say it though? I know I'm blessed to have gotten this gift six years ago. I know some women have not received it yet (or decided not to be a mother, that's fine too if that's what they want). Although when you're trying to get a fussy baby to sleep, when you barely have the time to look at yourself in the mirror, when you feel like you don't know who you are anymore, you get to thinking, really, where's the gift part in motherhood? What perks did I get? I know there's supposed to be a lot, but sometimes, I don't know exactly what those are. Does anybody else feel that?

Then, it came. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was actually in the shower when it hit me, how motherhood has changed me as a person. And in no particular order, the answers just came flashing by: 

It gave me friends. Before becoming a mother, I have often regarded myself as cliquish, because I'm quite shy and a little awkward. Typical introvert. I didn't know how to initiate conversations as I feel like I usually have nothing in common with most people. Fast forward to now, I have learned how to make small talk with other moms. Some of those chats later on became meaningful conversations and passing acquaintances evolved into deep friendships. It's easy because being a mom makes you so connected to other women; their struggles, their joys and fears are also my own. I have learned to open up to people without constantly worrying that I'm being judged. I gained friends, and found a community. That being said, I have also learned to value the people who knew me before motherhood happened, and those who stuck with me even though we barely have time to catch up.

It gave me laughter. Motherhood taught me to laugh at the silliest things. And as all those parenting memes prove, we can take the most stressful situations in our lives and turn it into some inside joke only us moms understand. Plus I get my daily dose of funny antics from my very own personal jokers.





It gave me a voice. I have been blogging way before blogging was considered cool again, although it's called vlogging now. But I have always struggled with keeping my blogs because I didn't know what to write about; I didn't have that much passion for something to be putting it into writing. But that was before motherhood. Now, I have a point of view. And I have found a higher purpose for my blog than just to vent. I have learned that with my voice, as a mom, I can inspire and encourage others.  I'm always so excited to write on my blog because it meant pouring my heart out to my readers - my fellow moms or parents, who can relate to what I’m going through. Hopefully in the future, my children will get to read what I wrote (or they'll appreciate it more if I vlog?) and they will know how much I loved and love being their mom.

It gave me compassion. Gone are the days when I would only think of what would be best for me, or do things that would only serve my own interests. Motherhood made me realize how blessed I am to have the resources and support available, and that sadly, not all women have the same. When you're a mother, your heart would ache every time you learn that a little child is sick, when a fellow mother is struggling, or being misunderstood. That if you could do something, even just a tiny thing to spare their pain, or lighten their load, you would do it. I'm not the kindest, most perfect human being there is, but I'm trying to practice compassion every day, because I want my children to learn from me, to see it from me, just as I saw it from my mother.

It gave me a better perspective. Since motherhood, I have learned to let go of my hang ups a little. The things that I thought were important then, are not really that important now. I have learned to look at the big picture, while appreciating the little things. I have learned to let go of "the plan" and how I thought my life would be when I reach a certain age. Instead, I am just grateful for every day that I get to wake up and be with my husband and kids. I wake up not knowing how much money I have on my wallet, but still being at my happiest. All that matters to me are the smiles on my children's faces. As long as my family is safe, happy and healthy, everything else will be fine.

It gave me strength. The moment we give birth, we get asked the question, "How did you do it?" or people tell us,  "I don't know how you do it." Carrying a human being in our wombs for nine months; breastfeeding our children post-surgery, dealing with postpartum depression, leaving our children to go back to work. We all try to dismiss it like it's "no big deal," but it is.

 Last year, I found myself crying at the doctor's office when the surgeon told me that my then one-month old son had to undergo surgery for his hernia. My heart was broken into a million pieces, but still I was able to “woman up” and make the decision to go through with the surgery. Barely two months after, it was my turn to have a surgery for my gallbladder. Two days after a laparoscopy and some internal bleeding, I was able to breastfeed my baby boy, and carry him too.

WE are strong. Sometimes because we have no other option, but we have been given the unbelievable strength to keep pushing and keep fighting for our families.

It gave me courage. "Would you die for someone you truly love?" Before, it would take me hours or even days to answer this question. I'd say yes, if it was a member of my family. Even that would have me really contemplating long and hard before I can answer. But now, if I was asked this question pertaining to my children, I know the answer. Yes. In a heartbeat, I would. Because mothers are not really afraid of dying. We're afraid that when we're gone, no one would love our children like we can.

It gave me wisdom. The experience of motherhood is the best teacher. Never have I been so eager to learn until now. I learn from my fellow mothers, from my own mother, and from my children every day. 

It gave me faith. Becoming a mother made me realize that even if you have done your best, gave your all, cried every tear, some things are still left uncertain. We cannot control everything. And on those days, I know that only my faith can save me. I know that there's a greater being who knows everything. Who knows what’s best for me, and who loves my children more than I can ever hope to love them.

It gave me hope. This is why we do all these things, make sacrifices for our children. To make sure that they would be strong, compassionate human beings in the future. If we fill our children with love, security and encouragement while they are young, can you imagine how they would be as adults? I'm sure the world would be a much better place.

It gave me love. Or should I say more love?  It gave me so much love than I could ever ask for. 

None of my children had "Mama" as their first word. But it's the word they use most often in a day. They call my name not just because they need me, but also because they want me around. They want to show me their accomplishments. They value what I think and how I feel. Those unlimited hugs and kisses they shower me with? It's like a taste of heaven. And to be able to give and receive unconditional love every day, it’s like God gave me a glimpse of how it feels to be Him. 

Sometimes motherhood comes to us as a surprise, and despite our best efforts to prepare for it or "keep up" with it, it always catches us off-hand. Like we got thrown into the deep sea and we just have to keep paddling and try to survive. So we don't always have the time to reflect and contemplate on what motherhood has made of us as individuals. The kind of person we have become. How it has enriched our lives.

Yes, there were times when I felt that I lost parts of myself when I became a mother. But looking back on everything I have gained, I can say that it’s all worth it. 

 I'm so grateful for this gift. God has blessed me so much when he made me Mom. I give back all glory and honor to Him for that. And the only way I can ever repay Him for this beautiful gift is by being a gift myself. To my children, my loved ones and other people as well.

Happy Mother’s Day! 

My child, not all of your battles are my own

As I lie awake in bed in the wee hours of morning, I looked at you.

I realized you were dreaming as your face suddenly changed and you looked like you were struggling. I held your hand and tried to shush you, and your face turned calmer again. 

That happens to your sister or your brother too, sometimes. I do the same thing and it seemed like everything gets a little better when I hold their hand or embrace them tightly. 

But you’re still asleep. Still in your dream, I suppose? I let you sleep. I couldn’t wake you guys up every time I think you’re having a bad dream. Of course it would be different if it’s a full-on nightmare or you’re having trouble breathing, and I’m counting on my maternal instincts to alert me when that happens. 

As I watch you sleep or dream, I realize, that’s your journey. You have to be the one to course through it. When the room is so quiet and nobody requires my attention, I realize that not all of your battles are my own. You do not exist in this world to just be an extension of me. You are your own person. 

It may seem like we’re so connected that it’s unthinkable for you to be separated from me. But one day, it will happen. It’s so easy to say I’ll be with you every step of the way, and I’ll make good on that promise the best way I can, but I’m not with you every day. I’m not with you in school. Heck, you’re only away from me for a couple of hours, but it’s preschool, and I don’t know every detail that happens to you during that time. When you’re playing and you encounter these problems in your head, I can’t think for you. 

A few days ago, your sister wanted me to tell off her playmate who was being disagreeable. I told her I can’t do that. When you encounter bullies or pushy classmates, I won’t always be there to ward them off you. 

I realize, that even though my day revolves around you, my children, yours will not revolve around me forever. I am not omnipresent (in a few years, you will know that word and realize there’s only one being in the world that is). You have to be alone in your thoughts. You have your own battle, your own journey. 

But fear not, my child, because I know what my mission now is. It is not to fight your battles for you, or remove every hurdle in your journey. My mission is to prepare you. 

That’s what parenting is all about. It’s not about doing everything for you, although there are days when I complain that I do. It’s about making sure that your mind, body and spirit is whole and healthy for you to be able to survive and thrive in whatever lies ahead of you.

It’s about coursing through these parenting books and mommy groups, looking for ways to best nourish you, encourage you, discipline you. Inspire you. It’s being kind and gentle while I try not to lose my cool as I give you this healthy snack yet you say you prefer to eat chocolate mallows instead. It’s fighting with you to take your vitamins when I’m so tempted to just ditch it to avoid drama. It’s letting you take your time with your homework and do it independently when we can be done in a snap if I just tell you the answers. It’s making you clean up your toy area when I can do it by myself in less than 15 minutes (yes, I timed it). It’s hearing you scream and shout as the nurses prick your hands with a needle to give you medicine to make you better, when I would give both my arms and legs to them if it would save you from all the hurt and the pain. 

Just so you know, your father and I would fight tooth and nail for you (that means very hard and fierce, sweetheart), and protect you kids as much as we can. It would actually be easier if everything was on us. It would save me a lot more time if I do everything for you. But parenting is a lot more complicated than that. 

We have to do our mission the right way, if we want to equip you with the right tools and weapons you need: honesty, resourcefulness, patience, resiliency, compassion and hope. 

The hours we will spend apart will be longer as you grow older, and there will be times you might be anxious about what lies ahead. But don’t worry. We will not set you off empty-handed. You’re a strong and brave kid. You got this, baby. 

But for now, you sleep. Go on silly adventures in your wonderland where you wake up with a smile on your face, asking for a donut. Fight the bad guys in your dream. When it gets too tough, my hand is  there to hold you to remind you that I am not too far behind. 

Mommy will be sleeping too, for training you is not an easy feat. After all, I am just another person with my own journey and challenges to overcome, while also helping you navigate your way into the world. So let us rest and recuperate, my darling, for tomorrow, your journey, and my mission continues. 

Mommy Cams Project: Our DIY Doll house

Every now and then, I try to unleash my creative/crafty side with my kids. Last year, it was with Halloween costumes and Christmas presents for their friends. Although admittedly, I try not to do a lot of DIY stuff since I'd like to keep the mess to the minimum (as minimum as possible with three kids in tow). But this has got to be my biggest DIY project as a mom so far.

It all started when I saw a doll house online that my girls really wanted. For a brief moment, I tried to justify to myself why we should get it for them, but decided against it for three main reasons: First, it was super expensive! Even if I combine all the gift-giving holidays for this year and the coming year (their birthdays and Christmas), it's still not enough to convince myself that buying a $200 doll house was a good deal. Second, I don't feel like I can commit to having a three-foot toy inside our already cramped play area. It will take up too much space. Finally, what will my kids learn from getting a really expensive doll house, aside from realizing how entitled they are and that they can get anything they want without really working hard for it?

So I suggested that instead of buying, we can create our very own doll house (but like any clever mom, I made it seem like it was their idea) that was even nicer than the one we saw online because we could design it. They agreed that it was a good idea. My eldest was so happy about it, she wanted to start working on it right away!

We (I) decided to make the doll house out of old shoe boxes. I know a wooden one would've been more sturdy, but given my carpentry skills (or lack thereof), it would be so hard to do it without any help, and I honestly didn't want help on this one. I knew that I can only work on it during my free time, so having to rely on someone else to do the "wood works" would mean I have to consider someone else's time too. And again with the issue on storage space. I wanted something lightweight for the girls to carry, and something they can stack up when it's time to pack away.

The doll house was a real mother-daughter project. Nash was in-charge of looking for materials (she found all the shoe boxes), mostly stuff that we already had around the house. I also asked for her inputs with the design (the wallpapers to use, the beds, and the color scheme). She also reminded me every day to work on the project, while I did most of the "legwork." I enjoyed it though. It's been a while since I did something creative, and I liked the feeling of taking something so basic and watching it transform into something that resembled a real miniature home. Kawaii mostly watched us work and was constantly asking if it was already done, so she can start playing with it.

The project took a little over three weeks to be fully completed. Aside from the fact that I only worked on it when the baby is asleep or somebody else is holding him, or when I'm not working, I also had a lot of other side projects (Nash's small birthday parties, which also involved a lot of DIY-ing), made a lot of changes and kept on adding to the furniture. There were times when I felt like abandoning the project and just throwing all the boxes away, and giving in to a store-bought doll house. But I remembered that my daughters were also involved in it and I wanted them to see the glory of finishing something and seeing it through no matter how difficult it is. So I went on to do it, one furniture, one old box at a time.

So after a lot of time spent on Pinterest looking for inspiration, googling wallpapers and vectors, after a handful of printouts and stickers and several minor injuries (from using the glue gun) later, we were finally done with the doll house.

Okay, so it's not perfect. Some may even say it looks like an elementary school project. It's not as sophisticated or sturdy, and it's nothing compared to the rustic miniature houses you see on Pinterest, but it's fine the way it is.

How much did I spend on this project? Practically nothing. All the items we used were mostly things that were just lying around the house. Old shoe boxes, jewelry boxes, bottle caps, lids, scraps of cloth, and a lot of art materials that we already had. Probably the only expensive things in this project were the shoes that used to be in those boxes. I considered buying miniature furniture online, but having a minimal budget really had me stretching out my creativity.

So without further ado, let me give you a tour of the rooms in our DIY doll house.

Our chic living room. Thanks to Pinterest for the backgrounds. The chairs were made from old jewelry boxes, and used the pillows inside the jewelry boxes as well. Stools were made from plastic toy containers that I finally found some use for (I used to just throw them out).

Neon QT's neon kitchen. The inside of the box was already yellow, so I figured I should make the other furniture colorful too. Most of the cabinets were made from medicine boxes. We used some of the kids' old toys here as well. The sink was the container of the barbecue sauce from McDonald's, and the fridge (one of my favorite creations and one of the last one I made because I kept changing my mind about it) was made from a used lid of baby wipes. I had the lid for a long time already, knowing that I would be able to use it for something in the future.

The bedroom. Nash wanted bunk beds, and it turned out to be such a space saver. I had more room to put in a crib for the little sisters. It was my first time to make furniture out of popsicle sticks, so don't judge. I'm also quite proud of what I did on the mattresses and pillows (made from old scraps of cloth)

The owner wanted a gold bathroom, so here it is. I couldn't get a nice gold wallpaper printout for the tiles, so I just played with the other details. Our golden bathtub is an old soap dish, golden shampoo and bottle caps for the sink and mirror, and glittered foam paper. The toilet bowl, which I made using an old medicine box and the lid of a milk carton, is my favorite creation of all.  Cue Gwen Stefani's "Luxurious."

I loved playing with the details of this dressing room, making it look as girly and stylish as possible. I knew I needed to make a closet (with paper clips for hangers) for the clothes and a nice shelf to store all of the dolls' shoes (although they're nowhere to be found at the time of the pictorial so I just had a few on display). Also check out the vanity mirror and the black and white frames on the wall, with quotes from my favorite style icons and fashion designers. My daughter wants to be a fashion designer in the future so I knew I had to make this room extra fun for her to dress up her dolls in.

Bonus: a patio where the dolls can hang out and have some barbecue. We also made the table using popsicle sticks, and the picnic chairs from a container of some Japanese cookies we bought recently. We were eating out one time and their dessert had this umbrella in it, the girls decided to keep it so they can use it for the doll house. 

 

For a video tour of the dollhouse, check out my Facebook page, Mommy Cams to Write or my Instagram Stories as Camslab.

There are still a lot of things that I want to add (like I promised the girls some stairs and a swimming pool), but I figured I should let go and stop working on it (for now) so that the girls can start playing with it. That's the whole point of making it in the first place, so that they can have fun with it and their dolls.


I know there are some disadvantages to making a doll house out of shoe boxes. It's not sturdy enough for a lot of kids to play with. But even though I complain about them being rough and uncoordinated sometimes, my girls are actually very gentle with their toys. And they always tell me when they destroy or break something, so I can fix it immediately. So I think we'll be okay. 

Also, I have to admit, working on that project took a lot of my time. Like I skipped work for a few nights so that I could finally finish the doll house. Which is why it's important to set a deadline for a project like this. So that I could finally let go, decide that I'm done with it and focus on something else.

But I don't regret any time that I spent making it. Everything was worthwhile. I loved the look on my daughters' faces when they see something new on the doll house when they check on it every morning. And how they called it their doll house. Their mom made them a doll house. From scratch.

And when the time comes that they've grown tired of playing with it, or in the (hopefully not so near) future when they break it, whichever comes first, I hope my girls will remember an important lesson on creativity - that you can do anything as long as you work hard and use your imagination. And the value of being resourceful. Think twice before throwing something out. Most of the stuff you need are just within your reach.  Most importantly, I hope they remember all the fun we had making it together.

That said, I'm taking a break from all DIY projects for Halloween... Okay, maybe just a little customizing, but I already bought the costumes.  But I'm already excited for our next project lined up - Christmas gifts!

I want my kids to explore the outdoors, but I’m afraid (part 1 of 2)

When I first started dreaming of having kids with my husband, I pictured little boys and girls with insurmountable energy. Their skin tanned and their hair smelled of the sun and sweat as a result of our weekend road trips to the beach where they are so used to the water, “playing any sport imaginable,” as their Tatay would always say. 

Fast forward to five years later, I’ve got (a little boy and) two staycation queens who can stay glued to their gadgets, watching videos on YouTube for hours. They rarely play outside, which I think is the trend among middle class families here in the metro. They get quite fussy on car trips that last more than 30 minutes, (or over 3 miles) saying that it’s “quite far” and prefer to stay at home. 

While the thought that they’ve gotten so used to staying in hotels amuses me (they know the drill so well, they want to be hoteliers in the future), and I’m not even going to pretend that gadgets are 100% the enemy, but I just feel that they are not having the full life that they deserve. 

Don’t get me wrong, this post is not about me setting unrealistic expectations for my children. And my kids are not deprived. They are creative, imaginative and fun-loving girls. I just think they should be out there doing what they want, not watching it on the screen. Not to mention that being on the outdoors will help a lot in their health and well-being, and social skills as well. 

So what’s stopping my children from being the sporty, outdoorsy, natural athletes? The truth? It’s me. 

Yes, budget is a factor, but it’s not so much finances, as I believe money will always come. And we really want to invest on giving our kids happy memories and experiences more than material things. 

Also admittedly, making time and making an effort to go out can be an issue. Moms know how much planning and packing it entails for just a day tour out of the city. Getting the kids ready to leave the house is a whole production in and of itself. Yet, if there’s somebody who can get a seemingly impossible task done, it’s us moms. 

So what really keeps me from saying yes? Fear. 

So I try as much as possible to keep them indoors. As my way of protecting them and keeping them safe.  But lately I realized, the element of danger is always there. It can be  at the beach, in a faraway province, inside a mall, in our own villages, in our own homes, even. For no matter how I try to babyproof/toddler proof at home, most of my kids’ accidents happened inside the house. 

Yes, I’m afraid that something might happen to my kids. Their safety and well-being is of the highest importance to me. But should I let my fear stop me from letting my kids experience the joy of being outdoors? Of trying new things and finding out they can excel in that? I don’t want them growing up living in fear, afraid to try new things because I told them it’s dangerous. 

I remember when our parents got us rollerblades. Our grandmother wasn’t happy with it because we might get into an accident using them. Somehow, she was right. We crashed and fell, got bruises and skinned our knees, but boy, we felt so happy cruising on our street, testing our balancing skills in those rollerblades. 

I think I was 12 years old when I first learned to commute on my own. But I wasn’t that scared, because I have been riding on jeepneys and tricycles for as long as I can remember. I realized later on that commuting wasn’t much fun, but I’d like to think it gave me some street smarts to balance my book smart.

So maybe the fear will always be there. It’s basic human instinct that helps us identify threats and push us to survive. But I realized that I have to take the reins and control that fear and be a little brave, so my children can live a fuller life. 

You know that meme about parents telling their kids, “You can do anything.” Then as soon as they see their kids do something that might get them in trouble, they go, “Don’t do that!” That’s me most of the time. But I don’t want to be that mom for long. 

I want them to learn to surf, to dive, to climb trees and mountains, to explore caves, to own a pet, excel in a sport, join a team, feel a passion for Mother Nature, things that I wasn’t able to do. But for them to do that, first I need to let go of some of the fear, so that I can hold their hand as I guide them towards the path of adventure. 

(Cue musical scoring from Disney Pixar’s Up. Haha)

I know, easier said (or written) than done. So on my next post, I will write about some ways for me and other parents to let go of the fear and be an enabler for their kids to explore “what’s out there.” If you have any tips for me, please feel free to leave a comment or write to me at mommycamstowrite@gmail.com

The inconvenient truth about being a stay-at-home mom

So here I am again.  A sleep-deprived, exhausted, but still happy, now mom of three. 

I thought that because I am on maternity leave (that I imposed on myself as a work at home mom), I would have a lot of time to write and blog. But who was I kidding? 

Because now, my day revolves around (in no particular order) breastfeeding baby number three, waking up in the middle of the night to do nappy change, taking care of the girls,  making sure they are bathed or at least fed, getting them ready for their summer activities (which I thought would give me more free time but no), restoring order to our space several times a day, and helping my post-partum body recover (have I told you that giving birth to my son literally had me “shookt?” I’ll write about my birthing story another time).

So my hands are always full. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t get any support. I’m blessed to have a husband who doesn’t complain when I wake him up during the wee hours to change our newborn’s diaper. And our families have been great. We have an awesome support system who cooks for us and looks after the girls as much as they can. But I guess being Mama Bear means wanting to do most, if not everything for them. 

Photo by Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash

One of my friends asked me how I was doing being a stay at home mother of three. Of course, I opted to answer in a humorous fashion. I don’t know, but there’s something funny about a mom who's all over the place. That’s why movies like Bad Moms were such a hit. I also thought about doing a vlog with the use of Instagram Stories to show what I do the whole day, but I reckoned no one would want to watch a video of me in my pjs, with breastmilk leaking on my shirt while endlessly yelling at my kids to fix their toys or stop jumping on the couch. But I couldn't bear to tell my friend, a new mom, the whole truth.

So here's the truth. Or rather, some truths. 

The truth is being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting. Looking after each child with different needs, and having an endless list of things to do around the house can wear a momma out.  You may see that I do a lot of sitting, but not without an infant in my arms, latching endlessly on my breasts. And whenever I put him down, I squeeze in a chance to check on his Ates, fix their hair and cater to their needs until the baby demands my undivided attention again.  

From the moment I wake up, my mind is already preoccupied. Even when I'm physically tending to one kid, I'm thinking of the other two ...

Because another ugly truth is that it makes me feel guilty. Guilty that I'm neglecting at least one of my children. I've snapped at my eldest a few times for not being able to do things on her own. It makes me feel bad that I can't always attend to her, so I'm rushing her to become more independent. I'm guilty of using the iPad to entertain my girls when I can't play with them because their brother needs me. I'm also guilty of being so easily agitated. At times I snap at my husband for, can you believe it, sleeping. Even though I know he has to go to work in the morning and is doing his best to (stay awake and) help out.

But despite being sleep-deprived, exhausted and an emotional mess, the inconvenient truth about being a stay-at-home mom is that I wouldn't trade this job for anything else. 

An excerpt from Bunmi Laditan's Confessions of a Domestic Failure.

Taking care of a newborn, a potty training toddler, and a sensitive preschooler all at the same time is hard. All the mess, the breastfeeding struggles and never ending to-do list can drain all your energy, and you're already running on a few hours of sleep. It's overwhelming, but the truth is I've never felt more productive.

And to be so present in this specific time of their lives; breastfeeding my baby in the wee hours of the night, knowing that he won't need me as much as he does now. Listening to my three-year old make up songs and entertain me with her natural sense of humor, and engaging in more meaningful conversations with my firstborn, watching her own unique personality unfold right before my eyes. These are priceless moments I want all to myself.

I think this is what my older mom friends mean when they tell me to enjoy this time when my children are still young. When their world revolve around me, and my life around them. Borrowing the words of author Bunmi Laditan who wrote the amusing novel Confessions of a Domestic Failure, when I'm with them, I feel smothered. And when I'm not with them, I feel incomplete. Like a piece of me is missing. 

That's the truth. As stay-at-home moms, we complain about how hard our life is. But when people around us say, "If you hate it so much, why don't you get a job?" We say no. Because nobody can do this job (being our kids' mother) better than us, and really, the ultimate reason is just that we love what we do. 

So cheers to us, stay-at-home moms! 

P.S. Another truth is that the distinction among mothers (working moms, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms) is only physical. Because in our hearts, we all just want the same thing- what's best for our children. And that makes us all amazing. Happy Mothers' Day to us!

My Big 3