What I learned from bringing my daughter to play school aka the "I don't want to be that mother" post (Part 3 -last na!)

(For the first two parts of my post, look at the archives on the right side of the screen.)

The third lesson that I have learned from bringing my daughter to summer school had little to do with her and more with me.

During those first few days in Nash's school, aside from observing the students and teachers at the preschool, I was also, unconsciously, noticing the other parents who would bring their kids to school, and those who would inquire. 

I guess it's human nature to look at another person and make conclusions about them based on what you see on the outside. Most of the parents that I saw were a little advanced in age, maybe a couple was about my age and just one dad younger than me. From how they looked and how they talked to the teachers there, it was easy to fall into the trap of classifying them according to the "5 (or 6 or 8, depending on what blog you read) Types of Parents You Meet at Preschool" and see how you measure up to them or against them. That was me on the first few days at summer school, and the moment I realized I was doing it, I hurriedly snapped myself out of it. I didn't want to be that mother. The kind who has some imaginary scale or standard she uses to compare herself with other mothers.  

It was not on the social scale that I was sizing myself up against them (although I was a little intimidated at the start, I'll tell you that) but on the amount of involvement with our kids. I've always thought of myself as a hands-on mom, so when a mother drops off her kid to the school without even a wave goodbye, and picks him up late, I jump to conclusion that she's the "only looking for a babysitter" type.

I also think, given that most of them are professionals (or retired or businessmen) and I'm a stay-at-home mom with a home-based sideline, what do I have to offer them? That's what I meant by sizing myself up to them. Does what I do reflect on what kind of parent I am to my daughter? Would they want their kids to be friends with mine?

But from days of hanging out at the preschool and chatting with the other moms and the headmistress there, I learned that those stereotypes mean nothing. The only standard of being a good mom in preschool is being open to the changes that your child will experience and being willing to embrace that and share what you have learned with other parents. I realized that I didn't have to measure up to the other moms or dads in preschool. There is no definite description of a good mother that I have to fit into. The only mother that I have to be is the kind that my child needs.

The beauty of preschool for kids is that they have no prejudices. They don't care about stature. They don't care what the other kid is wearing, they don't care what their classmates' parents do for a living, or where they live or what their cars are, they just play and take in everything that they can learn. 

I decided to adopt the same outlook. I am still new to this "parenting a preschooler" thing anyway.  While I won't be spending too much time getting other parents to like me, I can promise that I'll keep in mind that we're all (or at least most of us are) newbies here.  So I'll be more forgiving if their kid accidentally knocks my little girl down on the floor, and not judge them if their three-year old is not as articulate as mine, just like they won't judge me when they see my daughter having a meltdown when she hears loud music. Just as our kids are still learning, so are we.  

It's been weeks since summer school ended and Nash is now officially  a preschooler.  There are still off days where I have to drag her out of the car to go inside her classroom, but I'm learning to take it in stride and not stress too much about it. Because there are also priceless moments when I see my daughter sharing a laugh with her new friends, learning to share and becoming braver and more confident each day. 

As for this Mommy, I have managed to make one mommy friend in my daughter's preschool. She is a few years older than me but we hit it off instantly. Our kids didn't end up being classmates but we would still chat when we see each other in the corridors or at the playground. She was even kind enough to send me some fresh Oregano leaves from her garden when she learned that I had a bad cold. I am on smiling terms with some of the parents who pick up their children from school, and some try to avoid eye contact and that's fine. Maybe she has a lot on her mind, or she's shy like me.

There are so many articles on the web about preparing your child for preschool. I read none of them before Nash started school, although I wish I did.  It is a huge adjustment, especially for me and my daughter who are joined at the hip. But I can't wait for my little girl to discover this new world. I'll be with her every step of the way, that's for sure.

Thanks for reading this three-part post. I hope you picked up something and I hope your little ones settles into school quickly. Have a great school year, fellow parents!