Being mothers parents, we just want to shield our children from all the bad things in this world; sickness, accidents, crazy people. We want to protect them as much as possible, but we can't all the time. Difficult and horrible things happen, even to kids, and it's the ultimate test for us parents. Our best and worst traits come out. They say you never know crisis until you become a parent. That's true.
I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to my kids' well-being, I don't do well with pressure. When my eldest daughter gets sick, or my feisty baby girl had a bad fall, I turn into a big ball of crazy. Of course, I try to be as calm and level-headed on the outside, but on the inside, it's a whole different story. Anyway, in my years of experience of dealing with traumatic incidents such as these, I can't help but see a pattern on how I approach these stressful incidents as a parent. Well, at least these are the five stages that go on in my head when something unfortunate happens to one of my kids:
(I'm no expert, so these are by no means scientific. This is just a mother "thinking out loud." Just humor me.)
1. Panic
"Oh my gosh, what happened? (runs to get help from husband or another adult in the area) Look at that big bump on her forehead! What do I do? Are you okay, sweetheart? Should we go to the ER? Should I call the doctor? Do I just get ice for the concussion? What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!?!"
"What's painful, anak? Are you okay? Do you want to drink some medicine? Do you want to go to the doctor? Do you want to make suka (throw up)? Which part of your tummy is painful? This one? This one? Anak, are you sure you're okay?!"
2. Denial
"Oh, it's just a little boo-boo, it's nothing. The fall wasn't that bad. I can barely see the lump on her forehead."
"Lagnat-laki lang yan." "Baka nag-ngingipin lang." "Kulang sa tulog/tubig."
3. Bargaining
"Lord, if we get through this, if you heal her, I will never, EVER take my eyes off my daughter again. And she is never to play near the stairs for the rest of her life. "
"Kung pwede lang ilipat sa'kin yung sakit mo anak, okay lang talaga. Lord, kahit magkaroon na ko ng pinakanakakadiring sakit sa buong mundo, kakayanin ko basta gumaling lang po yung anak ko."
4. Paranoia
"Her fever was gone a few hours ago. Now it's spiking up again. 37.6 ... 37.9 ... 38.3 ... 38.6 ... Oh Lord, please make it stop there ... Maybe we should take her to the emergency room. I read on Google that if fever reaches 39.1 then it means we should bring her to the doctor."
"Was her head always shaped like that? Or was it because of the fall?"
and Anger (usually towards my kid)
"Kawaii! How many times do I have to tell you? NO PLAYING ON THE STAIRS!!! Pag nahulog ka dyan, papaluin kita (kawawang bata)."
"Nash, don't go anywhere without Mommy or Tatay or Lola. Sige ka, if somebody gets you, you'll never see me again!"
5. Doubt
"Why did I ever think I could pull this off? Lord, why did you make me a mother? I'm clearly not fit to be one. I'm a mess and my beautiful girls don't deserve a terrible parent like me."
6. Acceptance and Faith
I initially called this last stage "surrender," but I realized it sounds quite defeatist and if you're a parent, giving up is not an option.
It's a crazy world we live in. There are so many external factors that fill us with worry as parents. Lately, what keeps me up at night is thinking about "The Big One" and the news about kids getting abducted in malls and villages. What was supposed to be a leisurely trip to the mall can instantly turn into one filled with anxiety when I think about those two things. As if just worrying about my kids' health and keeping them from accidents isn't enough to keep me on my toes. And however tempting it may be to just put them in a little bubble to shield them from getting hurt, our children need to explore for them to learn. It's part of life.
With all these thoughts going inside my head (and I have to admit, I have a tendency to overthink), I know that at the end of another tiresome day, there are only two things that keep me sane and keeps me from giving up. My love for my family and my faith.
Let me share to you my personal prayer, a prayer that calms me:
Lord, I humbly lift up my child to you. Any pain or sickness that she is having. I know that you are a God of healing, a God of purpose. I know that You love her more than I can ever grasp, and I know you want what's best for her as you have always wanted what is best for me. You know the desires of my heart. I know that you will not give me anything I can't handle. Thank you for believing that I am capable of being a good mother. Thank you for giving me a great partner in my husband and for surrounding me with people who help me take care of my children.
Lord, please protect my daughters always. Send forth your guardian angels to watch over them in everything that they do, everywhere they go. I claim that they will be healed, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Can anybody relate? Would love to know in the comments section :) Stand firm in the faith, sisters and brothers!
I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to my kids' well-being, I don't do well with pressure. When my eldest daughter gets sick, or my feisty baby girl had a bad fall, I turn into a big ball of crazy. Of course, I try to be as calm and level-headed on the outside, but on the inside, it's a whole different story. Anyway, in my years of experience of dealing with traumatic incidents such as these, I can't help but see a pattern on how I approach these stressful incidents as a parent. Well, at least these are the five stages that go on in my head when something unfortunate happens to one of my kids:
(I'm no expert, so these are by no means scientific. This is just a mother "thinking out loud." Just humor me.)
1. Panic
"Oh my gosh, what happened? (runs to get help from husband or another adult in the area) Look at that big bump on her forehead! What do I do? Are you okay, sweetheart? Should we go to the ER? Should I call the doctor? Do I just get ice for the concussion? What do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!?!"
"What's painful, anak? Are you okay? Do you want to drink some medicine? Do you want to go to the doctor? Do you want to make suka (throw up)? Which part of your tummy is painful? This one? This one? Anak, are you sure you're okay?!"
2. Denial
"Oh, it's just a little boo-boo, it's nothing. The fall wasn't that bad. I can barely see the lump on her forehead."
"Lagnat-laki lang yan." "Baka nag-ngingipin lang." "Kulang sa tulog/tubig."
3. Bargaining
"Lord, if we get through this, if you heal her, I will never, EVER take my eyes off my daughter again. And she is never to play near the stairs for the rest of her life. "
"Kung pwede lang ilipat sa'kin yung sakit mo anak, okay lang talaga. Lord, kahit magkaroon na ko ng pinakanakakadiring sakit sa buong mundo, kakayanin ko basta gumaling lang po yung anak ko."
4. Paranoia
"Her fever was gone a few hours ago. Now it's spiking up again. 37.6 ... 37.9 ... 38.3 ... 38.6 ... Oh Lord, please make it stop there ... Maybe we should take her to the emergency room. I read on Google that if fever reaches 39.1 then it means we should bring her to the doctor."
"Was her head always shaped like that? Or was it because of the fall?"
and Anger (usually towards my kid)
"Kawaii! How many times do I have to tell you? NO PLAYING ON THE STAIRS!!! Pag nahulog ka dyan, papaluin kita (kawawang bata)."
"Nash, don't go anywhere without Mommy or Tatay or Lola. Sige ka, if somebody gets you, you'll never see me again!"
5. Doubt
"Why did I ever think I could pull this off? Lord, why did you make me a mother? I'm clearly not fit to be one. I'm a mess and my beautiful girls don't deserve a terrible parent like me."
6. Acceptance and Faith
I initially called this last stage "surrender," but I realized it sounds quite defeatist and if you're a parent, giving up is not an option.
It's a crazy world we live in. There are so many external factors that fill us with worry as parents. Lately, what keeps me up at night is thinking about "The Big One" and the news about kids getting abducted in malls and villages. What was supposed to be a leisurely trip to the mall can instantly turn into one filled with anxiety when I think about those two things. As if just worrying about my kids' health and keeping them from accidents isn't enough to keep me on my toes. And however tempting it may be to just put them in a little bubble to shield them from getting hurt, our children need to explore for them to learn. It's part of life.
With all these thoughts going inside my head (and I have to admit, I have a tendency to overthink), I know that at the end of another tiresome day, there are only two things that keep me sane and keeps me from giving up. My love for my family and my faith.
Let me share to you my personal prayer, a prayer that calms me:
Lord, I humbly lift up my child to you. Any pain or sickness that she is having. I know that you are a God of healing, a God of purpose. I know that You love her more than I can ever grasp, and I know you want what's best for her as you have always wanted what is best for me. You know the desires of my heart. I know that you will not give me anything I can't handle. Thank you for believing that I am capable of being a good mother. Thank you for giving me a great partner in my husband and for surrounding me with people who help me take care of my children.
Lord, please protect my daughters always. Send forth your guardian angels to watch over them in everything that they do, everywhere they go. I claim that they will be healed, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Can anybody relate? Would love to know in the comments section :) Stand firm in the faith, sisters and brothers!
(photo taken from Pinterest)
