Motherhood Without Filters: The Truth About My Kids' OOTD

Hey fellow moms! Inspired by the latest novel that I read, My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella, I am starting a series of blog posts called Motherhood Without Filters. It's just me sharing my raw and authentic take on some parts of being a mom that are usually being augmented in social media.

Dressing up kids, especially girls, is exciting. 

I've been through several phases of it ever since my first daughter was born. There was a phase of only buying gender-neutral colored onesies, then there was the think pink season, to all dresses to no dresses (now).

Because we have been blessed to get clothes as gifts to the girls, and we get an endless supply of hand-me-downs from relatives, we rarely buy clothes for the two. But buying is just half the battle. From the moment Nash learned to choose her clothes, there has been a constant power struggle between us.

It usually starts out with me having an outfit planned out for her to wear, but it always ends up with her choosing what clothes to put on. With Kawaii, it's still easy because she's only two years old. 

On the rare occasion that they actually like to pose. Quick story on this photo, their jackets are also hand me downs from their boy cousins in the US. They lent us these coats because it was too cold for the girls. Now it looks like the girls wore something edgy on purpose.

On the slim chance that I get to pick, here are two rules that I adhere to in dressing my kids up:

1. They should always be comfortable. My daughters are not fans of the phrase "tiis-ganda." Even if they would look smashing in it, they are not to wear those frilly dresses or cute denim jumpers on a humid day,  and we eventually cut all the tags inside our kids clothes because it makes them feel itchy.

2. Dress them up as kids. My brother once told me, "Wag mo pagsuotin si Nash ng mga pang-dalaga na. (Don't dress Nash up like a teenager)" It's actually sensible advice. When she's all grown up, she's free to experiment on trends, but right now, she'll dress up as a little princess - if she wants to. She can be as playful and as colorful as she wants with her outfits. I don't want her looking like a miniature adult in earth tones just so she would look hip, and people would think I'm a cool mom.

So this is what they usually wear, aka their OOTD on a regular basis:

• Pastel-colored sando tops from Divisoria (3 for 100, if I'm not mistaken). Breezy enough to be worn at home, or can be dressed up with pants, shorts or a tutu skirt.   
  
•   My kids have taken to their father in the sense that the most expensive item in their wardrobe is their footwear. Since we hardly buy any clothes for the girls, we buy them nice comfortable shoes. Nash loves her Mini Mels (I buy from Applesandpopcorn on Instagram) so I get her one or two pairs and she uses it for the whole year, and their Lola also buys them Crocs for everyday wear. Lately, she's been pairing it with everything. Good quality shoes are a worthy investment for us, since Kawaii can wear the shoes when her big sister outgrows it.
• Garterized dresses. My mom buys these cute little dresses for the girls from Divi or a bazaar stall in SM. She gets it for 50 to 100 pesos and it comes in different designs. Kawaii looks like a doll when she wears them. Nash isn't too keen about wearing dresses lately so she pairs her tops with shorts or leggings, also from the same supplier. 
  
• Character shirts. My Little Pony, Trolls and a whole lot of Frozen (shirts, leggings, hoodies!). Because, why not? Just let them be kids. 
• Hand-me-downs. We're lucky our relatives have such a good eye for fashion ;) I happily wore hand me downs from my aunts when I was a kid, until I turned 12 and grew taller than all of them and my feet was bigger than theirs. I let my girls wear pre-loved clothes for the reason that kids grow up so quickly and at the rate they're going, my girls will probably be like me.

Twinning is always cute. Wearing pretty preloved clothes from their aunts.

I must admit, I still consider myself a fashion mom. I have a Pinterest board named "My Girl's Lookbook," where I keep track of nice dresses, shirts with catchy phrases (I'm a sucker for those) and outfits that I fancy for my daughters. I also follow some moms on Instagram who sell cute outfits for kids. I actually admire those women who have turned their penchant for their children's fashion into a profitable business.

But as with everything, I think of the message that I'm sending to my girls. Do I imply that they need to dress a certain way for them to be liked and accepted? That we give much emphasis on their looks and outer appearance? At the same time, I don't want them to think that they can get away with being sloppy and messy and not taking care of their bodies. 

As a mom, my goal is not for my daughters to land a spot in a "10 Kids Who Dress Better Than You" spread. I'd like to think I still have the advantage, what with dressing myself up for the past 30 years and knowing that plain tops go with printed bottoms and vice versa, at least for five more years. 

My goal is to teach my kids to express themselves through their clothing. And that they should always be comfortable in what they wear.  

I used to put too much pressure on my daughter to wear the clothes I laid out for her, especially on special occasions, but now I learned to give in and accept when she resists my choices. I also learned to respect them when they refuse to pose for a decent #OOTD shot (picking my battles, they call it).

But, as nicely summarized by an essay from blogger Lauren Jimeson, "What My Kids Wear (or Don't Wear) Is None of Your Business." Just keep in mind that we want our kids' clothes to reflect who they are, not who we are, or how we want other people to see us. 

 

Motherhood Without Filters: What My Kids Did Last Summer

Hey fellow moms! Inspired by the latest novel that I read, My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella, I am starting a series of blog posts called Motherhood Without Filters. It's just me sharing my raw and authentic take on some parts of being a mom that are usually being augmented in social media. 

What did your kids do last summer? (Or what are your kids doing this summer?)

That's a question that moms like to ask each other in play groups or a social setting.  It's as if we're all expected to have some sort of epic plan for our kids for the vacation season to be considered good parents.

Looking at my Facebook and Instagram feeds, I noticed that two things monopolize moms' social media posts during this period - a summer getaway (in Pinoy speak, outing) and enrolling in summer workshops. It's like these two belong to an imaginary checklist that moms subject themselves to, to prove that their kids had a productive time away from school. 

Let's talk about the summer getaways. I think all parents want their kids to be well-traveled. We cannot argue with the benefits that traveling has for our little one's holistic growth, and the most convenient time to bring them to different places would probably be during summer, when they won't have to worry about missing school. But what if we don't have that much time to plan or don't have enough resources for an out of town trip?

Hubby and I wanted to bring our daughters to Hong Kong Disneyland this month, but we decided against it for financial and practical reasons. I was starting to sulk inside and feel sorry for my kids for missing the opportunity to see their favorite princesses again, but then I read a blog in Huffington Post entitled, "We Have FOMO For Our Children and It Needs to Stop," and I was somehow reminded of our priorities as parents.

"If you want to go on fancy vacations and you can afford it, then do it. It’ll be fun. But please don’t feel like your kid is missing out. There is no official list of things they must do or see in order to have a good childhood," the author said.

"But we don’t have to try to pack an entire lifetime of experiences into 18 years. Our job, our real job, is to make our kids feel safe and loved. That’s it." 

Collecting flowers in the garden.

So rather than stressing ourselves out, trying to find a way for the HK trip to be a go, we agreed not to push through with it and instead save up for a family vacation in December. In the meantime, we brought the girls to the village playground and they enjoyed it. Our eldest adopted a little kitten with her older cousin  and the our youngest showed prowess by going up and down the slide on her own. They were already happy with simple things like that.

Also, as much as I adore those Instagram photos of kids in their cute baby-kinis and giant inflatables, the truth is that my youngest daughter hates swimming. She squirmed for the whole two minutes she was in the pool when we had a quick staycation in early April, so none of those swimming photos of Kawaii on my feed.

Another fun activity that we did - we gave them a bath outside.  Using only a garden hose, a plastic bath tub and a big enough planggana, the girls had a lot of fun splashing about.

Then you have the summer workshops. Ballet, dance, taekwondo, voice lessons, there's actually a lot to choose from nowadays. Even archery and Ninja Academy. I can see why moms spend a good amount of money for these lessons. Anything to help our little ones achieve their fullest potential. In fact, it's actually a very good way to make sure our kids are being productive and also developing their talents and interpersonal skills.

I was pregnant with my eldest when I read Amy Chua's book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." From then on, I promised that my child would have all the resources she needs to thrive in life. That includes different kinds of extracurricular activities and lessons every summer. We planned to sign her up for ballet a few months ago, but that didn't quite work out (location, schedule, budget, and we didn't want her two year old sister to feel left out). Maybe next year.

So, no summer workshops. But that doesn't mean we spent all our days wandering aimlessly at home. In fact, we did all sorts of fun (and cheap) activities.

As much as I wanted to teach my girls how to bake, the kitchen was a mess (we're renovating) and the weather was probably telling me to stay away from the oven for now. Instead, we made some frozen desserts using their favorite ingredients that are already in the pantry.

So excited for her popsicles.

Enjoying her corn and cheese popsicle. Recipe here.

Two-step frozen yogurt popsicles.

 Speaking of available ...

We bought Nash a toy scooter last year but she didn't really express much interest in learning how to ride it. It was just sitting in the room, gathering dust, until maybe last month when she told us that she wanted to practice riding on her scooter. And she did. She gives it a go a few times a day and now she already knows how to ride it.  We didn't even need to buy her expensive new instruments or sports gear for her to learn something new.

I wasn't able to enroll Nash to a dance workshop, but since March, she's been busting her moves in front of the TV while watching zumba videos on Youtube. It's amazing how she improves every week. Does that count as being self-taught? One day, her Lola invited a dance instructor to come to the house to teach her some dance steps. Nash wasn't interested and said, "My family can teach me how to dance."

I'm not saying that having a plan like going on an out of town trip or enrolling your kids to summer workshop isn't a good idea. It's just that if you don't have the means for it, there are alternatives to those activities. And if you fear that your kids missed out on a good summer experience because they didn't go somewhere exotic (or even Kidzania) or did not participate in any recital the past two months, stop. They will be okay. There is no checklist.

"Not all of the experiences that develop your child’s character can be found on a list of 101 Amazing Things Your Kids Must Do Before They Grow Up. Maybe the things that end up shaping your kids’ lives will be cheaper, closer to home, and in a word, ordinary." said the author of the blog I mentioned above.

Summer is almost over for us Pinay moms. School season starts in a few weeks. Let's make the most of it and create memories with the little ones.

Here's to Us, Moms Who Try

Moms are often categorized depending on their situation or preferences on how they raise their children. There are OC moms, freestyling moms (I usually fall under this category), breastfeeding moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, single moms, the list goes on. And while it's true that there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motherhood and our parenting approach, there is one thing we all have in common: WE ALL TRY.

 

From the moment our kids were born, we haven't stopped trying.

We try to nourish them the best way we can. We breastfeed them, even though we know within the first latch that it is going to be painful and uncomfortable. We strive to make healthy lunches and snacks and make our kids try even just one bite.

We try to discipline our children. We try to make sure they've learned their lesson without traumatizing them. To find the balance between being firm and being compassionate. We try to keep our cool even though inside we already want to explode. 

Working moms try to secure the future of their kids, even if it means spending time apart. Stay-at-home moms sacrifice their careers to nurture their children, and try to attend to their every need. Single moms try to give their kids a happy family by taking on the role of mother and father. 

We try to shield them from all the hurt, pain and bad things in this world. We try to protect them as much as we can, but also, try to let go of them a little to give them room to grow. 

We try to stay fit. We keep pushing, keep running on the treadmill, and try to squeeze in a quick workout no matter how busy we are just to see a semblance of that post-baby body back. We try to stay healthy and feel beautiful, for our children, our husband and most especially for ourselves.

And despite having our hands full with motherhood, we still try to be a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend. 

We try to make the world a better place for our kids. We stand up with other women against bullying, sexism, racism and do our part so that our children can have a kinder place to live in. 

We try even though we're scared. We try even though we're really, really tired. 

There are times when it may even seem like we're trying too hard. When we feel like we're not cut out for this job.

But I realized, isn't trying a good thing to teach our kids? What's one thing all successful people have in common? They persevered. They tried and tried to achieve something, to get where they are today. Because if they didn't even try and still end up with everything they want, that isn't success. That's entitlement. I want to teach my kids to try, experience failure at some point, but continue to strive and then feel that exhilaration when they've finally accomplished something. 

We try every single day to give our best to our kids. There are times that we fall short. Many times we feel like quitting, but we don't. We get up and we keep trying. We keep trying because we love them. That's what makes us a good mother. 

So on this day that is meant to recognize our contribution to society, I realized that the dedication that we put into trying and not giving up for our family is something worth celebrating.

Today, I pray for wisdom to envision our dreams for ourselves and for our families, courage to pursue it, patience to persevere amidst challenges and grace to face failure without breaking our spirit. 

Happy Mother's Day to us, beautiful trying moms!