Thank You Lord, for the Grace You Give Me Through My Kids

About a month ago, I was having a terrible migraine. 

It was after supper, but I noticed that my kids still had a ton of energy, so I told my two girls not to make so much noise as I was having a headache and was not feeling well. Then without any prodding, they took charge and started taking care of me. 

They tucked me in bed, made sure I had my pillows and gave me a glass of water. They even put a bell on my bedside so I could summon them if I needed something. They got my phone because they knew looking at it would make my migraine worse. They texted their Tatay (who was working then) that I was sick and told me to take a nap. My eight-year-old even kept an eye on her two-year-old brother while I was resting.  

The first thing I felt when my girls were taking care of me was pride. I remember thinking, "They're so awesome!" They showed compassion for me when I was sick, and have been really capable that night.

The next thing was guilt. I can't believe they were taking care of me. I didn't deserve it. 

I wasn't exactly the nicest to them those past couple of days. My patience was running on a short fuse and I snapped at them over the smallest things - not brushing their hair, not paying attention to their lessons (we homeschool), my eldest teasing her younger sister - the usual things that get to my mom-nerves. 

But there they were, trying to make me feel better. And I felt bad because I didn't deserve it. I was such a mean mom to them. And then it came to me - GRACE. 

Photo from Canva

I Googled "What is grace," and I came up with a lot of secular and Biblical phrases that defined it, mostly being "a virtue coming from God," and "an undeserved favor." But my favorite one, which surprisingly came from Wikipedia is "the love and mercy given to us by God because He desires us to have it, not necessarily because of anything we have done to earn it."

I remembered the times my kids gave me a hug after I got mad at them. I didn't even have to say I'm sorry. The times they showed me favor even when I didn't ask for it.  How many times they wrote, "Best Mom in the World" even when I'm a hundred percent sure I'm not. My kids showed me grace, and I couldn't take any credit for it. That didn't come from me, and even though he is a real stand-up guy, I don't think they got it from their father either. 

That grace I think they had, all kids had when they were born. Perfect grace ... and it came from above. 

I know us parents are the models of grace here on earth (I mean, can you even count the times your own mother forgave you and showed you love when you felt like the worst person on earth?), but our kids, man, they're just natural givers of grace. They don't even know they're bursting with it. And for that, I'm so thankful to God. 

My two caregivers ... and grace-givers.

I have learned so much about grace by being a mother. Not because I'm always giving it, but because I know how it feels like to be on the receiving end of something that is pure and unconditional. I don't deserve it, but it is given to me every time and without measure.

I pray that my kids will always have this amount of grace to give and receive from other people as well. I also pray that life doesn't hurt them bad enough that they stop giving it. And lastly, I pray that I become a better model and giver of grace to my kids and to other people in this lifetime.

7 Ways to Cultivate Resiliency in Your Children

 

Unless you live in a bubble, chances are you have already faced adversity. We are all going to experience pain and struggles at one point in our lives, and as much as we want to shield them, our children are not exempted from it. But it doesn’t mean that they are expected to lead a miserable life. While we cannot always protect them from getting hurt, defeated or rejected, we can help our kids learn how to be resilient and bounce back or from painful experiences and difficulties.

The Oxford Dictionary defined resiliency as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. In 1997, Dr. Paul Stoltz coined the term Adversity Quotient in his book, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities. As the name implies, adversity quotient is a person’s ability to deal with setbacks and difficulties in his life.  According to Stoltz, it is something that is hardwired inside of us. But if that's the case, how come some people are able to come out almost unscathed while others feel so hopeless when things get tough?

Now more than ever, it’s very important to raise children who are resilient and cultivate a mindset where they can adapt, cope and succeed regardless if life throws them some curve balls.

The American Academy of Pediatrics together with Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician specializing in Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, wrote a book called A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings. There, they identified the 7 Cs of resiliency to provide a guideline for parents on the essential factors that are needed when it comes to helping children become resilient.

·       Competence – Having the ability and the skills to respond to situations effectively.

·       Confidence – Believing in one’s capabilities to do the right thing.

·       Connection – Having solid ties with someone who gives them a sense of security and safety in any circumstance.

·       Character – Having a sense of right and wrong to be able to make sound decisions, and contribute to society by being part of the solution.

·       Contribution – Being able to chip in gives them a sense of purpose and motivates them to rise above adversity.

·       Coping – Being able to accept the situation and knowing how to respond to it positively.

·        Control – Knowing that they are in charge of their actions and decisions and that they have the ability to bounce back. 

Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

With that in mind, here are some ways to cultivate resiliency in your child:

·       Strengthening your emotional connection.

Let your child know that he has somebody he can count on to share his feelings without being judged or ridiculed. For kids, the best way to show them you care is by spending time with them. Go on walks to the park, play with his favorite toy, or read a book together. Let him know that you’re there when he needs you.

You can also encourage him to build his relationships with his siblings, grandparents or friends. This shows him that he has people he can depend on that will support him.

 

·       Teach him problem-solving skills.

As parents, it’s natural for us to want to protect our child. But it will not help him if we’re always there to “save the day.”

When your child is faced with a difficult situation, resist the urge to step in and fix the problem. Instead of providing the answers, ask questions and let him find a way to solve the issue.  Recognizing that he is capable of handling the situation will boost his confidence.

 

·       Let him make mistakes … and learn from them.

Sometimes our kids are too sheltered and entitled that they get so anxious when something goes wrong or fails. We may have been giving them this impression when we focus too much on the end result (for example, acing a test or winning in sports).

Let us step away from that mind frame of perfection and show our children that failure is a part of growth. Allow your child to make mistakes, learn from that mistake and use it as a challenge to bounce back and to move forward.

 

Photo by Randy Lobiano

·       Laugh together.

Laughter is a coping mechanism that has a lot of benefits: it connects you to people, reduces anxiety, releases anger or stress and strengthens the immune system.

When life gets unbearable, humor allows us to not take ourselves too seriously.

In experiencing difficulty or defeat, encourage your child to take a step back and laugh at himself for losing or being wrong. This will help lighten his mood and remind him that this situation is not permanent and he can recover from it.

 

·       Encourage him to participate in sports.

Aside from the physical benefits that it presents, taking part in any kind of sports exposes your child to difficulties and setbacks, promotes quick-thinking and trains him to respond to moderate levels of stress.

Playing sports can also boost your child’s confidence and build his character by teaching him valuable lessons like teamwork and sportsmanship – learning how to gracefully accept defeat. Moreover, being part of a team will help him realize that his actions will affect other people and the outcome of the game.

 

·       Practice gratitude.

Instead of dwelling on negative feelings like loss or difficulties, being grateful shifts our focus on the positive things.

When things start going on a downward spiral, reframe your child’s thoughts and tell him to think of the things that he should be thankful for, including the lessons that he learned after solving a problem or overcoming a difficulty.

As a family, get in the habit of saying three things that you are grateful for that day. Practicing this every day will help your kid appreciate what he has rather than what he has lost.

 

·        Teach him to evaluate his actions.

According to Dr. Lucy Hone, co-director at the New Zealand Institute of Well-being & Resilience and author of the book Resilient Grieving, by asking yourself whether the next step will be beneficial or harmful to you, you’re putting yourself back in the driver’s seat. You’re taking control of your emotions.

So when your child is faced with difficulty or adversity, ask him what his next step is, then pose the question: “Will doing that help you or harm you?” That will help him take charge of the situation and make a decision that is favorable to him.

Whether it’s a failing grade in school, rejection by peers or losing a loved one or pet, children are not immune to pain and suffering. But it’s up to us if we will let these traumatic circumstances scar them for life, or equip them with the skills to deal with adversity, to bounce back and face these challenges head-on.

Homeschool, Here We Come!

 

This year,  one of my kids will be homeschooled.

I spent the past months preparing for homeschool; finding a good accredited homeschool provider for my eldest, completing requirements and turning my husband’s workstation into a classroom, complete with all the visuals and Montessori toys (salamat, Shopee). With better lighting, I think papasa na rin sa Pinterest. 

 

For the physical and logistical part, I can say we’re ready. But mentally and emotionally, I’m still anxious. I don’t think I can ever be as prepared with the important part - being my daughters’ teacher.

I never wanted to be a teacher. 

 

Okay, post-college, I imagined myself donning preppy preschool teacher’s clothes, but that’s about it. And once upon a time, when I was pregnant with my first child, I dreamed of homeschooling my children when they reach the school age. But the illusion that I could be the type of mom I read about vanished the moment the baby came out and now my husband and I are outnumbered three to two, so I thought I would never give homeschool a try. I can’t be a teacher. 

 

Don’t get me wrong. I have high regard for the profession. Both of my grandmothers were

educators (they were both public school district supervisors in their respective provinces). I have a lot of aunts and cousins who are teachers. My best friend is an excellent educator as well. So I have big respect for those who teach. I absolutely adore my kids’ past teachers. I actually consider teaching a vocation, just one that is not mine. I don’t think I have the patience for that. 

 

Then “Covid-19 happened.” And physical schools are temporarily out of the picture. I was then forced to revisit this “impossible dream” that I thought had already been put to rest - the idea of homeschooling my kids. I thought and prayed long and hard about it. There were a lot of doubts and questions in my mind:

 

Can I really do it?

Do I know enough to teach?

My kids were doing great in their previous schools. Am I doing them a disservice by putting their education in my hands?

Am I even qualified? I don’t have any teaching credentials.

How will our schedule look like? Aside from my two girls, I still have a clingy two-year old to take care of.

Will I have the patience to be my strong-headed daughter’s teacher?

Can I really do it? (yes, I repeated it, and 100 times more)?

 

But as I was reminded a few days ago, we may have been in challenging circumstances because of the pandemic, but deciding to homeschool my child was not an accident. The Lord planted that desire in my heart eight years ago, and stirred it within me again now. I could have opted to stay in my comfort zone and go for distance learning, but maybe He led us here because He has a different plan for me and my daughters this year. 

 

Like so many moms that are new to homeschooling, I still have a lot of doubts and questions in my head. But I’m welcoming it with open arms and I’m eager to know the answers and overcome it as we go along. “Today is a great day to learn something new,” I wrote in my repurposed blackboard (just saw that quote on Pinterest). 

 

I know our homeschooling journey will not be perfect, but it will be a way for me to connect with my child. I also can’t wait to see how it affects our whole dynamics as a family.

 

Okay, so here we go. Wish me luck. I'll need it. 

Defining Your Family's New Normal

 Day 23 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine. And it seems like we're not seeing the end of the tunnel yet.

By now, we’re all already used to being at home the whole day (I’ve been used to it for a while, being a stay-at-home mom) and the novelty of it has probably worn out. Same goes for our kids. They have probably adjusted to their new schedule and to the routine we’ve established for them during this period.

For me, a mom to little kids (from toddler to school-age), this whole lockdown was quite a curveball. Some of you parents may agree. Just when we thought we got parenting figured out, this happens. And again we’re at a loss on what to do. Do we parent in panic mode and traumatize our children for the rest of their lives? Do we try to be normal and attempt to imitate the classroom setting, to ensure our children’s learning continues, since the school year wasn’t actually finished? Do we try homeschooling, unschooling and all those fancy parenting styles we read on the internet?

We’re again faced with the decision and responsibility of explaining the gravity of the situation to our children without instilling (or transferring our) fear. 

Such is parenting in the time of Corona. Our days are filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Going to the supermarket, a task we’ve mastered before now seems like a dangerous chore. We worry about our family, our community as the number of COVID cases rises every day. Yet we still try to spark hope and reach out to our frontliners, and teach our children to do the same. All of these while sounding like a broken record reminding everyone in our household to wash their hands.

And whether we like it or not, what is happening right now will affect our children’s lives in the future.   

Here comes the "silver lining:" We are now given the chance (and for some, the extra time) to change our children’s future. Being at home and being around us mean we can teach them things first hand. We can be available to them, to answer their questions and spark their curiosity. 

Photo by Christopher Ivanov on Unsplash

So if this is the new normal, and we’re building this new way of life for our kids, what attitude and beliefs would you like to be part of it? 

Personally, these are the things that I do NOT want my kids to consider as normal:

• Social distancing and quarantine. Or the lack of freedom. I want to go to the supermarket without having to wear a spacesuit, and worrying if the can of pork and beans I touched will make me sick. I want to be able to meet up with my friends and give my niece a hug. I want my kids to be able to play in the park again and go to the beach.
• Being paranoid with the people around me. I know I’m a “praning mom” and I’ve always warned my children about stranger danger, but I still don’t want them to live in a world where they are always anxious and suspicious. I want them to be carefree and trusting and see the good in people, instead of always looking for warning signs for anyone they meet.
• Hoarding. And people being selfish just because they can. Kids should know that there are plenty of blessings to go around. They should not keep taking just because they have the means, while others are left with nothing.

And if they aren’t yet, these SHOULD be part of the new normal:

• Practicing proper hygiene. Constant hand washing, taking a bath after coming from a public place.
• Praying together as a family. Praying for those who are not part of your social circle.
• Being a good citizen and following the law.
• Being mindful and considerate of others. People now know the importance of staying home when you’re sick, and not touching babies and old people.
• Respect for personal space. Maintaining a safe distance doesn’t mean you’re being a snob or “maselan.” It means you just want yourself and others to feel comfortable.
• Compassion for others. Sending out thank you notes to your doctor, get well soon cards and food to sick people should always be a part of the norm.
• Respect for those who make life easier for us. Not just our doctors and nurses, but also the supermarket attendants, delivery guys, cleaners and street sweepers.
• Respect for teachers. Okay, so it seems homeschooling is not for everyone. We should really honor the teachers for their dedication and the PATIENCE they have for our children. After this pandemic, we should all agree to give them higher pay and better working conditions.
• Respect for those who stay at home. If you’re reading this and you’re fed and safe (and without children constantly distracting you), thank your mom. Or your wife. Our work is REAL and running a tight ship isn’t easy. Now you know why we need a break, even if we “just stay at home.”
• Freedom of speech. I’m not the type to be political, but as Princess Jasmine sang, “I won’t be silenced.” If you raised your kids right, then you shouldn’t be afraid if they want to use their voice. Having a different opinion or questioning their leaders doesn’t make them ungrateful or unpatriotic.  So pay attention to your children. Raise them well so they only know how to speak the truth and they have the integrity to back their words with actions

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Some say we will never go back to the way it was before; we shouldn’t. 

And what we do today as parents, as citizens, as human beings will create a new normal for our children. So we should do our best to make sure we won’t have to say sorry to them in the future.

May we all emerge wiser, stronger and kinder after this pandemic.

Teach These Four Healthy Habits to Your Kids

Photo by Valeria Ushakova from Pexels

As parents, our ultimate goal is the safety and well-being of our children. We consult our doctors, read parenting books and exhaust all possible resources to make sure we’re doing the right things. And doing everything for them is not enough. We must be able to instill in our kids important lessons that they will remember and use throughout their lives.

With all the different parenting styles emerging and new information available out there, it can be pretty confusing to determine which things we should prioritize teaching our kids. But when it comes to health, there are some habits that are universally deemed as important. Being a parent myself, I’ve found that there are four main things that I should follow and implement to ensure my children’s well-being and prevent them from being sick.

Whether you read it on a website or consult a health practitioner, these four healthy habits always make the cut:

Drinking a lot of water

 

From blood circulation and cell growth to proper digestion and supporting the immune system, it’s a universal truth that our bodies would not function well without water. Dehydration or the lack of water in the body has serious health risks such as heat stroke, urinary and kidney problems, even headaches and constipation.

Educate your kid with the importance of drinking water and train him to make it his go-to drink. At six months, babies are allowed a little bit of water to go with their solids. So before you introduce juices and other sugary drinks in his diet, make sure that he has a good habit of drinking water first. Teach him to drink one glass of water after every meal. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also recommends drinking a glass of water before, during and after any physical activity to replace the fluids that were lost, and even more in hot, humid weather conditions.

Being physically active

 

Exercise has so many beneficial effects on our children’s bodies including improvement of their mental and emotional health, sharpening their motor skills, strengthening bones and muscles, and lowering the risk of life-threatening illnesses like diabetes and heart disease.

The AAP recommends at least 60 minutes of physical activity for children ages 6 and up. But as early as age 1, you can help your child develop a love for exercise and being physically active. Take him for a walk every morning or go to the playground. Simple exercises such as running and jumping are fun for kids too. When he’s big enough, introduce him to a sport and teach him some stretching exercises.

If going outside is not an option right now, you can still enjoy some physical activities indoors like doing kids Yoga or dance workouts on YouTube.

Teaching your child to be physically active will also lessen the risks that prolonged exposure to technology has on most kids today.

Hand Hygiene

 

According to the World Health Organization, our hands are the main pathways for germ transmission. A lot of bacteria and infectious diseases can be passed through handshakes or touching dirty surfaces.

With a communicable virus affecting millions of people around the world today, never has proper handwashing been more important. Teach your child to wash his hands with soap and water before and after meals, after using the toilet, after he coughs or sneezes and every time he comes home. Aside from washing his hands, tell him to refrain from rubbing his eyes or touching his face, and putting his fingers in his mouth when his hands are dirty to prevent the spread of bacteria.

Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Getting enough rest

 

After a long day, all we want is to rest our tired bodies and get some sleep. Well, not for our kids. They want to use up all their energy before they can say they’re ready for bed. But the AAP recommends a guideline of adequate sleep duration for different age groups for children to ensure their optimal health. This is because getting enough sleep leads to general wellness and improved quality of health, and lack of it can cause physical illness and behavioral problems to name a few.

Establishing a bedtime routine for your child is essential to develop a good sleeping habit. Setting a regular time for bed is the first step. Don’t wait for your baby to be yawning or throwing tantrums before you put them to bed. Other suggestions include turning off the TV and all screens at least 30 minutes before bedtime (or not putting those gadgets in your kid’s bedroom in the first place), taking a relaxing bath, reading a book and setting up the room (lighting) to be conducive to sleeping.


They may sound simple, but it’s essential for your child to acquire these healthy habits at an early age so they can stay fit and have a generally well-balanced life. Proper education, training, and modeling are key so that they can develop these valuable habits. It may require some effort on our part, but it’s worth it knowing that our kids will lead a healthy lifestyle in the long run.

To My Husband, While We're in this Season of Raising Small Kids

There's this photo of us that I love. It was taken maybe when we were still engaged or before that. I was wearing my favorite Aubrey Hepburn shirt, and you were wearing a baggy shirt. You didn't care for slim fit clothing then. We were smiling, looking at something. You were probably saying something funny, and I was just trying hard not to laugh, or to look cute.

That felt like ages ago. We looked so carefree. We were so carefree. Going into marriage, we never thought we'd have children so soon. Then we had our first child. And then another. And another.

We're in this season. This tumultuous season of raising small kids.

We're in the season of wiping butts, and of wiping tears. Of repeating words and fixing messes.
We're in the season of playing referee, of "teaching while having fun," of navigating parenting styles and learning how to discipline three unique individuals, and what all of these means for us as a family.

We're in the season of midnight snacks and Netflix and Chill are our kind of date nights.
Of being sandwiched and squished by three little people on the bed, and the only thing we can do is reach for each other's hand and say goodnight as we're careful not to wake the baby.

People will look at us, with our frazzled looks, stained shirts, furrowed brows and they will not think of us as couple goals. If they don't know any better, they might even think, "I'm never having kids!"

But while we're here, I just want you to know, there's nobody else I would want to be with in this season but you.
Nobody else I want to argue parenting styles with, play good cop-bad cop with.
At the end of a really long day, I look forward to rehashing everything our children did, with you. No hand I'd rather reach for in bed but yours.

Sometimes it feels as though (at least for me) our kids are all we have. That everything is about them.  But you know what they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." Someday we'll hope that we're all they have and their lives only revolve around us.

We've been married for almost 10 years, and a big part of it, we've spent taking care of our children. Sometimes I wonder, some of the things we promised to do after we got married, we haven't gone around to doing yet. But then I remember that we're in this season, and even though it feels like forever, it is fleeting.

But as our children grow, we also grow with them.  We grow as individuals, we grow as parents, and we grow as a couple. You've seen me turn from being a starry-eyed girl in my twenties to a striving mother of three in my thirties. And you've been so gracious to all the changes that happened. Change of status, change of address, change of plans, everything.

Some things haven't changed though. You still make me laugh with your awesome sense of humor, something that our kids got from you. My blood still boils with that unbelievable temper of yours.  Something that I pray our children will not inherit. I'm still in awe of your passion, determination, and generosity.

Looking at us, I think we're still the same couple in that photo. We're still smiling, looking at the same thing together. You're still trying to make me laugh, but it's not about some silly thing anymore. We're staring at our cute little kids, probably wondering how our lives would be without them.

So we're in this season. This epic, exhausting, exhilarating season of being parents of little kids. And however long this stage of our life turns out to be, I'm glad that I'm in it with you.