To My Second Child, I Remember Everything

As I write this, you are sleeping quietly after clinging on to me for about 30 minutes, because of the sound of the thunder that barely lasted 30 seconds. You fell asleep while repeating your mantra, "I'm a brave and strong girl."

Yes, at two years old, you already have a mantra. I may have asked you to repeat it every time you get scared, but it was you who first said that exact sentence to me. When you said you were afraid at the cinema, but not anymore because "I'm a brave and strong girl."

photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

See? I remember everything.

I remember the day you were born. You were shouting and it seemed like you were demanding everybody to pay attention to you. And your Tatay and I agreed, our new girl is feisty.

I remember how you held your breath when you cry, at six months old, and your lips would turn purple it scared everyone in the room.

At one year old, you were my constant selfie buddy. At such a young age, you had such an animated face.

You were also afraid of swimming when you were a year old. But that changed a few months ago. Now you don't even want to be held when you're at the swimming pool. "I'll do it on my own," you always say. "I'll do my best," sometimes even followed by "in my own special way."

You always want to be the fierce and strong one. You don't mind being the Maui to your sister's Moana, the Branch to her Princess Poppy. If Ate is Minnie Mouse, you are fine with being Mickey.

Selfie buddies

Some people, even those close to us, may have misinterpreted how different I am with you than with your Ate. Because there were some things that I did with your sister when she was small, that I didn't do with you. Like dress her up in pink for her monthly pictures, get her to watch "Your Baby Can Read" every day, document every little thing she did growing up. Some might draw the conclusion that I favor her over you, that you're getting all the leftovers.

Don't believe that for one second, sweetheart. When you're a mom, there's no such thing as leftover love. It's always overflowing and with my whole heart. My love for you and your big sister are both equal and special.

Because you are two different individuals with different needs and personalities. You never really cared for the color pink. You love yellow. You crawled away from the laptop two minutes into the intro of Your Baby Can Read.

You're not the princess-y type. You're the adventurous one. You don't cry in a corner when you're sad. You're the type who kicks and screams, "I'm mad at you!" But you're also the type who loves getting kisses on your boo-boos and tells me, "You're my best friend," and "I'll take care of you, Mama."

And I may not be able to record every milestone you make (and sometimes I regret it because you grow up so fast), but you can bet that I remember all the important things as they are forever etched in my heart. And who has time for scrapbooking, when I'm so busy watching you like a hawk as you climbed on tables and stood on mono bloc chairs? Having scissors around you is a bad idea. Who knows what kind of accident we'll get into?

The truth is sometimes I forget how little you are. That despite your tough and feisty demeanor, you are still my little baby. But I remember all the rest about you, my strong-willed, independent little girl.

Now that your days of being our "bunso" are numbered,  I'm trying to soak in as much of you as I can. To spend more time with you and play with you, especially when your sister is in school. To create moments with you, memories that we will treasure forever. And although Mom has been so tired the past few days, watching you and how much you need me gives me energy to make it through the whole day.

You will be the middle child soon, and a lot has been said and written about the woes of being a middle child. Don't worry. Tatay and I will be with you as you adjust to your new role in our growing family. And remember sweetheart, you will always be my little baby. I will love you no less, and also in my own special way.

Love, Mom

As a Mom, I am Many Things (But Not Everything)

I wanted to post this as my Facebook status today, but I realized I wanted a more permanent space for it. I want this to be sort of a mantra for me from now on, and I want to go back to reading it when things get tough.

This is just a random thought that crossed my mind while in the supermarket this afternoon. I'd like to be a little bit profound about it, but if you think it's quite cliche and not exactly a light bulb moment for you, it's fine. My blog, my rules.

Us mothers, we can't be confined to being just one thing. We are always a lot of things to our family, especially to our kids.

As a mom, I realized that am many things. Society likes to classify mothers according to work situations or preferences, so right now, I am a full-time mom, because I stay at home with my kids all day. I still keep a part-time online job, so I guess I'm also a working mom, and I am a proud breastfeeding mom, that is until my youngest turns three (which is in six months).

To my children, I am more than those three things. I am their primary caregiver, I am the one who kisses the boo-boo to make the pain go away. I am their constant frenemy; I am the one who tells them to pack away their toys before their father comes home (and also the one who packs it away when push comes to shove), and the one who sets the timer on the iPad so they know it's time to stop watching videos. I am the first person to greet them every morning, and the last one they want to see before they shut their eyes at night.

Yes, being a mom means that I am many things. But I am not everything. We need to be reminded of that often.

We're used to juggling a lot of things at the same time that at times we feel like we can, or we need to do it all. But there are also things that I am not, or roles that I could not fit into. For starters, I"m not one of those moms who got their post-baby bod back (or even a semblance of it). I'm not a homeschooling mom, even though there was a time I thought we'd be going down that path. I tried, but I didn't get the hang of being a babywearing mom. I'm not an organic mom. I'm not one of those who succeeds almost effortlessly at "tamang kain," and yes, I feed my daughters ice cream and pancit canton on a regular day. I'm not an artsy, crafty mom. There are parts of the day where I let Youtube entertain my girls.

I'm not a doctor, even though sometimes when my kids are sick, I wish that I know all the answers and ways to heal them. I'm not a career woman. As much as I sometimes yearn to satisfy that part of me and have a bigger contribution to our budget, I cannot stand to be away from my kids for a whole day.

I am not a supermom.

But it doesn't mean that I'm not trying to be a better mother. It doesn't mean that I'm not trying to introduce healthy choices to my kids' diet, and limit their screen time as much as I can. It doesn't mean I'm done trying to be a fit mom, a strong mom.

I guess at the end of the day (and I'm being literal as I type this, it's almost midnight and the girls are asleep), we should just learn to celebrate who we are and have a sense of humor about the things that we are not.

We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves, fellow moms. The truth is, our kids don't notice what we lack, because they already think we do so much. So don't spend your time hating and judging other mothers, and yourself. Instead, live for those moments when you feel surrounded by people who love you, and make you feel accomplished and complete. 

We don't have to be everything to everybody. But if we just put that extra something (aka love) to what we do every day, for our kids, that will be more than enough.

Seven Lessons We Learned as We Approach the Seven Year Itch

A few weeks  ago, Koks and I celebrated our seventh year anniversary. It's amazing how time goes by. I can still remember being giddy like a high school girl and having butterflies in my tummy as we approached our wedding day.

In marriage, there's a term called the seven-year itch.  According to Wikipedia, the seven-year itch is a psychological term suggesting that happiness in a relationship declines after around the seventh year of marriage, and studies show that it's an ongoing reality for most couples today.

I can't say that there's no truth to that statement, but as we approach the dreaded number, I don't feel at all that our marriage is going on a downward spiral. In fact, I think it's the happiest we've ever been. While we certainly experienced the honeymoon stage with us living together in a different country in our first two years, I think the past five years also had some merits. We learned to navigate our relationship as we welcomed our first child, and then another. Now we're a small family with our two darling girls.

While we don't claim to be experts when it comes to marriage, being husband and wife for seven years (together for more than 10 years) and talking to some married couples in our circle, we certainly learned some lessons to make our bond stronger and enjoy a happier life together. Allow me to share some with you:

Disclaimer: The hubster approved of this post, so it's safe to say that he agrees with the points below. 

Keep dating each other.

Even when you don't have money. Even if the kids don't have nannies. They don't have to be expensive. Koks and I are masters of the Netflix and Chill theme. What sets the mood? Large fries and monster float from McDonalds (24-hour delivery for the win!).

Accept who you are as a couple (and individuals).

When we were starting out, I had a lot of expectations for us as a married couple. I wanted the works. Getting married meant having the freedom to do what we want, and I wanted to be the type of couple who dresses up and goes out for drinks with our friends on a Friday night. But as it turns out, that's not who we are. My husband hated going to bars because of the smoke and he likes to go to bed early. And he knows I'm not the type who thrives in a big group setting. I may have married Mr. Congeniality, but the introvert in me retreats when there's too many people to socialize with.

We also belong to a Catholic group for married couples, and for a while, I didn't want us to be too associated with the community. I didn't want our other friends to tag us as goody-goody and "boring." But through our service, our faith grew along with our relationship. Now we're very proud to say that we're serving the Lord through Couples for Christ.  I don't think anchoring our marriage to God makes us any less fun than our other coupled friends.

Support each other's passion.

My husband's friends and teammates know how much I support him in his love for basketball. When we didn't have kids yet, I'd watch him at every practice and now, our girls know that our weekend activities include us coming to their Tatay's games and cheer for him from the sidelines. I even mastered the ancient art of breastfeeding our little one on the bleachers while keeping score.

On the other hand, I feel happy whenever I see Koks sharing my blog posts to his friends and his feed on social media. He knows writing is important to me, so he gives me enough space and privacy to express my thoughts on my blog. He's also obliged to complete a three-year journal of our life together. He thinks it's time-consuming, but he does it with me anyway.

Have a support group (and it doesn't include in-laws!)

Yes, we still have our own set of friends (it's  healthy to keep them), but we also have a set of common friends who knew us from waaay back. These are our old friends in Youth For Christ, and our household prayer group in CFC. They know us as individuals and as a couple so they're more likely to be neutral when it comes to discussions. Like us, most of them are also married and belong to the community so we know we can confide in each other and pray for each other's concerns.  The talks and activities that we attended from the CFC Young Couples' Program also helped us navigate our way to being a newly married couple.

And while we have nothing against our in-laws (we're so blessed to be one of those couples who have no in-law drama), we believe it's healthy not to discuss our marital problems with them and keep a united front as a couple. We know that they will always have our backs though.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

My husband and I have our own quirks and ways of really getting in each other's nerves, but we try to let go of those little things that bother us and focus on the things that make us like and love each other. Remember, it's better to be happy than to be right. It's better to love than to be right.

Find a way to laugh together. 

A lot of our female friends have asked me what it's like to be married to somebody who's so funny. I tell them, of course, it's great! But it's tough too because life is not funny all the time. And when funny guys get serious, you know better than joke around with them. But for the most part, it really is a blessing to find someone you can laugh with, and who will make you laugh for the silliest reasons.  No one else can get me in stitches like my husband does. I think it's why even though our marriage is soon to hit the decade mark, I still feel young and optimistic about things.

Accept that your partner have changed or can change.

I realized that relationships fall apart when the parties are not open to change. There are things about me or Koks that are not what they used to be, but it doesn't mean that our marriage is doomed to fail. We learned to love each other as is, and not our closed idea of how our spouse used to be. As long as it's not destructive or abusive, we welcome change. Instead of being frustrated about it, we see it as a challenge to find new ways to show our love to each other. "How do I love you more than I loved you before?"

Bonus for wives: submit to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22). 

In this modern, women-empowering world, it's easy to dismiss this advice. But for me, being submissive doesn't mean playing dumb while your husband makes all the decisions. It's about giving him enough respect and trust to lead your family. It's about not always being quick to judge his mistakes and decisions, and stepping in when problems arise but always being supportive and compassionate and prayerful, and trust that he will find solutions.  Ladies, let your husband commit mistakes (mistakes, not sins). Trust me, they will learn the hard way.

In our years of being married, being submissive to my husband led to him becoming more responsible and sensitive to my needs. He also values my opinions more and includes me in decision-making. It also led to me worrying less about things that I have no control over. 

Year One

Year Seven

A few weeks ago, a priest said in his homily, "Couples for Christ na sila pero nag-aaway pa." It's a pet peeve that Koks and I both share, but we kept a straight face throughout the mass. Being part of the community doesn't make us any more perfect than other couples out there. Of course I still fight with my husband. Only him and our family have the license to drive me mad (with others, I could care less). But it's normal. We get in each other's nerves, argue about it, come up with a solution and pray about it. Some fights last longer than others, but we still stay together and work on it as partners.

I realized that we still have a lot to learn from other couples who are married longer than we have been, and from each other as well. But as long as we keep learning and laughing together, I know we're on the right track. We may not be the poster couple for a perfect marriage, but God has joined us together because we're perfect for each other.

I know it takes more than a few tips to solve every marital woe in the world, but I hope couples reading this have picked up a thing or two about enriching your married life.

To my husband, thanks for sharing your life with me. If there's any itch in our relationship, it's probably me, itching to spend the rest of my life with you, fulfilling our dreams and watching God's plan for us unfold. Here's to the next seven, seventy-seven and seven hundred years with you. Happy Anniversary! 

A Letter to My Grownup Kids

By now, we're already entrenched in all the Father's Day spirit going around. Well, our dads deserve all the love and recognition. 

But for me and my siblings, being proud of our Papa is an everyday thing. It's hard not to be, when you're raised by such a great man.

So for the last installment of my Dads Speak Up series, it is with great pride that I share this Dad's - my Papa's letter to his grown-up kids. 

My dear Labkids,

I am so thrilled that you are proud of me. That is every parent’s wish.

I always recall the days when we would only buy your shoes and clothes from the tiangge because I couldn’t afford the original ones. We did not have the money but you did not lack in taste. You chose the good-looking ones. It is amazing that three boys grew up to be good basketball players despite the ill-fitting imitation rubber shoes.

I love thinking of the days when I could only buy you decent toys when I came from a foreign business trip. They were few and far in between that’s why you cared for them with so much affection because you knew they were all hard-earned. I remember you had only 2 or 3 real Barbie Dolls while the rest were Divisoria posers. 

I remember the afternoon Kaye went up to me because her toy was broken. The look on her face showed how she trusted that I could fix it. My heart broke into a million pieces because I couldn’t make it work. And couldn’t even buy a new one.

Camille, I remember your delighted face when I gave you that puppet theater. I’m sorry the boys turned it into a pellet gun shooting gallery!

I always wondered how you felt as “children of a lesser god."  Did you resent me for that ? Did you wish your Papa had a little more money then ?

I didn’t really feel that you wished you were born in another place at another time to another set of parents.

We were happy when we played touch ball in the street or when we went to the public parks. I have home videos to prove we were a joyful family as you climbed the monkey bars, rocked the swing and rode on your low-end skateboards.

We all proved to ourselves that happy doesn’t always need money. Love beats money any day.

I think that’s a good lesson to learn now that you have the ability to earn your money.

Have some respect for money. You need to earn a good amount of it because it’s so hard to focus on your work if you worry about rent, food, clothes, medicines. Earn as much as you can because it’s not a bad thing to have abundance in life. But it should not be the measure of success. 

What should it be then? Achievement? Fame? Popularity? A permanent place in history? A house on the beach?

To all these questions, the answers are yes and no. These are all worthy pursuits but you should not be under pressure to chase them just because you want to impress your high school classmates or because somebody said they are the yardsticks of success.

All I’m saying is that you decide for yourself what will make you feel fulfilled and happy. You define your success. You know what? The biggest regret of people is not having lived the life they had really wanted. 

I have lived for more than fifty years. Some of my dreams have been fulfilled, some have dissipated. I have won many games and I have lost many battles. I have learned from so many experiences, people and books and now this is what I believe in: 

People are happier when they dedicate their lives to a good purpose and when their work makes a positive difference in people’s lives. 

 To be able to serve a good purpose, you must be equipped with a certain talent, something that you contribute to the world. (not necessarily the whole world. That may be too big a thing to cover.) Sometimes, those talents are called “gifts’ from God. You have to give them back to God by serving His people.

 So, you might remember what your Mama and I consistently told you in numerous retreat letters: develop your talents, be the best that you can be.

 Mama and I are grateful that you have all have developed your creative talents. Some of you may one day be the screenwriter or movie director that I did not become. (If we had the genes for math and chemistry, some of you should have become an engineer or a doctor. )

Now, let me take this opportunity to expound on becoming “the best that you can be.” We don’t just mean becoming the best writer, or digital expert, or artist. It’s about becoming “the best person” that you can be. In my book, that means becoming a kind, caring, honest, fair and brave person. 

Go as far as your talent can take you or as far as you want to go. But keep in mind there’s no gain in pushing yourself to the top if your children will end up not loving you or if you will cheat, rob and oppress people or even just irritate them with your conceit and all-knowing IQ.

I can see how you are all turning out to be persons your children can be proud of. Yes, that’s it! I believe every person’s goal is to live a life that can make their children proud of them. 

Go, have many children, and make them proud of you. 

Love, 

Papa

P.S.  Always be a well-mannered person on social media.

photo by Oakst Studios

Robert Labayen is an advertising and media executive, painter, songwriter, and a cool Papa to five kids age 25 and up (including me). To read more of his inspiring articles, visit www.robertlabayen.com

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter (Dads Speak Up Series post # 2)

Only a few days to go before Father's Day! 

For the first part of my Dads Speak Up series, we had a glimpse of the joys of fatherhood, as expressed by a new dad to his little girl (read about it here). But as much as we want to, our kids cannot be little forever. So for Part 2, it is with great pleasure that I share to you this dad's letter to his "Baby Girl" who just won't stop growing up. 

Warning: You might need tissues.  

 

My Dearest Amaris,

Many people think that Father’s Day is a day to honor fathers around the world.  In a big sense, that’s right:  being a father is no easy job.  It is so easy to become a dad – many young people found that out the hard way.

But being a Father – that’s tough.  One has to be strong yet gentle;  firm yet supple.  One must be able to bend without breaking.  All for the love of the ones we call our children.

Yes, Father’s Day is, in a big way, a day to honor Fathers around the world.

But I see it differently.

To me, Father’s Day is a day for me to look back and be thankful for the very person whose presence first made me worthy of the title “Father”.  That person is YOU.

15 years ago, you came into this world, a tiny, wrinkled-yet-smooth little bundle of pure joy.  The first time your Mama and I saw you, we immediately fell in love with you, and all those feelings that come with the realization that all life as we once knew it would come to a screeching stop just came pouring down on us like a massive wall of water.  But it was a great feeling – not so much of fear or anxiety – but more so of wonder and excitement!  At that moment, we weren’t thinking of things like, diapers and milk and baby clothes.  Pre-school and tuition were the farthest from our mind.  The future was the future, and there was nothing we could do about that but prepare for it.

But at that moment, all that did not matter. All that mattered was YOU.

Baby Girl, you may be 15 years old now, but I still see you as my first daughter – my Baby.  I have watched you grow up, and every moment is still very clear in my mind:  your first steps, your first words (which was “Mama”, of course).  I watched, and sometimes joined you, when you took baths in the rain;  when you climbed your first rock wall, and threw your first ball.  I saw you put on your first school uniform, and I smile every time I see you smile when you wear it, all excited to go to school.  I laughed at your teacher’s stories of how you would take the lead in disciplining your classmates – I still laugh when I tell that story to friends and family today.

I also smile when I tell the story of the time I told you to “Stop growing up and be my Baby forever…”  You said “Okay”, then you started to cry.  When I asked what was wrong, you simply cried, “But I want to grow up!”  I told you I could never keep you from growing up no matter how much I wanted to, and said that every time I would tell you to stop growing up, all you should say was “You can’t stop me!”  It seems, you meant that about more than just growing up.

The writer with his beautiful family.

I still remember when you transferred to my Alma Mater:  I was so proud when I got the email telling Mama and I that you were accepted into the school.  When I watched you put on your green patterned skirt, I knew that my school had gotten itself a treasure.  You met new friends, and at that time you seemed just a little too small for a big school, but you walked up the steps with confidence and expectations.

I must admit, I got hurt that time when I asked if you wanted me to walk with you to your classroom and you said, “You can go now, Dada, I can take care of myself.”  I watched as you walked away towards your classroom, and I half joked that “My Baby did not need me anymore…”

Baby Girl – even today you still allow me to call you my “Baby Girl” – I thank you for coming into my life.  Into our lives.  Because of you, your Mama and I get to enjoy the privilege of being called “Parents”:  “Mother” and “Father”.  It is a privilege only your presence could bring.  And for this, we both thank you.

I was asked what I feared most about having a teenage girl like you.  I have no answer, really, because you give me nothing to fear.  Your attitude, your outlook in life, your values – they assure your Mama and I that we must be doing something right, because you are growing up to be a perfect young Lady.

I guess the closest thing I have to fear of any kind is that one day, I will have to watch you go and make a family of your own.  When you will have your own “baby girl (or boy)”.  I really do not know how I will feel when you leave us to join your husband in the future, but until then, you will always – and forever – be my Baby Girl.

So when you greet me a “Happy Father’s Day”, please know that when I say “thank you”, I say thank you not so much for the greeting, but more for having come into this world to give me the privilege and honor of becoming a Father.  I can only pray that I become worthy of that glorious title.

May I be the kind of Father to you and your sister, that God our Father is to all of us.

Love always,
Dada

Tyne Dignadice Jr.  is a Human Resources professional, motivational speaker, a full-time dad to Julia and Yannina and husband to his incredible wife Jeng.

A Letter to My Baby Girl (Dads Speak Up Series post # 1)

As we all know, June is the month that we honor the mighty men in our families -  the dads. So I've decided to do something special for this week leading to Fathers' Day. There's something really special between the bond of a dad and his little girl/s, so I asked three brilliant men, all leaders in their industries and really awesome family guys, to write a letter for their daughters. It's time to hear from the dads!

I'm so honored that these guys took time out of their busy schedules and agreed to share their innermost thoughts to us (I could feel their pride and emotions when I first read what they sent me). And they are also the very first guest bloggers in my blog, so I'm really humbled and grateful to these men. 

Let's get right to it, shall we? The first one's for the new parents.

Dear Clare,

The moment your mom and I got married, I knew that I was ready to be a father. Me wishing for a mestiza baby was even caught on our wedding film.

News about your mommy's pregnancy brought us unexplained excitement and gave us the longest nine months of anticipation. After endless readings, advice and consultations, we were ready to be parents.

On July 28, 22 hours after a premature hospital rush, we welcomed you to the world: Clare Daenerys of House Medallo.

Oh, I've never learned this much in ten months ever in my life. Having you, Clare, is like all that I have learned in my 30 years of existence compressed in a matter of months.

On our first night with you, I never stopped ringing the nurse's bell every time you pooped. I did not know how to change your diaper. Now I can change your nappy in a jiffy, only with a diaper and baby wipes in tow.

Weeks pass and I suddenly understand how parents, like your Mommy, really embody real-life superheroes. From managing sleep, work, and family (babies are a handful), to readily giving-up whatever it takes to ensure your safety and happiness. You taught me to appreciate your Lolo Dante, Lola Linda and all the other parents even more. I was very fortunate to have the best role model in Lolo Dante.

David with his mestiza daughter Clare

As your Daddy, I only want the best for you, which actually puts me in a bit of a conundrum. First, I want to give you everything that I can, but I also want you to learn about patience and working hard for what you want. Next, I want to protect you from the even the smallest risks, yet I want you to be street-smart. Lastly, I can't stand seeing you cry, but I know that dealing with disappointments and pain will be a big part of your life.

I still do not know how I will ultimately be as a Dad, but I want you to know that I will always have your best intentions first. Mine and Mommy's ways of raising you may not always be ideal parenting, but it will always be our best.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You are nothing but happiness ever since the day we found out that we will have you. Your hugs, tears, kisses and laughter gave my life a whole new realm of meaning. You are literally a wish that came true.

Clare, this I want you to always remember - I will never ever be the perfect Dad, but with God's guidance and Mommy's love and support, I will always strive to be one.

Love,
Daddy David

David Medallo is a 30-year old IT and sales professional married to his amazing wife Chiqui and a proud father to the most adorable 10-month old, Clare Daenerys, who wears 3-year old sized leggings. 

The Lessons We Teach Our Kids

We went to mass this morning, and while we were at the side of the church, I noticed that my eldest daughter was preoccupied with something. She kept picking flowers and putting them on the ground making a trail. I didn't bother asking her what she was doing as I was trying to focus on the mass. When she was done, she had a triumphant smile and said, "Jesus will be very happy." I was surprised with what she said so I asked her why, and she replied "Because I scattered flowers for him."

It took me a few minutes to realize why she had done that. I recalled reading to her the story about Jesus and the children in one of our Bible Friends books. The kids scattered flowers and waved palm branches while singing Hosanna as Jesus entered the town of Jerusalem. I knew she loved that story because there were lots of kids in the picture (and she even said, "Mommy, look! The kids are not wearing any shoes.") and it showed that Jesus was happy talking to the little children.

I couldn't help but feel a little bit of relief after that. I mean, as parents, we always wonder if we're raising our kids well. Apart from making sure they're well-fed and safe and healthy every day, we think of the things that we teach our children. We ask ourselves if we're providing them with the right lessons and experiences that they need to grow up as good, responsible and compassionate human beings.

We all have those moments. As a stay at home mom, I always ask myself if I'm teaching my kids well. Are they learning enough for their age? Should I be more proactive in teaching them how to read? Should I read to them more? Are they having too much screen time? Can they already tell good from bad? Are they learning about their faith? Should I stop them from watching Peppa Pig? 

I smiled a little and thought, "Of all the lessons that I try to teach you, anak, I'm glad that you remembered that." To make Jesus happy. We pray every night, bring them to church every week, but at the back of my mind, I wonder if my daughters understand our faith and who God is. It's a question that I still don't know the answer to, but hearing my four-year old say what she said a while ago tells me that I should explore that topic more with them.

I don't know why, but I didn't want the encounter to end with her thinking that she has to make a flower trail to make Jesus happy. So after contemplating for a few minutes, while giving her a hug, I told her, "You know what will make Jesus happy? It's when you pray and you love your sister and be good to other people." I know it's not the perfect thing to say, but I guess it's a good start.

A little while after that, our youngest daughter walked up to me and my husband, and hugged our legs and said, "I love you guys!" And I thought to myself, I don't know if I'm teaching them well all the time, but I know I taught them something good.

Motherhood Without Filters: The Truth About My Kids' OOTD

Hey fellow moms! Inspired by the latest novel that I read, My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella, I am starting a series of blog posts called Motherhood Without Filters. It's just me sharing my raw and authentic take on some parts of being a mom that are usually being augmented in social media.

Dressing up kids, especially girls, is exciting. 

I've been through several phases of it ever since my first daughter was born. There was a phase of only buying gender-neutral colored onesies, then there was the think pink season, to all dresses to no dresses (now).

Because we have been blessed to get clothes as gifts to the girls, and we get an endless supply of hand-me-downs from relatives, we rarely buy clothes for the two. But buying is just half the battle. From the moment Nash learned to choose her clothes, there has been a constant power struggle between us.

It usually starts out with me having an outfit planned out for her to wear, but it always ends up with her choosing what clothes to put on. With Kawaii, it's still easy because she's only two years old. 

On the rare occasion that they actually like to pose. Quick story on this photo, their jackets are also hand me downs from their boy cousins in the US. They lent us these coats because it was too cold for the girls. Now it looks like the girls wore something edgy on purpose.

On the slim chance that I get to pick, here are two rules that I adhere to in dressing my kids up:

1. They should always be comfortable. My daughters are not fans of the phrase "tiis-ganda." Even if they would look smashing in it, they are not to wear those frilly dresses or cute denim jumpers on a humid day,  and we eventually cut all the tags inside our kids clothes because it makes them feel itchy.

2. Dress them up as kids. My brother once told me, "Wag mo pagsuotin si Nash ng mga pang-dalaga na. (Don't dress Nash up like a teenager)" It's actually sensible advice. When she's all grown up, she's free to experiment on trends, but right now, she'll dress up as a little princess - if she wants to. She can be as playful and as colorful as she wants with her outfits. I don't want her looking like a miniature adult in earth tones just so she would look hip, and people would think I'm a cool mom.

So this is what they usually wear, aka their OOTD on a regular basis:

• Pastel-colored sando tops from Divisoria (3 for 100, if I'm not mistaken). Breezy enough to be worn at home, or can be dressed up with pants, shorts or a tutu skirt.   
  
•   My kids have taken to their father in the sense that the most expensive item in their wardrobe is their footwear. Since we hardly buy any clothes for the girls, we buy them nice comfortable shoes. Nash loves her Mini Mels (I buy from Applesandpopcorn on Instagram) so I get her one or two pairs and she uses it for the whole year, and their Lola also buys them Crocs for everyday wear. Lately, she's been pairing it with everything. Good quality shoes are a worthy investment for us, since Kawaii can wear the shoes when her big sister outgrows it.
• Garterized dresses. My mom buys these cute little dresses for the girls from Divi or a bazaar stall in SM. She gets it for 50 to 100 pesos and it comes in different designs. Kawaii looks like a doll when she wears them. Nash isn't too keen about wearing dresses lately so she pairs her tops with shorts or leggings, also from the same supplier. 
  
• Character shirts. My Little Pony, Trolls and a whole lot of Frozen (shirts, leggings, hoodies!). Because, why not? Just let them be kids. 
• Hand-me-downs. We're lucky our relatives have such a good eye for fashion ;) I happily wore hand me downs from my aunts when I was a kid, until I turned 12 and grew taller than all of them and my feet was bigger than theirs. I let my girls wear pre-loved clothes for the reason that kids grow up so quickly and at the rate they're going, my girls will probably be like me.

Twinning is always cute. Wearing pretty preloved clothes from their aunts.

I must admit, I still consider myself a fashion mom. I have a Pinterest board named "My Girl's Lookbook," where I keep track of nice dresses, shirts with catchy phrases (I'm a sucker for those) and outfits that I fancy for my daughters. I also follow some moms on Instagram who sell cute outfits for kids. I actually admire those women who have turned their penchant for their children's fashion into a profitable business.

But as with everything, I think of the message that I'm sending to my girls. Do I imply that they need to dress a certain way for them to be liked and accepted? That we give much emphasis on their looks and outer appearance? At the same time, I don't want them to think that they can get away with being sloppy and messy and not taking care of their bodies. 

As a mom, my goal is not for my daughters to land a spot in a "10 Kids Who Dress Better Than You" spread. I'd like to think I still have the advantage, what with dressing myself up for the past 30 years and knowing that plain tops go with printed bottoms and vice versa, at least for five more years. 

My goal is to teach my kids to express themselves through their clothing. And that they should always be comfortable in what they wear.  

I used to put too much pressure on my daughter to wear the clothes I laid out for her, especially on special occasions, but now I learned to give in and accept when she resists my choices. I also learned to respect them when they refuse to pose for a decent #OOTD shot (picking my battles, they call it).

But, as nicely summarized by an essay from blogger Lauren Jimeson, "What My Kids Wear (or Don't Wear) Is None of Your Business." Just keep in mind that we want our kids' clothes to reflect who they are, not who we are, or how we want other people to see us. 

 

Motherhood Without Filters: What My Kids Did Last Summer

Hey fellow moms! Inspired by the latest novel that I read, My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella, I am starting a series of blog posts called Motherhood Without Filters. It's just me sharing my raw and authentic take on some parts of being a mom that are usually being augmented in social media. 

What did your kids do last summer? (Or what are your kids doing this summer?)

That's a question that moms like to ask each other in play groups or a social setting.  It's as if we're all expected to have some sort of epic plan for our kids for the vacation season to be considered good parents.

Looking at my Facebook and Instagram feeds, I noticed that two things monopolize moms' social media posts during this period - a summer getaway (in Pinoy speak, outing) and enrolling in summer workshops. It's like these two belong to an imaginary checklist that moms subject themselves to, to prove that their kids had a productive time away from school. 

Let's talk about the summer getaways. I think all parents want their kids to be well-traveled. We cannot argue with the benefits that traveling has for our little one's holistic growth, and the most convenient time to bring them to different places would probably be during summer, when they won't have to worry about missing school. But what if we don't have that much time to plan or don't have enough resources for an out of town trip?

Hubby and I wanted to bring our daughters to Hong Kong Disneyland this month, but we decided against it for financial and practical reasons. I was starting to sulk inside and feel sorry for my kids for missing the opportunity to see their favorite princesses again, but then I read a blog in Huffington Post entitled, "We Have FOMO For Our Children and It Needs to Stop," and I was somehow reminded of our priorities as parents.

"If you want to go on fancy vacations and you can afford it, then do it. It’ll be fun. But please don’t feel like your kid is missing out. There is no official list of things they must do or see in order to have a good childhood," the author said.

"But we don’t have to try to pack an entire lifetime of experiences into 18 years. Our job, our real job, is to make our kids feel safe and loved. That’s it." 

Collecting flowers in the garden.

So rather than stressing ourselves out, trying to find a way for the HK trip to be a go, we agreed not to push through with it and instead save up for a family vacation in December. In the meantime, we brought the girls to the village playground and they enjoyed it. Our eldest adopted a little kitten with her older cousin  and the our youngest showed prowess by going up and down the slide on her own. They were already happy with simple things like that.

Also, as much as I adore those Instagram photos of kids in their cute baby-kinis and giant inflatables, the truth is that my youngest daughter hates swimming. She squirmed for the whole two minutes she was in the pool when we had a quick staycation in early April, so none of those swimming photos of Kawaii on my feed.

Another fun activity that we did - we gave them a bath outside.  Using only a garden hose, a plastic bath tub and a big enough planggana, the girls had a lot of fun splashing about.

Then you have the summer workshops. Ballet, dance, taekwondo, voice lessons, there's actually a lot to choose from nowadays. Even archery and Ninja Academy. I can see why moms spend a good amount of money for these lessons. Anything to help our little ones achieve their fullest potential. In fact, it's actually a very good way to make sure our kids are being productive and also developing their talents and interpersonal skills.

I was pregnant with my eldest when I read Amy Chua's book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." From then on, I promised that my child would have all the resources she needs to thrive in life. That includes different kinds of extracurricular activities and lessons every summer. We planned to sign her up for ballet a few months ago, but that didn't quite work out (location, schedule, budget, and we didn't want her two year old sister to feel left out). Maybe next year.

So, no summer workshops. But that doesn't mean we spent all our days wandering aimlessly at home. In fact, we did all sorts of fun (and cheap) activities.

As much as I wanted to teach my girls how to bake, the kitchen was a mess (we're renovating) and the weather was probably telling me to stay away from the oven for now. Instead, we made some frozen desserts using their favorite ingredients that are already in the pantry.

So excited for her popsicles.

Enjoying her corn and cheese popsicle. Recipe here.

Two-step frozen yogurt popsicles.

 Speaking of available ...

We bought Nash a toy scooter last year but she didn't really express much interest in learning how to ride it. It was just sitting in the room, gathering dust, until maybe last month when she told us that she wanted to practice riding on her scooter. And she did. She gives it a go a few times a day and now she already knows how to ride it.  We didn't even need to buy her expensive new instruments or sports gear for her to learn something new.

I wasn't able to enroll Nash to a dance workshop, but since March, she's been busting her moves in front of the TV while watching zumba videos on Youtube. It's amazing how she improves every week. Does that count as being self-taught? One day, her Lola invited a dance instructor to come to the house to teach her some dance steps. Nash wasn't interested and said, "My family can teach me how to dance."

I'm not saying that having a plan like going on an out of town trip or enrolling your kids to summer workshop isn't a good idea. It's just that if you don't have the means for it, there are alternatives to those activities. And if you fear that your kids missed out on a good summer experience because they didn't go somewhere exotic (or even Kidzania) or did not participate in any recital the past two months, stop. They will be okay. There is no checklist.

"Not all of the experiences that develop your child’s character can be found on a list of 101 Amazing Things Your Kids Must Do Before They Grow Up. Maybe the things that end up shaping your kids’ lives will be cheaper, closer to home, and in a word, ordinary." said the author of the blog I mentioned above.

Summer is almost over for us Pinay moms. School season starts in a few weeks. Let's make the most of it and create memories with the little ones.

Here's to Us, Moms Who Try

Moms are often categorized depending on their situation or preferences on how they raise their children. There are OC moms, freestyling moms (I usually fall under this category), breastfeeding moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, single moms, the list goes on. And while it's true that there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motherhood and our parenting approach, there is one thing we all have in common: WE ALL TRY.

 

From the moment our kids were born, we haven't stopped trying.

We try to nourish them the best way we can. We breastfeed them, even though we know within the first latch that it is going to be painful and uncomfortable. We strive to make healthy lunches and snacks and make our kids try even just one bite.

We try to discipline our children. We try to make sure they've learned their lesson without traumatizing them. To find the balance between being firm and being compassionate. We try to keep our cool even though inside we already want to explode. 

Working moms try to secure the future of their kids, even if it means spending time apart. Stay-at-home moms sacrifice their careers to nurture their children, and try to attend to their every need. Single moms try to give their kids a happy family by taking on the role of mother and father. 

We try to shield them from all the hurt, pain and bad things in this world. We try to protect them as much as we can, but also, try to let go of them a little to give them room to grow. 

We try to stay fit. We keep pushing, keep running on the treadmill, and try to squeeze in a quick workout no matter how busy we are just to see a semblance of that post-baby body back. We try to stay healthy and feel beautiful, for our children, our husband and most especially for ourselves.

And despite having our hands full with motherhood, we still try to be a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend. 

We try to make the world a better place for our kids. We stand up with other women against bullying, sexism, racism and do our part so that our children can have a kinder place to live in. 

We try even though we're scared. We try even though we're really, really tired. 

There are times when it may even seem like we're trying too hard. When we feel like we're not cut out for this job.

But I realized, isn't trying a good thing to teach our kids? What's one thing all successful people have in common? They persevered. They tried and tried to achieve something, to get where they are today. Because if they didn't even try and still end up with everything they want, that isn't success. That's entitlement. I want to teach my kids to try, experience failure at some point, but continue to strive and then feel that exhilaration when they've finally accomplished something. 

We try every single day to give our best to our kids. There are times that we fall short. Many times we feel like quitting, but we don't. We get up and we keep trying. We keep trying because we love them. That's what makes us a good mother. 

So on this day that is meant to recognize our contribution to society, I realized that the dedication that we put into trying and not giving up for our family is something worth celebrating.

Today, I pray for wisdom to envision our dreams for ourselves and for our families, courage to pursue it, patience to persevere amidst challenges and grace to face failure without breaking our spirit. 

Happy Mother's Day to us, beautiful trying moms!