A few weeks ago, Koks and I celebrated our seventh year anniversary. It's amazing how time goes by. I can still remember being giddy like a high school girl and having butterflies in my tummy as we approached our wedding day.
In marriage, there's a term called the seven-year itch. According to Wikipedia, the seven-year itch is a psychological term suggesting that happiness in a relationship declines after around the seventh year of marriage, and studies show that it's an ongoing reality for most couples today.
I can't say that there's no truth to that statement, but as we approach the dreaded number, I don't feel at all that our marriage is going on a downward spiral. In fact, I think it's the happiest we've ever been. While we certainly experienced the honeymoon stage with us living together in a different country in our first two years, I think the past five years also had some merits. We learned to navigate our relationship as we welcomed our first child, and then another. Now we're a small family with our two darling girls.
While we don't claim to be experts when it comes to marriage, being husband and wife for seven years (together for more than 10 years) and talking to some married couples in our circle, we certainly learned some lessons to make our bond stronger and enjoy a happier life together. Allow me to share some with you:
Disclaimer: The hubster approved of this post, so it's safe to say that he agrees with the points below.
Keep dating each other.
Even when you don't have money. Even if the kids don't have nannies. They don't have to be expensive. Koks and I are masters of the Netflix and Chill theme. What sets the mood? Large fries and monster float from McDonalds (24-hour delivery for the win!).
Accept who you are as a couple (and individuals).
When we were starting out, I had a lot of expectations for us as a married couple. I wanted the works. Getting married meant having the freedom to do what we want, and I wanted to be the type of couple who dresses up and goes out for drinks with our friends on a Friday night. But as it turns out, that's not who we are. My husband hated going to bars because of the smoke and he likes to go to bed early. And he knows I'm not the type who thrives in a big group setting. I may have married Mr. Congeniality, but the introvert in me retreats when there's too many people to socialize with.
We also belong to a Catholic group for married couples, and for a while, I didn't want us to be too associated with the community. I didn't want our other friends to tag us as goody-goody and "boring." But through our service, our faith grew along with our relationship. Now we're very proud to say that we're serving the Lord through Couples for Christ. I don't think anchoring our marriage to God makes us any less fun than our other coupled friends.
Support each other's passion.
My husband's friends and teammates know how much I support him in his love for basketball. When we didn't have kids yet, I'd watch him at every practice and now, our girls know that our weekend activities include us coming to their Tatay's games and cheer for him from the sidelines. I even mastered the ancient art of breastfeeding our little one on the bleachers while keeping score.
On the other hand, I feel happy whenever I see Koks sharing my blog posts to his friends and his feed on social media. He knows writing is important to me, so he gives me enough space and privacy to express my thoughts on my blog. He's also obliged to complete a three-year journal of our life together. He thinks it's time-consuming, but he does it with me anyway.
Have a support group (and it doesn't include in-laws!)
Yes, we still have our own set of friends (it's healthy to keep them), but we also have a set of common friends who knew us from waaay back. These are our old friends in Youth For Christ, and our household prayer group in CFC. They know us as individuals and as a couple so they're more likely to be neutral when it comes to discussions. Like us, most of them are also married and belong to the community so we know we can confide in each other and pray for each other's concerns. The talks and activities that we attended from the CFC Young Couples' Program also helped us navigate our way to being a newly married couple.
And while we have nothing against our in-laws (we're so blessed to be one of those couples who have no in-law drama), we believe it's healthy not to discuss our marital problems with them and keep a united front as a couple. We know that they will always have our backs though.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
My husband and I have our own quirks and ways of really getting in each other's nerves, but we try to let go of those little things that bother us and focus on the things that make us like and love each other. Remember, it's better to be happy than to be right. It's better to love than to be right.
Find a way to laugh together.
A lot of our female friends have asked me what it's like to be married to somebody who's so funny. I tell them, of course, it's great! But it's tough too because life is not funny all the time. And when funny guys get serious, you know better than joke around with them. But for the most part, it really is a blessing to find someone you can laugh with, and who will make you laugh for the silliest reasons. No one else can get me in stitches like my husband does. I think it's why even though our marriage is soon to hit the decade mark, I still feel young and optimistic about things.
A few weeks ago, a priest said in his homily, "Couples for Christ na sila pero nag-aaway pa." It's a pet peeve that Koks and I both share, but we kept a straight face throughout the mass. Being part of the community doesn't make us any more perfect than other couples out there. Of course I still fight with my husband. Only him and our family have the license to drive me mad (with others, I could care less). But it's normal. We get in each other's nerves, argue about it, come up with a solution and pray about it. Some fights last longer than others, but we still stay together and work on it as partners.
In marriage, there's a term called the seven-year itch. According to Wikipedia, the seven-year itch is a psychological term suggesting that happiness in a relationship declines after around the seventh year of marriage, and studies show that it's an ongoing reality for most couples today.
I can't say that there's no truth to that statement, but as we approach the dreaded number, I don't feel at all that our marriage is going on a downward spiral. In fact, I think it's the happiest we've ever been. While we certainly experienced the honeymoon stage with us living together in a different country in our first two years, I think the past five years also had some merits. We learned to navigate our relationship as we welcomed our first child, and then another. Now we're a small family with our two darling girls.
While we don't claim to be experts when it comes to marriage, being husband and wife for seven years (together for more than 10 years) and talking to some married couples in our circle, we certainly learned some lessons to make our bond stronger and enjoy a happier life together. Allow me to share some with you:
Disclaimer: The hubster approved of this post, so it's safe to say that he agrees with the points below.
Keep dating each other.
Even when you don't have money. Even if the kids don't have nannies. They don't have to be expensive. Koks and I are masters of the Netflix and Chill theme. What sets the mood? Large fries and monster float from McDonalds (24-hour delivery for the win!).
Accept who you are as a couple (and individuals).
When we were starting out, I had a lot of expectations for us as a married couple. I wanted the works. Getting married meant having the freedom to do what we want, and I wanted to be the type of couple who dresses up and goes out for drinks with our friends on a Friday night. But as it turns out, that's not who we are. My husband hated going to bars because of the smoke and he likes to go to bed early. And he knows I'm not the type who thrives in a big group setting. I may have married Mr. Congeniality, but the introvert in me retreats when there's too many people to socialize with.
We also belong to a Catholic group for married couples, and for a while, I didn't want us to be too associated with the community. I didn't want our other friends to tag us as goody-goody and "boring." But through our service, our faith grew along with our relationship. Now we're very proud to say that we're serving the Lord through Couples for Christ. I don't think anchoring our marriage to God makes us any less fun than our other coupled friends.
Support each other's passion.
My husband's friends and teammates know how much I support him in his love for basketball. When we didn't have kids yet, I'd watch him at every practice and now, our girls know that our weekend activities include us coming to their Tatay's games and cheer for him from the sidelines. I even mastered the ancient art of breastfeeding our little one on the bleachers while keeping score.
On the other hand, I feel happy whenever I see Koks sharing my blog posts to his friends and his feed on social media. He knows writing is important to me, so he gives me enough space and privacy to express my thoughts on my blog. He's also obliged to complete a three-year journal of our life together. He thinks it's time-consuming, but he does it with me anyway.
Have a support group (and it doesn't include in-laws!)
Yes, we still have our own set of friends (it's healthy to keep them), but we also have a set of common friends who knew us from waaay back. These are our old friends in Youth For Christ, and our household prayer group in CFC. They know us as individuals and as a couple so they're more likely to be neutral when it comes to discussions. Like us, most of them are also married and belong to the community so we know we can confide in each other and pray for each other's concerns. The talks and activities that we attended from the CFC Young Couples' Program also helped us navigate our way to being a newly married couple.
And while we have nothing against our in-laws (we're so blessed to be one of those couples who have no in-law drama), we believe it's healthy not to discuss our marital problems with them and keep a united front as a couple. We know that they will always have our backs though.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
My husband and I have our own quirks and ways of really getting in each other's nerves, but we try to let go of those little things that bother us and focus on the things that make us like and love each other. Remember, it's better to be happy than to be right. It's better to love than to be right.
Find a way to laugh together.
A lot of our female friends have asked me what it's like to be married to somebody who's so funny. I tell them, of course, it's great! But it's tough too because life is not funny all the time. And when funny guys get serious, you know better than joke around with them. But for the most part, it really is a blessing to find someone you can laugh with, and who will make you laugh for the silliest reasons. No one else can get me in stitches like my husband does. I think it's why even though our marriage is soon to hit the decade mark, I still feel young and optimistic about things.
Accept that your partner have changed or can change.
I realized that relationships fall apart when the parties are not open to change. There are things about me or Koks that are not what they used to be, but it doesn't mean that our marriage is doomed to fail. We learned to love each other as is, and not our closed idea of how our spouse used to be. As long as it's not destructive or abusive, we welcome change. Instead of being frustrated about it, we see it as a challenge to find new ways to show our love to each other. "How do I love you more than I loved you before?"
Bonus for wives: submit to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22).
In this modern, women-empowering world, it's easy to dismiss this advice. But for me, being submissive doesn't mean playing dumb while your husband makes all the decisions. It's about giving him enough respect and trust to lead your family. It's about not always being quick to judge his mistakes and decisions, and stepping in when problems arise but always being supportive and compassionate and prayerful, and trust that he will find solutions. Ladies, let your husband commit mistakes (mistakes, not sins). Trust me, they will learn the hard way.
In our years of being married, being submissive to my husband led to him becoming more responsible and sensitive to my needs. He also values my opinions more and includes me in decision-making. It also led to me worrying less about things that I have no control over.
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| Year One |
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| Year Seven |
A few weeks ago, a priest said in his homily, "Couples for Christ na sila pero nag-aaway pa." It's a pet peeve that Koks and I both share, but we kept a straight face throughout the mass. Being part of the community doesn't make us any more perfect than other couples out there. Of course I still fight with my husband. Only him and our family have the license to drive me mad (with others, I could care less). But it's normal. We get in each other's nerves, argue about it, come up with a solution and pray about it. Some fights last longer than others, but we still stay together and work on it as partners.
I realized that we still have a lot to learn from other couples who are married longer than we have been, and from each other as well. But as long as we keep learning and laughing together, I know we're on the right track. We may not be the poster couple for a perfect marriage, but God has joined us together because we're perfect for each other.
I know it takes more than a few tips to solve every marital woe in the world, but I hope couples reading this have picked up a thing or two about enriching your married life.
I know it takes more than a few tips to solve every marital woe in the world, but I hope couples reading this have picked up a thing or two about enriching your married life.
To my husband, thanks for sharing your life with me. If there's any itch in our relationship, it's probably me, itching to spend the rest of my life with you, fulfilling our dreams and watching God's plan for us unfold. Here's to the next seven, seventy-seven and seven hundred years with you. Happy Anniversary!
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