Thank You Lord, for the Grace You Give Me Through My Kids

About a month ago, I was having a terrible migraine. 

It was after supper, but I noticed that my kids still had a ton of energy, so I told my two girls not to make so much noise as I was having a headache and was not feeling well. Then without any prodding, they took charge and started taking care of me. 

They tucked me in bed, made sure I had my pillows and gave me a glass of water. They even put a bell on my bedside so I could summon them if I needed something. They got my phone because they knew looking at it would make my migraine worse. They texted their Tatay (who was working then) that I was sick and told me to take a nap. My eight-year-old even kept an eye on her two-year-old brother while I was resting.  

The first thing I felt when my girls were taking care of me was pride. I remember thinking, "They're so awesome!" They showed compassion for me when I was sick, and have been really capable that night.

The next thing was guilt. I can't believe they were taking care of me. I didn't deserve it. 

I wasn't exactly the nicest to them those past couple of days. My patience was running on a short fuse and I snapped at them over the smallest things - not brushing their hair, not paying attention to their lessons (we homeschool), my eldest teasing her younger sister - the usual things that get to my mom-nerves. 

But there they were, trying to make me feel better. And I felt bad because I didn't deserve it. I was such a mean mom to them. And then it came to me - GRACE. 

Photo from Canva

I Googled "What is grace," and I came up with a lot of secular and Biblical phrases that defined it, mostly being "a virtue coming from God," and "an undeserved favor." But my favorite one, which surprisingly came from Wikipedia is "the love and mercy given to us by God because He desires us to have it, not necessarily because of anything we have done to earn it."

I remembered the times my kids gave me a hug after I got mad at them. I didn't even have to say I'm sorry. The times they showed me favor even when I didn't ask for it.  How many times they wrote, "Best Mom in the World" even when I'm a hundred percent sure I'm not. My kids showed me grace, and I couldn't take any credit for it. That didn't come from me, and even though he is a real stand-up guy, I don't think they got it from their father either. 

That grace I think they had, all kids had when they were born. Perfect grace ... and it came from above. 

I know us parents are the models of grace here on earth (I mean, can you even count the times your own mother forgave you and showed you love when you felt like the worst person on earth?), but our kids, man, they're just natural givers of grace. They don't even know they're bursting with it. And for that, I'm so thankful to God. 

My two caregivers ... and grace-givers.

I have learned so much about grace by being a mother. Not because I'm always giving it, but because I know how it feels like to be on the receiving end of something that is pure and unconditional. I don't deserve it, but it is given to me every time and without measure.

I pray that my kids will always have this amount of grace to give and receive from other people as well. I also pray that life doesn't hurt them bad enough that they stop giving it. And lastly, I pray that I become a better model and giver of grace to my kids and to other people in this lifetime.

7 Ways to Cultivate Resiliency in Your Children

 

Unless you live in a bubble, chances are you have already faced adversity. We are all going to experience pain and struggles at one point in our lives, and as much as we want to shield them, our children are not exempted from it. But it doesn’t mean that they are expected to lead a miserable life. While we cannot always protect them from getting hurt, defeated or rejected, we can help our kids learn how to be resilient and bounce back or from painful experiences and difficulties.

The Oxford Dictionary defined resiliency as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. In 1997, Dr. Paul Stoltz coined the term Adversity Quotient in his book, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities. As the name implies, adversity quotient is a person’s ability to deal with setbacks and difficulties in his life.  According to Stoltz, it is something that is hardwired inside of us. But if that's the case, how come some people are able to come out almost unscathed while others feel so hopeless when things get tough?

Now more than ever, it’s very important to raise children who are resilient and cultivate a mindset where they can adapt, cope and succeed regardless if life throws them some curve balls.

The American Academy of Pediatrics together with Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician specializing in Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, wrote a book called A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings. There, they identified the 7 Cs of resiliency to provide a guideline for parents on the essential factors that are needed when it comes to helping children become resilient.

·       Competence – Having the ability and the skills to respond to situations effectively.

·       Confidence – Believing in one’s capabilities to do the right thing.

·       Connection – Having solid ties with someone who gives them a sense of security and safety in any circumstance.

·       Character – Having a sense of right and wrong to be able to make sound decisions, and contribute to society by being part of the solution.

·       Contribution – Being able to chip in gives them a sense of purpose and motivates them to rise above adversity.

·       Coping – Being able to accept the situation and knowing how to respond to it positively.

·        Control – Knowing that they are in charge of their actions and decisions and that they have the ability to bounce back. 

Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

With that in mind, here are some ways to cultivate resiliency in your child:

·       Strengthening your emotional connection.

Let your child know that he has somebody he can count on to share his feelings without being judged or ridiculed. For kids, the best way to show them you care is by spending time with them. Go on walks to the park, play with his favorite toy, or read a book together. Let him know that you’re there when he needs you.

You can also encourage him to build his relationships with his siblings, grandparents or friends. This shows him that he has people he can depend on that will support him.

 

·       Teach him problem-solving skills.

As parents, it’s natural for us to want to protect our child. But it will not help him if we’re always there to “save the day.”

When your child is faced with a difficult situation, resist the urge to step in and fix the problem. Instead of providing the answers, ask questions and let him find a way to solve the issue.  Recognizing that he is capable of handling the situation will boost his confidence.

 

·       Let him make mistakes … and learn from them.

Sometimes our kids are too sheltered and entitled that they get so anxious when something goes wrong or fails. We may have been giving them this impression when we focus too much on the end result (for example, acing a test or winning in sports).

Let us step away from that mind frame of perfection and show our children that failure is a part of growth. Allow your child to make mistakes, learn from that mistake and use it as a challenge to bounce back and to move forward.

 

Photo by Randy Lobiano

·       Laugh together.

Laughter is a coping mechanism that has a lot of benefits: it connects you to people, reduces anxiety, releases anger or stress and strengthens the immune system.

When life gets unbearable, humor allows us to not take ourselves too seriously.

In experiencing difficulty or defeat, encourage your child to take a step back and laugh at himself for losing or being wrong. This will help lighten his mood and remind him that this situation is not permanent and he can recover from it.

 

·       Encourage him to participate in sports.

Aside from the physical benefits that it presents, taking part in any kind of sports exposes your child to difficulties and setbacks, promotes quick-thinking and trains him to respond to moderate levels of stress.

Playing sports can also boost your child’s confidence and build his character by teaching him valuable lessons like teamwork and sportsmanship – learning how to gracefully accept defeat. Moreover, being part of a team will help him realize that his actions will affect other people and the outcome of the game.

 

·       Practice gratitude.

Instead of dwelling on negative feelings like loss or difficulties, being grateful shifts our focus on the positive things.

When things start going on a downward spiral, reframe your child’s thoughts and tell him to think of the things that he should be thankful for, including the lessons that he learned after solving a problem or overcoming a difficulty.

As a family, get in the habit of saying three things that you are grateful for that day. Practicing this every day will help your kid appreciate what he has rather than what he has lost.

 

·        Teach him to evaluate his actions.

According to Dr. Lucy Hone, co-director at the New Zealand Institute of Well-being & Resilience and author of the book Resilient Grieving, by asking yourself whether the next step will be beneficial or harmful to you, you’re putting yourself back in the driver’s seat. You’re taking control of your emotions.

So when your child is faced with difficulty or adversity, ask him what his next step is, then pose the question: “Will doing that help you or harm you?” That will help him take charge of the situation and make a decision that is favorable to him.

Whether it’s a failing grade in school, rejection by peers or losing a loved one or pet, children are not immune to pain and suffering. But it’s up to us if we will let these traumatic circumstances scar them for life, or equip them with the skills to deal with adversity, to bounce back and face these challenges head-on.

Homeschool, Here We Come!

 

This year,  one of my kids will be homeschooled.

I spent the past months preparing for homeschool; finding a good accredited homeschool provider for my eldest, completing requirements and turning my husband’s workstation into a classroom, complete with all the visuals and Montessori toys (salamat, Shopee). With better lighting, I think papasa na rin sa Pinterest. 

 

For the physical and logistical part, I can say we’re ready. But mentally and emotionally, I’m still anxious. I don’t think I can ever be as prepared with the important part - being my daughters’ teacher.

I never wanted to be a teacher. 

 

Okay, post-college, I imagined myself donning preppy preschool teacher’s clothes, but that’s about it. And once upon a time, when I was pregnant with my first child, I dreamed of homeschooling my children when they reach the school age. But the illusion that I could be the type of mom I read about vanished the moment the baby came out and now my husband and I are outnumbered three to two, so I thought I would never give homeschool a try. I can’t be a teacher. 

 

Don’t get me wrong. I have high regard for the profession. Both of my grandmothers were

educators (they were both public school district supervisors in their respective provinces). I have a lot of aunts and cousins who are teachers. My best friend is an excellent educator as well. So I have big respect for those who teach. I absolutely adore my kids’ past teachers. I actually consider teaching a vocation, just one that is not mine. I don’t think I have the patience for that. 

 

Then “Covid-19 happened.” And physical schools are temporarily out of the picture. I was then forced to revisit this “impossible dream” that I thought had already been put to rest - the idea of homeschooling my kids. I thought and prayed long and hard about it. There were a lot of doubts and questions in my mind:

 

Can I really do it?

Do I know enough to teach?

My kids were doing great in their previous schools. Am I doing them a disservice by putting their education in my hands?

Am I even qualified? I don’t have any teaching credentials.

How will our schedule look like? Aside from my two girls, I still have a clingy two-year old to take care of.

Will I have the patience to be my strong-headed daughter’s teacher?

Can I really do it? (yes, I repeated it, and 100 times more)?

 

But as I was reminded a few days ago, we may have been in challenging circumstances because of the pandemic, but deciding to homeschool my child was not an accident. The Lord planted that desire in my heart eight years ago, and stirred it within me again now. I could have opted to stay in my comfort zone and go for distance learning, but maybe He led us here because He has a different plan for me and my daughters this year. 

 

Like so many moms that are new to homeschooling, I still have a lot of doubts and questions in my head. But I’m welcoming it with open arms and I’m eager to know the answers and overcome it as we go along. “Today is a great day to learn something new,” I wrote in my repurposed blackboard (just saw that quote on Pinterest). 

 

I know our homeschooling journey will not be perfect, but it will be a way for me to connect with my child. I also can’t wait to see how it affects our whole dynamics as a family.

 

Okay, so here we go. Wish me luck. I'll need it. 

Defining Your Family's New Normal

 Day 23 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine. And it seems like we're not seeing the end of the tunnel yet.

By now, we’re all already used to being at home the whole day (I’ve been used to it for a while, being a stay-at-home mom) and the novelty of it has probably worn out. Same goes for our kids. They have probably adjusted to their new schedule and to the routine we’ve established for them during this period.

For me, a mom to little kids (from toddler to school-age), this whole lockdown was quite a curveball. Some of you parents may agree. Just when we thought we got parenting figured out, this happens. And again we’re at a loss on what to do. Do we parent in panic mode and traumatize our children for the rest of their lives? Do we try to be normal and attempt to imitate the classroom setting, to ensure our children’s learning continues, since the school year wasn’t actually finished? Do we try homeschooling, unschooling and all those fancy parenting styles we read on the internet?

We’re again faced with the decision and responsibility of explaining the gravity of the situation to our children without instilling (or transferring our) fear. 

Such is parenting in the time of Corona. Our days are filled with anxiety and uncertainty. Going to the supermarket, a task we’ve mastered before now seems like a dangerous chore. We worry about our family, our community as the number of COVID cases rises every day. Yet we still try to spark hope and reach out to our frontliners, and teach our children to do the same. All of these while sounding like a broken record reminding everyone in our household to wash their hands.

And whether we like it or not, what is happening right now will affect our children’s lives in the future.   

Here comes the "silver lining:" We are now given the chance (and for some, the extra time) to change our children’s future. Being at home and being around us mean we can teach them things first hand. We can be available to them, to answer their questions and spark their curiosity. 

Photo by Christopher Ivanov on Unsplash

So if this is the new normal, and we’re building this new way of life for our kids, what attitude and beliefs would you like to be part of it? 

Personally, these are the things that I do NOT want my kids to consider as normal:

• Social distancing and quarantine. Or the lack of freedom. I want to go to the supermarket without having to wear a spacesuit, and worrying if the can of pork and beans I touched will make me sick. I want to be able to meet up with my friends and give my niece a hug. I want my kids to be able to play in the park again and go to the beach.
• Being paranoid with the people around me. I know I’m a “praning mom” and I’ve always warned my children about stranger danger, but I still don’t want them to live in a world where they are always anxious and suspicious. I want them to be carefree and trusting and see the good in people, instead of always looking for warning signs for anyone they meet.
• Hoarding. And people being selfish just because they can. Kids should know that there are plenty of blessings to go around. They should not keep taking just because they have the means, while others are left with nothing.

And if they aren’t yet, these SHOULD be part of the new normal:

• Practicing proper hygiene. Constant hand washing, taking a bath after coming from a public place.
• Praying together as a family. Praying for those who are not part of your social circle.
• Being a good citizen and following the law.
• Being mindful and considerate of others. People now know the importance of staying home when you’re sick, and not touching babies and old people.
• Respect for personal space. Maintaining a safe distance doesn’t mean you’re being a snob or “maselan.” It means you just want yourself and others to feel comfortable.
• Compassion for others. Sending out thank you notes to your doctor, get well soon cards and food to sick people should always be a part of the norm.
• Respect for those who make life easier for us. Not just our doctors and nurses, but also the supermarket attendants, delivery guys, cleaners and street sweepers.
• Respect for teachers. Okay, so it seems homeschooling is not for everyone. We should really honor the teachers for their dedication and the PATIENCE they have for our children. After this pandemic, we should all agree to give them higher pay and better working conditions.
• Respect for those who stay at home. If you’re reading this and you’re fed and safe (and without children constantly distracting you), thank your mom. Or your wife. Our work is REAL and running a tight ship isn’t easy. Now you know why we need a break, even if we “just stay at home.”
• Freedom of speech. I’m not the type to be political, but as Princess Jasmine sang, “I won’t be silenced.” If you raised your kids right, then you shouldn’t be afraid if they want to use their voice. Having a different opinion or questioning their leaders doesn’t make them ungrateful or unpatriotic.  So pay attention to your children. Raise them well so they only know how to speak the truth and they have the integrity to back their words with actions

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Some say we will never go back to the way it was before; we shouldn’t. 

And what we do today as parents, as citizens, as human beings will create a new normal for our children. So we should do our best to make sure we won’t have to say sorry to them in the future.

May we all emerge wiser, stronger and kinder after this pandemic.

Teach These Four Healthy Habits to Your Kids

Photo by Valeria Ushakova from Pexels

As parents, our ultimate goal is the safety and well-being of our children. We consult our doctors, read parenting books and exhaust all possible resources to make sure we’re doing the right things. And doing everything for them is not enough. We must be able to instill in our kids important lessons that they will remember and use throughout their lives.

With all the different parenting styles emerging and new information available out there, it can be pretty confusing to determine which things we should prioritize teaching our kids. But when it comes to health, there are some habits that are universally deemed as important. Being a parent myself, I’ve found that there are four main things that I should follow and implement to ensure my children’s well-being and prevent them from being sick.

Whether you read it on a website or consult a health practitioner, these four healthy habits always make the cut:

Drinking a lot of water

 

From blood circulation and cell growth to proper digestion and supporting the immune system, it’s a universal truth that our bodies would not function well without water. Dehydration or the lack of water in the body has serious health risks such as heat stroke, urinary and kidney problems, even headaches and constipation.

Educate your kid with the importance of drinking water and train him to make it his go-to drink. At six months, babies are allowed a little bit of water to go with their solids. So before you introduce juices and other sugary drinks in his diet, make sure that he has a good habit of drinking water first. Teach him to drink one glass of water after every meal. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) also recommends drinking a glass of water before, during and after any physical activity to replace the fluids that were lost, and even more in hot, humid weather conditions.

Being physically active

 

Exercise has so many beneficial effects on our children’s bodies including improvement of their mental and emotional health, sharpening their motor skills, strengthening bones and muscles, and lowering the risk of life-threatening illnesses like diabetes and heart disease.

The AAP recommends at least 60 minutes of physical activity for children ages 6 and up. But as early as age 1, you can help your child develop a love for exercise and being physically active. Take him for a walk every morning or go to the playground. Simple exercises such as running and jumping are fun for kids too. When he’s big enough, introduce him to a sport and teach him some stretching exercises.

If going outside is not an option right now, you can still enjoy some physical activities indoors like doing kids Yoga or dance workouts on YouTube.

Teaching your child to be physically active will also lessen the risks that prolonged exposure to technology has on most kids today.

Hand Hygiene

 

According to the World Health Organization, our hands are the main pathways for germ transmission. A lot of bacteria and infectious diseases can be passed through handshakes or touching dirty surfaces.

With a communicable virus affecting millions of people around the world today, never has proper handwashing been more important. Teach your child to wash his hands with soap and water before and after meals, after using the toilet, after he coughs or sneezes and every time he comes home. Aside from washing his hands, tell him to refrain from rubbing his eyes or touching his face, and putting his fingers in his mouth when his hands are dirty to prevent the spread of bacteria.

Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Getting enough rest

 

After a long day, all we want is to rest our tired bodies and get some sleep. Well, not for our kids. They want to use up all their energy before they can say they’re ready for bed. But the AAP recommends a guideline of adequate sleep duration for different age groups for children to ensure their optimal health. This is because getting enough sleep leads to general wellness and improved quality of health, and lack of it can cause physical illness and behavioral problems to name a few.

Establishing a bedtime routine for your child is essential to develop a good sleeping habit. Setting a regular time for bed is the first step. Don’t wait for your baby to be yawning or throwing tantrums before you put them to bed. Other suggestions include turning off the TV and all screens at least 30 minutes before bedtime (or not putting those gadgets in your kid’s bedroom in the first place), taking a relaxing bath, reading a book and setting up the room (lighting) to be conducive to sleeping.


They may sound simple, but it’s essential for your child to acquire these healthy habits at an early age so they can stay fit and have a generally well-balanced life. Proper education, training, and modeling are key so that they can develop these valuable habits. It may require some effort on our part, but it’s worth it knowing that our kids will lead a healthy lifestyle in the long run.

To My Husband, While We're in this Season of Raising Small Kids

There's this photo of us that I love. It was taken maybe when we were still engaged or before that. I was wearing my favorite Aubrey Hepburn shirt, and you were wearing a baggy shirt. You didn't care for slim fit clothing then. We were smiling, looking at something. You were probably saying something funny, and I was just trying hard not to laugh, or to look cute.

That felt like ages ago. We looked so carefree. We were so carefree. Going into marriage, we never thought we'd have children so soon. Then we had our first child. And then another. And another.

We're in this season. This tumultuous season of raising small kids.

We're in the season of wiping butts, and of wiping tears. Of repeating words and fixing messes.
We're in the season of playing referee, of "teaching while having fun," of navigating parenting styles and learning how to discipline three unique individuals, and what all of these means for us as a family.

We're in the season of midnight snacks and Netflix and Chill are our kind of date nights.
Of being sandwiched and squished by three little people on the bed, and the only thing we can do is reach for each other's hand and say goodnight as we're careful not to wake the baby.

People will look at us, with our frazzled looks, stained shirts, furrowed brows and they will not think of us as couple goals. If they don't know any better, they might even think, "I'm never having kids!"

But while we're here, I just want you to know, there's nobody else I would want to be with in this season but you.
Nobody else I want to argue parenting styles with, play good cop-bad cop with.
At the end of a really long day, I look forward to rehashing everything our children did, with you. No hand I'd rather reach for in bed but yours.

Sometimes it feels as though (at least for me) our kids are all we have. That everything is about them.  But you know what they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." Someday we'll hope that we're all they have and their lives only revolve around us.

We've been married for almost 10 years, and a big part of it, we've spent taking care of our children. Sometimes I wonder, some of the things we promised to do after we got married, we haven't gone around to doing yet. But then I remember that we're in this season, and even though it feels like forever, it is fleeting.

But as our children grow, we also grow with them.  We grow as individuals, we grow as parents, and we grow as a couple. You've seen me turn from being a starry-eyed girl in my twenties to a striving mother of three in my thirties. And you've been so gracious to all the changes that happened. Change of status, change of address, change of plans, everything.

Some things haven't changed though. You still make me laugh with your awesome sense of humor, something that our kids got from you. My blood still boils with that unbelievable temper of yours.  Something that I pray our children will not inherit. I'm still in awe of your passion, determination, and generosity.

Looking at us, I think we're still the same couple in that photo. We're still smiling, looking at the same thing together. You're still trying to make me laugh, but it's not about some silly thing anymore. We're staring at our cute little kids, probably wondering how our lives would be without them.

So we're in this season. This epic, exhausting, exhilarating season of being parents of little kids. And however long this stage of our life turns out to be, I'm glad that I'm in it with you. 

When You Grow Up, I'll Remember

When I was a kid, your grandfather would bring us to parks, good places to eat and play, or anywhere the family could have fun, and then he would encapsulate a nice memory we have together by saying, "Paglaki niyo, maalala niyo ito," which translates to "When you grow up, you'll remember this (specific memory)."

I wanted to have moments like that with you, but sometimes I feel like you're too young to actually remember anything. Raising you though, made me realize that this phase we're in right now is different. It's me who wants to remember everything about you today. The things you say and how you make me so happy. And then when you grow up, I'll remember.

My darling, you're only four years old, but there's already so much I want to remember about you.

I'll remember your butt dance and your funny faces, and how you want to make everybody around you laugh. And after your great-grandpa died, you asked your Lola, "Do you miss your dad?"  And when she said yes, you tried to console her. You said, "You'll see him in heaven, with Jesus." We laughed. When we talk about you, you always ask, "Are you talking about me?" And we laugh because you always find a way of making things lighter.

You have a way with people that always makes them feel better when you're around. You entertain them by talking to them, asking them questions or serving them pretend food. Every time I remember that about you, I always feel so proud.

Usually, parents are proud when their children achieve something in school, or in sports. You're a very smart, athletic and talented kid, but what makes me proudest is your personality. How you make everybody smile. One time, you asked Instagram if you're cute. And our followers gushed at how adorable you are. Sometimes I wish I can share your videos with the world, but that's another issue about protecting your privacy and preserving your childhood. And we have moments that are way too precious to be reduced to an IG story.

I'll fondly remember them so that when you grow up, I'll tell you. That even as a kid, you were so precious and kind. When the time comes that you doubt how good of a person you are, I'll tell you that you were the sweetest child on the planet.

Because you're such an easy child, I worry about you for the future. I wonder if more years on earth or adolescence will change you. I know I still have a decade to prepare for that, but I hope you remain to be the sweet, good-natured girl that I love.

But when the rebellion years begin and you start to find me annoying, I'll remember how you told me that when you're already a grown-up, we'll be the best of friends. When you want to move out or be as far away from me as possible, I'll remember how you promised to visit me all the time. When you start getting all those teenage angst and emotions, I'll remember how you always forgive me when I'm having mom tantrums, and I'll try to give you the same patience that you should be accorded.

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

One day, you asked, "When will my life change?" and I'm not sure you really understood what that question meant. You and me both, sweetheart. You're always excited to grow older, and taller, and to be able to do more things like your big sister. But there are also days when you want to be carried and pretend to be the baby. I wish I can keep it that way forever. That all you need is a hug from Mommy to be okay.

As much as we want everything around you to be perfect, and you can bet that Tatay and I will make sure you have the best life, the truth is life gets a little harder each time you get older. And when those challenging situations start to dampen your spirit, I'll tell you the things that I remember about you. I'll remind you of how strong and brave you are. I pray that I'll be there when the time comes that you need me to tell you these things. And I hope you don't cringe when you find out how sentimental your mother is.

All these things, I'll keep in my heart, because it is my job as your mother to be the keeper of everything about you, tangible and intangible, including your dreams, your fears, and your memories, to be imparted to you in the future.

But when you grow up, there's just one thing that I want you to remember: you have me. When things get hard, never forget that you have a family who believes in you and will always be there for you. Even when the time comes that you stop seeing me in rose-colored glasses, I hope you remember that Mommy loves you.

When you grow up, I'll remember how much you loved me and that will never fail to put a smile on my face.

When Mommy Throws a Tantrum

Yesterday, Nash and I went to her new school for an orientation. It was supposed to be a fun morning for the upcoming first grader, but it turned out to be a very frustrating experience for both of us. My headstrong little girl didn't want to join the games, didn't want to line up with the other children, she did not want to participate at all. It was like the first day of preschool all over again. (Remember my blog post about that? No? Read it here.) To add to that, she was making a face about not wanting to join as I was trying to talk her into it and it annoyed me so much that I pushed her more to the point where she was almost in tears. Needless to say, she threw a tantrum in her new school.

But as the story progressed, someone threw an even bigger tantrum. It was me. The mom.

See, as a mom, I always looked forward to things like these. My firstborn's orientation in big school. I pictured it being an awesome activity for our little family. I prepared everything my child would need the night before, and woke up extra early to give the kids a bath, even skipping breakfast (me, not my daughter) to make sure we would make it there on time. But alas, life happened and things didn't go as planned. Because we were already running late, my husband decided to stay home with the other kid who didn’t want to wake up yet, leaving me to go with our eldest and baby boy in tow. When we got there, the first graders were already lined up, all ready and rowdy to play games. My daughter, overwhelmed by the number of kids, started clinging to me. I gave her a gentle nudge to go with the other kids, even look for a familiar face (she had a previous classmate also going to that school). But she wouldn't budge. She just kept saying no. I could feel eyes on me as I struggled to hold my one-year-old baby while trying to get his big sister to fall in line. I also heard my voice get a notch higher. Nash was determined to say no, and I just kept insisting she should join. Our discussion was so heated that it came to the point where she said, "I don't want to go to school anymore." and I told her she was grounded (no watching TV or on the phone for the whole day).

Remember my previous post when I said, "I don't want to be that mother?"  Well, guess what? I felt every bit like that mom yesterday. Everything I learned about positive parenting and the right way to encourage my kid just flew out the window.

I got so frustrated that my temper was no better even after the event. In the car, Nash was back to her playful mood, but I was still seething. I threw a fit when my husband told me he couldn't go with us to lunch because he had work (I'm usually more understanding), and when we got home, I was just so mad that I asked the babysitter to feed my youngest. I felt that my emotions were too high that I couldn't focus on the simple task of feeding my baby.  I did not make a scene or had an outburst of any kind, but like the typical introvert, being in a bad mood meant grumbling to myself and slamming the door, being irritable even when other people around me were not doing anything wrong. I threw a tantrum and left a trail of destruction and wounded emotions behind.

Photo by nrd on Unsplash

After being alone in my thoughts for a few minutes, a light meal and some dessert, I calmed down and returned to my usual self. Then I was able to reflect on what happened. Why was I so mad earlier? Was it because I skipped breakfast so I felt so cranky and "hangry?" Was it because people were already looking and I was starting to feel embarrassed? Or because despite all my efforts and sacrifices, nothing was working out as planned? It can also be because I knew how far my daughter has come when it comes to her social skills, so it frustrated me that she was having a hard time again.

 But I have already anticipated that happening since the school she would be going to has triple the number of students in class than her preschool. I knew she would be overwhelmed by the changes and I know we would be able to overcome it like we did before.

So if I kind of knew that was going to happen, then the problem wasn't her resistance to participate, the problem was how I reacted to it. I let my frustration get in the way of responding the best way I know how when we encounter those situations. All I wanted was for my daughter to be excited about her new school. Instead, I managed to achieve the opposite of that. She even told me, "I don't think I'm ready for big school," and that stung. We have been preparing for this day and I thought she was ready.

I felt so bad. But fortunately, in motherhood, we’re given plenty of chances to right our wrongs. Once I was calm, I asked Nash if she was still mad at me. She nodded, and when I asked her why, she said, "Because you kept forcing me to join and I didn't want to." After I asked the question, I apologized and left her alone to play. She was actually okay after. There was no trace of the moody little girl of that morning.

When it was time to get ready for bed, I started talking to her again about what happened. She was now ready to open up, and she told me about her favorite parts and her not so favorite parts of the event. I explained to her, confessing that I acted the way I did because I wanted her to enjoy and make some friends in her new school.  My favorite part is this: when I told her why I was so frustrated, she replied, "Maybe I just didn't get the hang of it yet." She said those words calmly, acting all mature, that it gave me a glimpse of the conversations that I would be looking forward to in the future. "It will be okay," I finally said. "Everything will be much better next time." She forgave me for being so hard on her. We're lucky our kids don't hold grudges.

Looking back at what happened, I realized that maybe I was just feeling tired and frustrated that day, and I took it out on the closest target - my child. It didn't dawn on me until later on that maybe she was feeling the same way. Lesson learned for me. I guess I needed a refresher. I got so used to her being able to handle things by herself (she's the Ate in the house), I forgot she needed some reassurance that I would be proud of her no matter what.

So, Mommy had a tantrum. That means I'm not perfect. There will be times that I will fall short, and things won't go according to plan. And I have to acknowledge that I need to take a breather sometimes. Yes, even mommies need a time-out. But only so we don’t lose our minds and we can bounce back, stronger and wiser than the last time. Because as parents, we cannot let one setback stop us from what we were made to do, who we were meant to be, and that's being the kindest, most understanding and loving people in our child's life.

I had a weak moment, but now I’m ready to help my little girl in this new chapter in her life. So, bring it on, big school, we're ready for you!

The Gift of Motherhood

The phrase "Motherhood is a gift" gets thrown around a lot of times that it almost feels like a cliche. Why do they say it though? I know I'm blessed to have gotten this gift six years ago. I know some women have not received it yet (or decided not to be a mother, that's fine too if that's what they want). Although when you're trying to get a fussy baby to sleep, when you barely have the time to look at yourself in the mirror, when you feel like you don't know who you are anymore, you get to thinking, really, where's the gift part in motherhood? What perks did I get? I know there's supposed to be a lot, but sometimes, I don't know exactly what those are. Does anybody else feel that?

Then, it came. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was actually in the shower when it hit me, how motherhood has changed me as a person. And in no particular order, the answers just came flashing by: 

It gave me friends. Before becoming a mother, I have often regarded myself as cliquish, because I'm quite shy and a little awkward. Typical introvert. I didn't know how to initiate conversations as I feel like I usually have nothing in common with most people. Fast forward to now, I have learned how to make small talk with other moms. Some of those chats later on became meaningful conversations and passing acquaintances evolved into deep friendships. It's easy because being a mom makes you so connected to other women; their struggles, their joys and fears are also my own. I have learned to open up to people without constantly worrying that I'm being judged. I gained friends, and found a community. That being said, I have also learned to value the people who knew me before motherhood happened, and those who stuck with me even though we barely have time to catch up.

It gave me laughter. Motherhood taught me to laugh at the silliest things. And as all those parenting memes prove, we can take the most stressful situations in our lives and turn it into some inside joke only us moms understand. Plus I get my daily dose of funny antics from my very own personal jokers.





It gave me a voice. I have been blogging way before blogging was considered cool again, although it's called vlogging now. But I have always struggled with keeping my blogs because I didn't know what to write about; I didn't have that much passion for something to be putting it into writing. But that was before motherhood. Now, I have a point of view. And I have found a higher purpose for my blog than just to vent. I have learned that with my voice, as a mom, I can inspire and encourage others.  I'm always so excited to write on my blog because it meant pouring my heart out to my readers - my fellow moms or parents, who can relate to what I’m going through. Hopefully in the future, my children will get to read what I wrote (or they'll appreciate it more if I vlog?) and they will know how much I loved and love being their mom.

It gave me compassion. Gone are the days when I would only think of what would be best for me, or do things that would only serve my own interests. Motherhood made me realize how blessed I am to have the resources and support available, and that sadly, not all women have the same. When you're a mother, your heart would ache every time you learn that a little child is sick, when a fellow mother is struggling, or being misunderstood. That if you could do something, even just a tiny thing to spare their pain, or lighten their load, you would do it. I'm not the kindest, most perfect human being there is, but I'm trying to practice compassion every day, because I want my children to learn from me, to see it from me, just as I saw it from my mother.

It gave me a better perspective. Since motherhood, I have learned to let go of my hang ups a little. The things that I thought were important then, are not really that important now. I have learned to look at the big picture, while appreciating the little things. I have learned to let go of "the plan" and how I thought my life would be when I reach a certain age. Instead, I am just grateful for every day that I get to wake up and be with my husband and kids. I wake up not knowing how much money I have on my wallet, but still being at my happiest. All that matters to me are the smiles on my children's faces. As long as my family is safe, happy and healthy, everything else will be fine.

It gave me strength. The moment we give birth, we get asked the question, "How did you do it?" or people tell us,  "I don't know how you do it." Carrying a human being in our wombs for nine months; breastfeeding our children post-surgery, dealing with postpartum depression, leaving our children to go back to work. We all try to dismiss it like it's "no big deal," but it is.

 Last year, I found myself crying at the doctor's office when the surgeon told me that my then one-month old son had to undergo surgery for his hernia. My heart was broken into a million pieces, but still I was able to “woman up” and make the decision to go through with the surgery. Barely two months after, it was my turn to have a surgery for my gallbladder. Two days after a laparoscopy and some internal bleeding, I was able to breastfeed my baby boy, and carry him too.

WE are strong. Sometimes because we have no other option, but we have been given the unbelievable strength to keep pushing and keep fighting for our families.

It gave me courage. "Would you die for someone you truly love?" Before, it would take me hours or even days to answer this question. I'd say yes, if it was a member of my family. Even that would have me really contemplating long and hard before I can answer. But now, if I was asked this question pertaining to my children, I know the answer. Yes. In a heartbeat, I would. Because mothers are not really afraid of dying. We're afraid that when we're gone, no one would love our children like we can.

It gave me wisdom. The experience of motherhood is the best teacher. Never have I been so eager to learn until now. I learn from my fellow mothers, from my own mother, and from my children every day. 

It gave me faith. Becoming a mother made me realize that even if you have done your best, gave your all, cried every tear, some things are still left uncertain. We cannot control everything. And on those days, I know that only my faith can save me. I know that there's a greater being who knows everything. Who knows what’s best for me, and who loves my children more than I can ever hope to love them.

It gave me hope. This is why we do all these things, make sacrifices for our children. To make sure that they would be strong, compassionate human beings in the future. If we fill our children with love, security and encouragement while they are young, can you imagine how they would be as adults? I'm sure the world would be a much better place.

It gave me love. Or should I say more love?  It gave me so much love than I could ever ask for. 

None of my children had "Mama" as their first word. But it's the word they use most often in a day. They call my name not just because they need me, but also because they want me around. They want to show me their accomplishments. They value what I think and how I feel. Those unlimited hugs and kisses they shower me with? It's like a taste of heaven. And to be able to give and receive unconditional love every day, it’s like God gave me a glimpse of how it feels to be Him. 

Sometimes motherhood comes to us as a surprise, and despite our best efforts to prepare for it or "keep up" with it, it always catches us off-hand. Like we got thrown into the deep sea and we just have to keep paddling and try to survive. So we don't always have the time to reflect and contemplate on what motherhood has made of us as individuals. The kind of person we have become. How it has enriched our lives.

Yes, there were times when I felt that I lost parts of myself when I became a mother. But looking back on everything I have gained, I can say that it’s all worth it. 

 I'm so grateful for this gift. God has blessed me so much when he made me Mom. I give back all glory and honor to Him for that. And the only way I can ever repay Him for this beautiful gift is by being a gift myself. To my children, my loved ones and other people as well.

Happy Mother’s Day!