My First Letter to My Firstborn (first of the Letters to My Firstborn Series)

Hey folks! I haven't gotten round to finishing my latest blog entry yet, so I thought I'd share with you something very special.  For those who know me, you know I'm not the feelings-sharing type, so this is kind of monumental.  Here's the very first letter I wrote to my eldest daughter, when I found out I was pregnant with her.  I know moms can relate to this, and maybe even dads too.  

Here's to the new moms out there. This started the whole motherhood journey for me.  I love reading this over and over, and I hope you'll enjoy reading it too.

February 25, 2012

Well, hello there.

You little one of mine in my tummy. I had a feeling you were really coming soon.  

Two days ago I just woke up to a dream and I found my lower right abdomen hurt and I searched Google to know what it might be, and I was faced with horrible news.  It made me so scared to even wish it for us.  I wasn’t scared for me, I was so scared for you.  I cannot bear the thought of you not being where you need to be and losing you.  The thought just shook my whole world.

It took your titas in Couples For Christ to convince me that there’s no use in believing everything on the internet and that you are fine if you are really there.  But at that moment, I prayed for you.  I knew I wanted you more than anything, your safety is of utmost importance to me.  So I had to know if you’re really inside.  I convinced your dad to get a pregnancy kit and the next day, I woke up ready to know if I am pregnant or not.  The moment I peed into the test, the strip turned pink and not long after, I saw my very first plus sign on a pregnancy test.  I swear I almost went cross-eyed.  My excitement was indescribable.  I would have jumped if I knew it was safe.  Your father did jump though when we figured out the test results were positive.  You could not imagine the joy, the glimmer of hope that little stick brought us.  Honestly, I thought I could die now that you live.  We repeated the test using a cheaper brand, and got two clear and happy purple lines.  We couldn’t be happier that day.

The next morning was all about me confirming to the doctor that you were okay.  I wanted to go and find out as soon as I can, but the schedule didn’t permit me.  I was starting to have a fit and your dad didn’t like how I was acting at the clinic but I just couldn’t help it.  I wanted to make sure you were okay.  But in the end, I had to wait a few more hours.  We went to the supermarket and to church instead.

Gladly, it was worth all the waiting.  All the hours of waiting at every doctor’s appointment the past year, all the medicines I had to take to fix my hormonal problems, all the false alarms we had to endure.  When it was finally our turn at the doctor, turns out everything is fine with you.  Thank God!  All my worrying was for nothing but early signs of a healthy pregnancy.  We were beyond ecstatic, your dad and I.  All that mattered to me is that you’re healthy.

We have to wait for two more weeks to hear your heartbeat and I have to take it easy.  But I know you’re going to be alright.  I’m going to be on my best behavior, do the best I can to protect you.  I haven’t been this careful all my life.  I’ve been feeling some abdominal pains here and there, but Mommy can take it, Hon.  Just move and adjust my uterus all you want, as long as you’re healthy and comfy in there.

I know that you will be safe and healthy.  Because you are a loved baby.  We love you like our world.  You are the most important one in our life right now, but no matter how much I love you, always remember that no one else will love you more than our Father in Heaven.  He gave you life and He gave you to me and your dad.  He loves you so I know He will be there for you.  For us.  He will give you beautiful heartbeats and lovely body parts and make you healthy.  And an awesome life in the future.

I can’t wait to hear your heartbeat, my little one.  My heart already beats for you.  I’m in love with you is an understatement.  So I’m praying with all my might that your heart is beating for me too.  Stay with me my little one.  Hold on tight until I can hold you in my arms after seven to eight months.

Your father has already started calling you BABY NASH.  Do you like the sound of that?  I kind of do.  We have to think of a second name for you though.  We’re also contemplating on whether I give birth to you here or in the Philippines.  What do you think?  I read online that by this time your cells, body parts and brain are already developing and I can;t help but think how healthy and good looking and smart you’re going to be.  Gosh, I really am so excited for you.

I love you so much Baby Nash.

Love,

Mom