(February 1, 2017)
Two days ago, the girls' nanny left us. She moved to
a different city for a job related to the course she finished, and
even though it was us who encouraged her to pursue a career in that field, I
can’t help but feel attached. She has been with us since my youngest daughter
was born, and she was such a big help to us. She’s like an extended part
of our little family. My daughters treat her like their own sister, their
favorite friend and playmate.
When she finally decided to leave, I thought of the
things that I needed to do in order for my daughters to cope with her departure
and I realized, more than those seemingly exhausting things (like preparing
their stuff for school or giving them a bath), the thing that I really needed to
work on is being there for my kids, and I mean really being there. Being
present physically, mentally and emotionally.
Admittedly, although I pride myself on being hands-on
with the girls, playtime is one thing that I’ve sort of outsourced to the help. Or if she’s not around, it’s a duty that I have willingly passed on to
other people, such as my husband or our siblings. It’s not that I hated playing
or spending time with them. I may even have
a few “acceptable” reasons for not doing so:
- Being their mom, I felt like I needed to do more “important” things for them. Things that other people, no matter how much they love my kids, won’t do, such as give them a bath, change their diapers, make a living for them (I used to work at home) or clean up after them. Yes, I skip the fun part and wait for them to finish playing so that I can pack away their toys, which they will mess up again the next day.
- Being a stay at home mom means I am around my daughters almost 24/7. My youngest also still breastfeeds from me, so having them play with other people grants me a few minutes of “me time.” I'm cool with my children spending time with other members of the family, but if I'm using that as an excuse to stay on my phone, then maybe it's wrong. I hate it when I intend to play with my kids, but then after a few minutes, something catches my attention on Facebook and before I know it, I have already drifted off and let my kids play on their own without Mommy. I feel so guilty when this happens, and it’s also my pet peeve when I see my husband holding his mobile phone while playing with the girls.
- I want to teach them independence. I don’t want to be the kind of mother who smothers and hovers on her children, not giving them enough room to grow. Really, where do we draw the line between being present and mindful parents and being controlling helicopter moms?
I know my
reasons may ring with other parents. I mean, they’re pretty valid if
you ask me. It’s not like we’re neglecting them, right? But however justifiable
they might seem, we’re still missing a lot by not being present at playtime. We must all know how playing helps the development of our kids and it is the best venue to teach and connect
to them without being authoritative.
Barely a week
since I stepped back into their playtime routine, I can already see the
benefits. I like that I can see how my daughters relate to each other, and I am
there to teach them how to share. I also learn more about them as individuals.
My first-born is an imaginative four-year old princess who loves to play dress
up with her dolls and make up songs (she takes after her Lolo), while my
youngest is the most active two year old I’ve ever met. She’s in that phase
where she likes to crawl,
climb, slide, stand on top of chairs, seeing how long she can balance on top of
a rocking wooden horse, those kinds of things. Yes, it’s exhausting, but I realized
that spending time with my girls, talking to them, playing pretend makeup and tea party with them, hearing them laughing with each other is really the best
use of my time.
As of writing*,
we are not looking for a new nanny for the girls. I get a lot of support at
home from my husband and my own mother so it’s not that big of an adjustment, but
still I have to get used to being the girls’ number one playmate and constant
companion. I know it should feel natural for us parents, it is, but I feel like
I’ve outsourced it for so long that I still am trying to learn the ropes of
playtime.
I am now trying
this new thing where I play with my kids first, and do the rest of my tasks and
have my much needed and well-deserved me-time when they’re asleep. I catch up on my reading, squeeze in a workout, Netflix and chill by
myself at night, while waiting for my husband to come home from work. I also write at night now, when the day is
over and I can reflect on what had happened the whole day. Which means that my blog posts
might take longer(er) to finish, but at least, I’m trying to make it a new
habit before I go to bed.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to be with my
kids all the time and be their number one playmate. I know some parents don't have that luxury, but I also know of
other moms and dads who have full time jobs and are still winning with their
kids at play time. It’s not really how long you’re in there with them, just as
long as they feel that you’re really present and interested in what they're doing.
I guess it’s
just a matter of putting in effort to be with them and really being in the
moment, instead of pretending to be around but using your mobile phones. I know
it’s easier said than done, but it’s worth a try. You know what they say, the
days are long but the years are short. So let's make the most out of this phase in their lives.
Look at them giggle. Doesn't that make every minute of playtime so worth it?
*As of publishing this post, we are still not looking for a new nanny. Some things I noticed recently: my eldest learned to pack away her toys, and my two year old's vocabulary has grown immensely. There are things you only notice when you're paying attention ;)
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