The Mustard Seed

(January 26, 2017)

Write. Write. Write.

Hello again. As you may (or may not) have noticed, this space have been really quiet the past months. I have been dealing with some things inside my head as a writer. Truth be told, I just didn’t have the- how do I say this? I didn’t have the energy, the will to write something.  I feel like I don’t really have anything “relevant” to write about. Sometimes, I just sit in front of my laptop, stare at a blank screen, and … nganga.  Waley.  Precisely the reason why this blog had been put on a really long hiatus. It felt like I was going to be stuck in this rut forever and I needed to come to terms with myself that I really couldn’t do this blogging thing. It almost felt like the writer has left the building.

But tonight, after reading a blog post about being a stay-at-home mom and embracing that identity, something sparked inside of me. You know when you’re in the mall and you’re walking around just looking at things with no purpose or goal whatsoever and then one second, boom! You remember what you’re supposed to be doing, why you’re in the mall in the first place?  Has that ever happened to you? It did to me just now. It’s like a fire was lit in my heart, and I could either wait for the wind to blow it away and pretend that tiny flame never existed, or do I fan it and ignite that will inside?

I don’t want to use that cliché, “letting life pass you by,” but it is what has been happening lately. Don’t get me wrong. I love each moment that I spend with my family. My husband and I have hurdled challenges of epic proportions the past year and we have never been closer, and the time I spend with my daughters are so precious. But I somehow feel like I’ve been going around in circles trying to find my purpose, trying to listen to God, waiting for Him to reveal His purpose in my life. 

I’ve shared my sentiment with one of my closest friends, and she told me about the journey she’s having (a spiritual one) and recommended that I download the First5 app in my phone. It’s sort of a scripture-reading guide that helps you start your day with a verse in the Bible, along with some commentaries and guide questions to encourage time for reflection. I’m only on day 3 of using that app, but I can somehow feel that it’s helping. Reading a verse or a scripture every morning helps me start the day with some faith and a sense of purpose.

The Gospel for today says, “The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of seeds sown upon the earth. But after it is planted, it grows to be larger than all garden plants and puts forth great branches, so that the birds of the air nest in its shade." Somebody may ask, “What’s the connection?” Well, I just realized, what if God is giving me a mustard seed? What if His plan for me doesn’t come in something grand and monumental? I mean, I know He has great plans for me, but what if it’s not in a big, loud package? Maybe He wants me to start small. Maybe he wants me to take baby steps. To take that mustard seed and cultivate it and see it grow into something big.

I’ve never been a fan of gardening. My husband is, though, and it’s his dream to have a garden of our own where we would grow fruit-bearing trees and plants. I share that dream with him, not only because I’m in love with the idea of having ingredients ready for the picking in my own backyard, but I like the thought of seeing something small and unappealing grow into something beautiful.

Maybe that is the Lord’s plan for me. To take my mustard seed and plant it firmly in faith, and cultivate it. Water it. Take these baby steps of reviving my blog, even if I feel like nobody is interested in it (yet!). And believe. Believe that what He promises, He will deliver. Our God is a God of purpose. Our God is good at being God. Trust in His timing.

So here’s my mustard seed. I’m planting it and I pray that the Lord will grant me the sweetest fruit come harvest season. The writer has not left the building. The writer is a mom and moms don’t quit.

What’s your mustard seed?